Coming out of the good little church going girl, I caught wind of the glamour and mystery of the secular world when hitting high school.
Leaving out the drugs and the sex, I was only interested in the rock and roll.
Those classical piano lessons finally paid off when joining the high school rock band. Me and 4 guys, we were destined for fame and fortune…once our repertoire expanded from Men at Work and Joan Jetts and the Blackhearts.
We played for the high school musical and one concert on our own.
World domination can certainly wait. And it still does.
My first illegal drink was vodka and orange juice in a polystyrene cup. My head spun and danced, giddy with naughty excitement and the taste of liquor, which I secretly thought was too bitter for my innocent taste buds.
The first legal pub is now a renowned lesbian bar in Canberra called “Tilley’s”. The first bought legal drink being a Heinken and kept the bottle for years to come. It was my rite of passage.
Life was okay. Not that it was ever entirely terrible. I just wanted to make it like it was.
I was confined in the four walls of Canberra, desperate to get out, leave the religious realms of very strict Indonesian parents and taste real, adult life.
The intention was to quit Yr 12, 2 months before graduation.
Certainly had ambition, while the existence of intelligence and discipline was questionable.
“I want to see the world!” I cried in a heap for no other reason than just your usual pent up teenage angst and emotion.
“I’m going to work for a year selling dresses in Cue then go backpacking around Europe…”
Wild, crazy, irrational plans.
Instead, I crashed my parents car right off the road.
Sternly pointed back to my humbling place as a kid with no money and no control over my own life. I succumbed to the idea that university was only, yet long-term ticket out.
I smoked Benson and Hedges Extra Mild, never considering its dangers to my health. Just let me feel glamorous and important, dammit.
Too many times I dived into the murky waters of unrequited love.
Secretly leaving a Valentine’s Day card under the windscreen of my crush’s ute, the carefully handwritten words filled with desperate hope to have someone see me as beautiful. Not funny, cute or feisty. But just exquisitely beautiful.
Only now do I realize how bold yet pathetically stupid that gesture was.
Luckily, he’s a forgiving guy.
Meeting up many years later, he introduced me to his little boy, “This is Grace, she’s a really lovely lady…”
He smiled, meeting my eyes trying to assure me that the past had its own place and time.
Yes. Life as a directionless teenager has it’s own little unique box, filled with scraps of embarrassing, uncomfortable moments, revolutionary thoughts and deep, confusing emotions.
Joining Rachel of The Inappropriate Blog and The Lounge Lizards to talk about the teen years.