The other day on Twitter, I was discussing the challenges of raising live-wire twin toddlers with bloggy buddy, Kirrily of Sunny Side Up.
And while we spoke of the roller coaster ride that is toddler wrangling, there was the emphasis to treasure the moments of peace.
Kirrily quite aptly called them:
“The gaps in the clouds that help you breathe.”
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that this year has been exhausting. Problem is, I’ve lived through most of it in denial.
My finest and most fabricated “Suck it up, Princess” coping mechanism finally lost its effect. Why was I surprised? I mean, how long can one suppress their stress and anxiety anyway?
People happily joke that once having children, you simply surrender to the sleep deprivation; that it’s an irrevocable aspect of parenting. But really, it doesn’t have to be that way.
For the past year (and longer), I’ve persevered, adamant that I could cope. But each time I neglected the need for rest, it took a toll on my body; risking my physical and mental health as a result.
It took a teary, desperate conversation with my GP to realize that I had been functioning on survival mode for a while.
Discreetly, a dark cloud had formed and was looming over my head, hazing my thoughts, killing my motivation and tampering with my temperament.
For the majority of people out there, I speak of nothing revolutionary.
But for myself, I couldn’t keep going through the façade that all was faring well. It was time to be honest; to accept that seeking help was a sign of strength, rather than weakness.
It finally dawned on me that finding a third party to talk through the issues, is completely acceptable. As frightening as that initial meeting was, the chance to purge and blurt without fear of judgment or unsolicited advice is beyond liberating.
For the new year, I’m heading in the right direction; to switch back from “Survival” to “Happy Living”.
In the meantime, I’ll keep looking out for the little rays of sunshine peeping through those clouds; savouring every opportunity to breathe again.
Joining Essentially Jess for IBOT