In this search for the gaps in the clouds, there have been some small but significant changes.
If the past years have been about resisting or the need to keep striving, fighting and denying the difficulties of life, it’s now time to simply accept them.
We’re conditioned to believe that bad feelings – sadness, anger, tension – aren’t not meant to be living within us; that if they indeed exist, they should somehow be extinguished immediately.
The slight sensation of discomfort or disruption in our thoughts, it’s expected that they’re somehow expelled. And if that’s not an option, to somehow sweep them away somewhere. Anywhere. Just as long as no one else can find them. Ensuring that vulnerabilities are no longer transparent.
The past month, I’ve rediscovered meditation.
I was so gung-ho about it last year, writing posts that shared my excitement in this discovery of inner peace and mindfulness. Every day, I diligently practised my breathing and relaxing techniques. Then, it all stopped. Life got in the way.
And as it happened, so did the enclosing dark clouds.
So, here I am, kind of back to where I began…but in a slightly different format.
Where last year I went to Buddhist meditation courses, this time I’m using an iPhone app called Headspace.
For 10 minutes every night, I close my eyes, listen to a British fellow with an extremely pleasant, soothing accent and let my mind rest. To just let it think what it wants to think – the good, the bad and the anxious.
I’m the kind of person who’s often told to “let things go”. Without a doubt, I waste valuable time and energy worrying or in silent anger. Rather than letting it subside, it festers. Then, suppressing it right down in the depths of my sub-conscious, never resolving tangled emotions.
But whether they’re right or not, these feelings are mine.
It’s time to claim them. To acknowledge they exist in order to finally let the anchor go.
The evenings are now a natural calming, pleasant process. Switching off all social media an hour before bedtime, I read or write in a journal until I’m drowsy.
Then, sitting up, cross-legged in bed, I switch on my little app, as well as my head. And in the darkness, there’s a silent acceptance to the tempestuous on-goings within. A closer step to its validation; an inch nearer in reaching resolution.
Joining in Essentially Jess for IBOT…
So glad you’re getting back into meditation. I still haven’t got to it. Can reading a book act as meditation? Seriously, a book always clears my head. Does the App come on android, perhaps I should give it a go!
Penny recently posted..Animal Pastry Pie: Add a Little Fun to Your Food
I’ll have to check that app out. I used to meditate a bit but since having kids my mind just won’td do that. When I feel sad or anxious though I do use meditative techniques. They work. Good on you for making such active choices to be happy. Xxxx
Zanni, Heart Mama recently posted..Connecting with the older child
Sorry to hear things have been a little heavy on you lately. Good on you for finding a way to help it though. Hopefully the meditation keeps helping you feel better about things. Keep your chin up lovely xx
Chrissie at Organised Chaos recently posted..Chocolate Brownie Biscuits
That sounds great Grace! I’ve never been great at meditation. I can never figure out how to turn my brain off. Maybe I need the soothing accented voice to help me. I think the hardest part with depression is knowing if it is actually depression or not. After I got through the PND, every time I felt sad, or angry, or upset I wondered “Is it the depression again?” But it is normal to have these feelings when things happen, or once in a while. Constantly and for long periods of time is NOT normal. I’m glad you’re taking steps to look after you! x Aroha
#teamIBOT
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Chapters of Our Life
oh it sounds so lovely and calming… which i guess is the point of meditation, but having never actually done ‘it’ before it’s starting to sound very enticing…. !
Lyndal recently posted..the one where we talk about my person
Gotta check out that app! Since I’ve been back I’ve been so busy catching up on stuff and feeling tired that I felt I didn’t even take a break 🙁 yesterday I tried to just stop and clear my head but thoughts kept rolling in. Really need help in just clearing it daily!
Ai Sakura recently posted..Kids Travel Style | Stay Bright in Winter with Colours from Joules UK
Oh my, I could have written this post (not as articulately though!) I’ve let myself slip lately and those dark clouds certainly came thundering in. I’ve been doing a weightloss hypnosis app for the last week or so & have really enjoyed the deep relaxation part. Good on you for reclaiming what’s yours – wanted or not xx
Née recently posted..The price you pay for instant gratification
and a very healthy step, glad that it is bringing you a feeling of calm
Beverly recently posted..hello monday…..
We sound very similar Grace – I find it hard to acknowledge and let go of all my feelings and used to practice mindfulness when I was see a psychologist about depression. I want to be more in the moment this year and quiet my mind – I think I will check out that app and see whether a little meditation at the end of each day will bring me closer to my goal. Thanks so much for sharing!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted..Pitter Patter
That’s a well-thought-out answer to a challenging question
Hey, you’re the goto expert. Thanks for hanging out here.
I think I need to invest in this app too. Things are getting so busy and so hectic that they are becoming overwhelming. I need to get some “headspace”. xx
Jodi recently posted..The magical drink.
I always been very interested by meditation but never tried it. Must check this app. I think it is so important to disconnect from the computer a little while before going to bed, something I’ve been trying to work on.
Rita recently posted..How knitting saved me from having a nervous breakdown
After the inevitable Christmas chaos, I think we could all do with a little bit of calm, a little bit of letting go, a little bit of acceptance. xxx
Danya Banya recently posted..A Letter to JJ (2 years, 7 months)
I’m going to look for that app now, it sounds great and what a great way to unwind at the end of the day xx
Catherine Rodie Blagg recently posted..The pregnancy test
Sounds like a great app, and a great ‘unwinding’ routine. I was nodding along with your description – I agonise and worry and find it hard to let things go. But there’s no repression. If something’s bugging me, people know it!
Good luck reaching that resolution. Sounds like you’re on the right path. x
Emily recently posted..Kids have no appropriateness metre
How did you know I needed that post today?
I too have tried many techniques, the last being Buddhist style meditation. It lasted 3 days!
I will try this app and see how I go. I really need some help and I do hope that this post is the sign I was waiting for (funnily enough I just wrote a draft post this morning on signs – believe it or not!!)
Becc via #ibot
Becc recently posted..I have a dirty little secret
Thanks for that app !!!! I am going to give it a try because I too am out of the habit of meditating and it really is a great place to be.
What a great quote – thanks so much for sharing it with us !
Have the best day you can !
Me
Me recently posted..Pay It Forward
I’ve always found it hard to turn off at night time, hence my years battling chronic insomnia. It was okay when my kids were young because I was so exhausted all the time, but I fear it’s creeping back. My sister is big into meditating, I must give it a go. Thanks for the App idea Grace 🙂
Emily recently posted..Boobs – love em’ or hate em’ – they’re part of who you are and where you’ve been.
It’s a brilliant App isn’t it? We’re not going to fight over Andy are we?
I think I have first dibs 🙂
kirri recently posted..Rockin’ Mamma interview with Kelly Exeter
Meditation really helped me when I was going through a difficult time during my early 30s. It stopped all that useless white noise in my head and brought focus and clarity to my life.
Mumabulous recently posted..Magic Mike vs The Full Monty
Very glad you found something that works for you Grace-ie! It is indeed very important to identify our feelings bad and good. By identifying it, we are able to acknowledge it and accept it and then work on letting it go or hold on to it. Happy fresh start Grace! 🙂
ava recently posted..A Fresh Start
Love this post Grace. Sometimes its just too easy to push all the bad stuff down and not deal with it and pretend its not there but its much better to acknowledge that hey, maybe I don’t have 100% happy feelings all the time and that is ok too.
Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions recently posted..You Know You’re Getting Old When You Get Excited About A Vacuum Cleaner
I could learn from this. I am such a stress-head and need to learn to breathe and relax. I think I will give it a go! Thanks Grace.
Simone@Life.Love.Sim recently posted..Words to live by…
Oh Grace, good on you for getting back into meditation! I know how much I need to get back to it, but never seem to get there…..vicious cycle methinks. x
In my studies of the brain, I learnt how important it is to acknowledge our feelings. Sometimes we need a good rant and rave with a trusted person so we can let things go. It’s something I’m working on, rather than thinking ‘I need to let this go.’
Glad you’re feeling more at peace Grace
EssentiallyJess recently posted..Sleeping at the End of the World
Oh, I miss meditation! You are reminding me. Like so many, I don’t seem to find the time for it. A phone app is really a great, practical idea. I’ll have to look into it.
Rachel recently posted..Name Calling
Only time I meditate is at the end of a yoga session. Otherwise I love to stick my ipod in and let the music transport me elsewhere.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Maria Tedeschi (Mrs M) recently posted..BEN O’DONOGHUE, HOTCAKES AND SONY VAIO TAP 20
Oh yes, I remember your meditation growth spurt – you started a chain reaction…again. Namuami dabutsu.
Nami recently posted..The Encouragement Sale
I’ve never quite mastered the art of meditating on my own, but I do quite like the occasional guided meditation. And yes, mindfulness is key to full joy in the now. Mindfulness is something I practice daily – even if only to marvel at the intricacies of a blade of grass or the wonder of a cloud. It keeps you grounded and grateful (I think).
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted..Day 1200 – Dance
I think the emotion of anger is there for a reason (to help us deal with something, or to speak up 🙂 … sweeping it under the carpet does not help at all! Meditation, yes, and also (calmly if possible!) explaining to someone exactly why you’re angry goes a long way to emotional evolvement 🙂
I always forget how much better I feel with meditation and gentle yoga, and then I wonder what is wrong. I need that quiet. Thank you for reminding me! 🙂 xxx
Cassandra recently posted..Shameless self-promotion
Good on YOU, Grace! It’s easier to keep busy, busy, busy than it is to sit and reflect – I’m going to look into that little app!
x
Shari recently posted..Free apps each day? Why thank you!
That app sounds great. I love how you realise the importance and need to make that time to care for your needs and well being. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely, may this be the best year yet with plenty of gaps in the clouds
Rhianna recently posted..GIVEAWAY – Personal Planner
What a cool app!
I’m glad you’ve recognised that you need it and gotten back to it. You are far too fabulous a person to have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
I’ve never been a meditator but I did yoga in my last pregnancy and fell in love. I need more of it. I need an app!
xx
Kelly HTandT recently posted..Personal Planner Giveaway
I think we may be at a similar point in our lives Grace. I’ve also committed to more mindfulness this year. Whenever I’ve practiced in the past i’ve been a much happier, more peaceful person. Good luck with it. xxx
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..What online gaming taught my Asperger’s son
I could do with that app…sometimes I find it hard to switch off and unwind. Glad it’s working for you.
Cathy recently posted..Ettalong Beach (Luro on the Beach)
I saw a healer and had a reading done with a traditional erm…. “reader??” in Bali. Following the drastic health scare in November, I was not only pale and sickly looking, but also a bit listless. They both said I needed to find the calm and the inner peace and all that stuff. I figured meditation was a good start, followed by looking into actually finding a religion to believe in and adhere to (if only there was one that approved of sarcasm, frequent wine consumption, and didn’t bat an eyelid at semi-frequent swearing….). Sounds like you’re really finding some acceptance and peace of mind, or at least comfort in moving forward. Bravo lovely xxx
Parental Parody recently posted..FFS!? Friday : Red red wine