The other day on Twitter, I was discussing the challenges of raising live-wire twin toddlers with bloggy buddy, Kirrily of Sunny Side Up.
And while we spoke of the roller coaster ride that is toddler wrangling, there was the emphasis to treasure the moments of peace.
Kirrily quite aptly called them:
“The gaps in the clouds that help you breathe.”
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that this year has been exhausting. Problem is, I’ve lived through most of it in denial.
My finest and most fabricated “Suck it up, Princess” coping mechanism finally lost its effect. Why was I surprised? I mean, how long can one suppress their stress and anxiety anyway?
People happily joke that once having children, you simply surrender to the sleep deprivation; that it’s an irrevocable aspect of parenting. But really, it doesn’t have to be that way.
For the past year (and longer), I’ve persevered, adamant that I could cope. But each time I neglected the need for rest, it took a toll on my body; risking my physical and mental health as a result.
It took a teary, desperate conversation with my GP to realize that I had been functioning on survival mode for a while.
Discreetly, a dark cloud had formed and was looming over my head, hazing my thoughts, killing my motivation and tampering with my temperament.
For the majority of people out there, I speak of nothing revolutionary.
But for myself, I couldn’t keep going through the façade that all was faring well. It was time to be honest; to accept that seeking help was a sign of strength, rather than weakness.
It finally dawned on me that finding a third party to talk through the issues, is completely acceptable. As frightening as that initial meeting was, the chance to purge and blurt without fear of judgment or unsolicited advice is beyond liberating.
For the new year, I’m heading in the right direction; to switch back from “Survival” to “Happy Living”.
In the meantime, I’ll keep looking out for the little rays of sunshine peeping through those clouds; savouring every opportunity to breathe again.
Joining Essentially Jess for IBOT
You are a wise lady, Grace.
Catherine Rodie Blagg recently posted..The gravy boat
Well done Grace. I completely sympathise at the moment. I am totally in survival mode. But so good on you for seeking help and nourishment. Xxxx
Zanni, Heart Mama recently posted..Review: Good Night, Sleep Tight by Mem Fox
We all need help Gracie…It’s so good to hear that you are giving yourself permission, to seek support and be ok about it. That superwoman cape gets real heavy after a while.
“The gaps in the clouds that help you breathe”. I’ll remember that forever now. Beautiful xx
kirri recently posted..Five signs you are in need of a site makeover
Massive Grace, it’s a massive step to take to seek out a 3rd party to talk to. You deserve happy living, and with someone to guide you I am sure it will come. Your boys are such spunks.
iSophie recently posted..Gingerbread House How-To
I’m a firm believer in telling it how it is – anyone who judges is living in denial or heading for a break down. Modern parents have distorted the importance of their role and this has a myriad of unrealistic pressures associated with it.
That 2 second download lifts a whole days weight from your shoulders – if with a kindred spirit, it makes EVERYTHING alright…(and you can cope with ANYTHING)
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..What I don’t want for Christmas…
I am a firm believer in going to an outside party to talk, it has worked wonders for me over the years, and it is something I need to look in to again. This mummy business is bloody hard!
Jodi recently posted..Christmas chaos
Power to you Grace, we can’t always do it alone but it takes wisdom and strength to seek that 3rd party support. I hope there are many, many more gaps in the clouds. xxx
Good on you for speaking up. It’s important that you take care of yourself first. Thinking of you and I hope you find the sky is becoming more and more filled with sunshine and the clouds move away. Rachel xx
Rachel from Redcliffe Style recently posted..Girl on Raw with a Give away!
Beautifully said Grace!
I love that photo of your gorgeous family.
Thea recently posted..Photo A Day Challenge – December
Oh Grace I think we all understand this only too well! So glad you’re making a change: the world needs you at your best xxx
EssentiallyJess recently posted..Have Yourself, A Merry IBOT Christmas
A beautiful post Gracie. This year has been more than crazy for you. I hope you get to take some time over the xmas period for yourself. xx
Penny recently posted..12 Things to take for a Wildlife-rich Holiday
Its very easy to put your own health on the backburner when you are a mum, or any busy person. It takes courage to put your hand up, and say “hey, something is not right here”. Its like admitting that you are not a superhero after years of convincing others you were. We all need to be aware of when dark clouds hover too long in our lives, and make sure that we find a way to help them disperse.
Annie recently posted..Top 10 most useless pieces of camping gear
I love how you not only realised that you needed seek some help but also that you have shared it here. There may just be someone reading who gets inspired to do the same.
May 2013 be the best year yet, full of sunshine and happiness and plenty of gaps in the cloud. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely Grace
Rhianna recently posted..All I Want For Christmas
You’ve now taken the biggest step – good on you for looking after you.
You’re exactly right – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having 3rd party support. Bring on 2013, the year of “Happy Living”! x
Mandie recently posted..…And Then This Happened
Good in you Grace. Ive totally been there and worse. And I have to say, at the moment, I feel like I’m running on empty again. Your post has reminded me that this surviving but not thriving mode doesnt need to go on forever. This time of year is also a real energy sapper I reckon.
SarahMac recently posted..Vomit. Armchair philosophy. Where my mind is. Money.
Massive hugs Grace. It takes courage and strength to say “I’m not coping.” It took me 18 months to say that after Nick was born. It took a lot less for me to say it after my dad died. I’ve seen a counsellor, and hubby and I have seen a relationship counsellor, and it is so good. It’s good to have someone who’s sole job is to listen to you and help you, and they can do it without putting fluff up your bum or trying to sugar coat it but also do that without upsetting or offending you. Here’s to a much happier 2013!
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Thinking Happy Thoughts
Grace you are on the right path. Talking to someone else is great and getting help in any form is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids.
Here is hoping the New Year brings you lots of gaps in the clouds 🙂
Becc via #ibot
Becc recently posted..Healthy option for kids that is fun to boot!
To acknowledged you needed help, that you can speak about it.. is a wonderful thing.. alot of people can’t/don’t.. and we need to bring our sisterhood together to be able to get those ones to ask for help!
#teamIBOT 🙂
Yvette @ Little Bento Blog recently posted..the learning tower
We all need those gaps in the clouds. It is fantastic to be able to unload onto a third party, and this gives the opportunity to have some time out away from the house, kid free, which is the most important thing.
Alicia recently posted..power nap ponderings
so true… sometimes we all need to ask for a little help and realise that it is not a sign of weakness, but something quite the opposite. You should be so proud of yourself and may it all become a little clearer for you now too. lots of love xx
Tahlia @ the parenting files recently posted..8 tips for summer holiday fun
Just setting your mind on this is a good step forward to your goal on Happy Living. I’m looking forward to accompanying you on your journey next yr to achieve this!
Ai Sakura recently posted..Christmas 2012 | More Festive Photos along Orchard Road!
That’s an excellent way of thinking about, the gaps in the cloud.
I hope you are able to find the peace and rest that you need. It’s hard to admit that we need a little time out and rest every now and then, but so worth it in the end. I know whenever I do get that chance for a time out, for some rest, that I appreciate everything about my life so much more.
Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions recently posted..Don’t Sweat the Big Stuff
Grace it takes an awful lot of courage and self awareness to admit that you are struggling and it’s fantastic that you’re able to do that, many can’t and just go on until they snap. I hope the talking gives you the perspective, strength and coping mechanisms you need xx
Oh & I love, love Kirrily ‘s quote, so true.
Kyla @ TQF recently posted..They Don’t Tell You
I hope that the New Year brings sunny skies for you. You have a lovely family, I struggle with one very energetic toddler so upmost respect to you.
Wishing you all the best for 2013. xx
IBOT
rhian @melbs recently posted..Note to self – Tidy up my knickers!
Dear Grace, I wish the New Year will bring you “happy living” as you say and also time for you, where you can take care of yourself and do the things you love. You took the right decision in seeking for help.
Rita recently posted..How do you deal with “negative people”?
I’m so glad you found someone objective to speak with and I hope it’ll lift the weight you’re carrying, Grace. Having someone to listen without judgment can make such an enormous difference. My new counsellor is the best thing since sliced bread. I hope yours is too!
Jayne recently posted..What I Know About Ritual
Sorry to hear it’s caught up with you Grace. Great that you’ve recognised it and are doing something about it. That’s such a hard lesson. Happy to be an ear anytime – I’ve also been there, done that (doing it now, really…) xxx
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..My Christmas wish list
Don’t you know it. Those gaps, I imagine, are like those polar caps. We should be grateful ours aren’t affected by global warming, at least. Hang in there, mama. The end of the world is next Friday!
I kid, I kid. T.G.I.F!
Nami recently posted..The Evolution Of Cain
the consequences we face once we make the choice to become parents are far from what we can ever imagine
well done for asking for help
most don’t and think that the dark cloud is just they way it has to be
may the new year bring more living and less survival
xx
Josefa @always Josefa recently posted..The Butterfly and the Storm
Good girl Grace, you take care of yourself first and all else will follow. Twins are blooming hard work – I know especially today. My wee lad had me in tears of despair for a while there this morning. Aaargghh. But it passes, it does.
Seana Smith recently posted..On The Road With A Jucy Campervan + The Kids
I love that idea of gaps in the clouds. I can’t imagine having twins in addition to the usual stresses of just being a parent at all. Definitely be open about it, talk to whoever you need to and don’t think you need to keep a stiff upper lip! It’s all too common for women to feel ‘weak’ and hide away instead of seeking practical help. More power to you!
Lara @ This Charming Mum recently posted..On the Wiggles: end of an era and new beginnings
Love and respect to you Grace. I hope that 2013 will see you find those spaces between the clouds.
Mumabulous recently posted..Silent Night – Holy Shite!
So beautifully expressed, Grace. And well done for listening to your heart, body and spirit. I nodded through this post thinking ‘yes, yes, I hear you sister!’… struggling through exhaustion is a matter close to my heart as you know. I love what Kirrily said. What wise and poetic words. I wish you so much love and strength. xxx
I have said this a lot in the multiples forum that I am a member of, but talking to professionals about these things can quite literally be a lifesaver. Well done for acknowledging and acting upon your feelings, that makes you a stronger person.
The Declutterbug versus captain Stingypants recently posted..An unromantic date and a Liebster Award
Grace, I’m so happy that you have stopped trying to keep up the charade. As a mum of twins boys myself (though much older now), I can never forget the relentess role I played as their mother when they were little nor how exhausted I was. It was tough!! The sleep deprivation was torture and the very little amount of time I got myself was hard. There is no shame in admitting to yourself that it is hard and that you may need some help. As mums, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. What we should focus a little more on is being kind to ourselves and giving ourselves a little TLC and time out. Take care of you! 😉 xo
Min recently posted..When you feel too much
It’s really great that you’ve found someone to talk to. I know how relieving it feels to offload all that crap on to a professional who is paid to just sit there and listen.
I have been surprised since becoming a parent that some people (maybe family, friends, society in general) can have an expectation that mums should just suck it up and deal. Well, it isn’t that bloody easy. It is bloody hard work and talking to someone can be all it takes to lift a load.
Great post.
V.
Vanessa @ babblingbandit.me recently posted..All I want for Christmas is…
Bring on a fantastic 2013 grace! I have to admit 2013 at times has been just about surviving. We’ve had our moments but its been a tough one.
Lifeasmummymax recently posted..Matters of the heart
You are a strong beautiful mama , twins are hard work indeed and it’s okay to acknowledge you need help. Onwards to happier living.
Trish recently posted..Touchy Time out – my first RedBalloon experience
Thank you for sharing this, Grace. For your honesty. It’s beautiful. And I hope that life becomes more beautiful for you, with far more rays of sunshine and fewer clouds. Look after yourself. x Em
Emily recently posted..Some days you enjoy; some days you endure
Nicely put! I do agree we all need some gaps in the clouds to breath. I don’t raise a twin but my two boys are only one year apart and they are now four and three so I can get the feeling. Raising child is indeed an exhausting journey although at the end the feeling when seeing our children happy is really rewarding. Take care Grace 🙂 XX
Rina recently posted..Sometimes Spammers Crack Jokes Too
One foot in front of the other, Mama x
Good Golly Miss Holly! recently posted..My kids are rockin’ threads cooler than mine, and I don’t know how I feel about that.
Oh Grace. I’m sorry to hear of the cloud that’s been forming over your head. I’ve suffered with that cloud many a time, and going to get help is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.
Sending you the biggest hugs, and if you ever need someone to talk to, just know I’m always here !
xx
Tracey @ Bliss Amongst Chaos recently posted..Awards, Awards And More Awards!
I’m totally with you – a happy wife is a happy life. I’ve spent the past year just scraping by and now that I’ve got 2 weeks off work I’ve realised what a nutcase, stressed mumma I’ve been. There’s been days when I’ve wondered if things will ever get better, and everyone tells me they will. Thinking of you and as a mumma who had 3 under 3.5 I feel your pain. Enjoy Xmas and having a happy play for 2013 sounds perfect!!
Emily recently posted..Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo nearly visited our pool
You need to refuel so you have some spare for when the shite hits. And we all know there are those weeks when it hits big time. Nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. Nothing wrong with getting help before you need it either. Super mum, super shmum.
Danya Banya recently posted..A Letter to Bee (3 months)
This parenting gig is a hard one and it really is those gaps in the clouds that keep us going! As your babies grow, more and more sun will shine through those gaps… it does get easier 😉
Lovely post Grace. Wishing you and your family lots of sunshine in 2013 xo
Cassandra recently posted..Coconut Ice… Just Like Nanna Used To Make ‘Em
All sounds very familiar Grace…. xoxo
I hear ya, Grace, I hear ya. thank you for being honest too. The more honest we are, the less taboo it is to speak up, or be heard. I’ve had many a survival year (never with twins though) and as humans and other creatures are priority, it gets to the point that the house is let go completely. And I mean completely. Like right now- and I think if anyone saw- oh my gawd. But that’s because I now put my own health first xxx
Look at all the love above, G, look at it. That’s a huge endorsement to reaffirm you’ve made the right decision. I know I’m in survival mode a lot too. I don’t think I’ve a black cloud hovering overhead but as you write, sometimes we live in denial. The idea of rest sounds lovely though….gaps in the clouds. xx
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