One of the beauties of time is the self-reflection it offers.
I distinctly remember the day that I wasn’t feeling well – in my heart and in my head.
Nothing seemed to resolve itself. The harder I tried to cease the anxiety, the stress and the anger…the more it surfaced. Fizzling to the top, spilling into a convoluted emotional outpour.
I can vividly recall stopping at the red traffic light and breaking into a sudden burst of tears. Suddenly discovering that this. What I was feeling, wasn’t normal.
Returning home, I found my husband in the kitchen and ran over to hug him tight. Again and again he asked me what was wrong.
Finally, in between the violent sobs I whispered, “I think I have depression…”
Funnily enough, until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much of a muddle I was actually in.
And having uttered those very words terrified me.
I was so sure I knew who I was. The essence of me held inner strength, ambition and confidence. I was the extrovert. A communicator. The sociable, affable one.
Or so I thought.
Since that teary day, when I ultimately faced my demons and asked for help, the journey to recovery has been slow. But steady. And then not so.
There have been detours and setbacks.
But I can look back and see how far (and deep) I’ve come. There are still underlying issues that need to be uncovered and dealt with.
But from here on now, there’s a stronger, controlling grasp on life.
And for what it’s worth, there is far less doubt as to who I am.
To the light again.
Joining the IBOT team over at Essentially Jess
Just wanted to send xxx and ooo. You’ve done good so far. Keep on going.
‘To the light again’….That is exactly how I viewed my own burrowing out from depression!
Glimmers of light, then darkness and setbacks – once you know the light is there, you keep heading that way.
Love you xx
kirri recently posted..How to let go when it’s bloody hard!
All change, even change for the better, takes time and work – you’re doing great (and I never knew – so you seem from the outside far more on top of it, than at times you feel)
Nice post! 🙂
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Oh wow Grace – sending you big hugs! xxx
Thanks, Deb! That means a lot xxx
Love xx
And I love Newton Faulkner. Great choice of song.
Emily recently posted..Mother guilt is unrelenting
You are doing a great job by the sound of it dear Grace. Much love, light and healing to you.
Thanks, Trish. Sending love, light and healing to you too x
Keep going strong Mama Grace. Big hugs xox
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there is not one thing I know of that doesn’t take a little time. and sometimes the setbacks make us stronger too. Keep up the great work and positive mindset. You are doing great! xx
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Grace love the song and the idea of coming back into the light. We walk around with our shadow, so I reckon its OK to feel down as you walk towards the light and find yourself along the way.
Kathy recently posted..Feeling all zen
Big Hugs Grace. Hope life is getting more manageable for you. Good for you ( & others)sharing xx
Lisa recently posted..Is your truth better than a good story?
It’s a journey I’ve traveled for years Grace. Just remembering to take it easy on myself and choose smaller goals on a daily basis works wonders for me.
Much love and follow the light! xxXOoo
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Gorgeous Grace, please remember to look after you, because I know you look after everybody else.
Huge virtual hugs, honey. xx
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen recently posted..A to Z of ZEN. R is for…..
I think there is a lot to be said for acknowledging that we don’t have it all together – I don’t for sure – sometimes I have it together less than other times.
It is almost a relief when we recognise and deal with the issues. Good for you and it’s great that you are working on changing things – yes we have steps backwards, but it is great to see ourselves moving forwards again.
Have the best day !
Me
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I know that journey you are on very well. Reflection and time are like precious jewels. You are on the right track lovely Grace. Love and hugs, Min xo
Min recently posted..Unplugged – Part 5
It’s amazing how feeling so well, can actually help you see how NOT well you actually were.
Glad you’re getting there Grace xx
EssentiallyJess recently posted..A Wisdomous Week
Beautiful post Grace. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling like you are starting to find the other side. Big hugs XxXxX
Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions recently posted..I Need a Holiday… from Myself!
Grace, you are so inspiring and so inspirational to so many, you are so brave to share from the heart.
I had post-natal depression with one of my sons, and had to have cancelling for sometime along side medication.
The road to feeling normal was a long journey but slowly it was worth it. To feel like me was good!
And you will feel it again – you will feel like you….until then I send you lots of love xxx
Lisa Wood recently posted..Travelling The Right Way
Thank you for sharing. Sending good wishes and positive vibes on your journey.
Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me recently posted..Being shy
Love to you Grace. Depression is a such a black dog. xx Danya
Danya Banya recently posted..A Letter to JJ (3 years)
Its getting there that makes it worth it. xxx
Becci Birdy Num Num recently posted..Unschooling – Why I think its a ridiculous idea (IBOT)
Wow Grace – what a big post.
Sending you lots of love. X
Robomum recently posted..Mummy/Miss and Manic Mornings
So glad you have the courage to face your demons Grace. And the courage to speak out. People appreciate it, I know they do. xx
Zanni Louise recently posted..The getting of affection
Beautiful words Grace. Life really is like a rollercoaster. It just depends on how we as individuals deal with the dips, how far we let them fall and how much power we can muster to rise back up again. I’m so happy you are on the way up!
V.
Vanessa @ babblingbandit.me recently posted..Retail therapy
Big hug for you Grace, a very big hug! XX
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Bug hugs Grace. Depression is a dark place 🙁 so “towards the light”.
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Sending you positive energy and strength Grace. I think if you keep moving forward towards that light, a little each day, the journey will take over and you will find your healing xx
Josefa from #teamIBOT
Josefa @always Josefa recently posted..Why it is OK to Crush Candy and Kill Zombies
Love ya Grace x
Those evil shadows have cast their wicked spell over me many times too and there have been occasions where I couldn’t fight the darkness. But now I know the lovely light is always there just waiting for me to embrace it, as it is for you. You are brave and strong for sharing, Grace. Big hugs, lovely lady x
Aleney recently posted..Tasting Taiwan
Grace it must be quite confronting having to feel such horrible, rare emotions every day – you are quite a pillar of light for many me thinks! By telling your story you will inspire others! Em x
Emily @ Have a laugh on me recently posted..The movies – a place where you can undo your pants and enjoy two hours of pleasure!
Sending you big hugs and lots of love. I know exactly how you are feeling. Funny that our posta this week are similar. xxx
Beautiful post, Grace. You’re a brave, strong woman.
I’ve added your post to Francesca’s Festa of Favourites for June xx
https://francescawriteshere.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/francescas-festa-of-favourites-june-2013.html
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“But from here on now, there’s a stronger, controlling grasp on life.” Keep up that iron grip, mama. We’re all rooting for the same thing!
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