Is there a little bit of crazy in all of us? And how much of it do we show to our partners?
Modern day philosopher Alain de Botton was in town over the weekend to promote his new book, “The Course of Love”
Speaking at the Opera House, his topic was obviously on love. But his angle was unconventional and surprisingly refreshing.
We’re dangerously caught up in a world of love based on Romanticism, de Botton explains.
Exciting, intense, deep love that happens impulsively and our soul mate knows us inside out without us even ever having to say much because well, they just “get” us.
Be rid of all those unrealistic notions because the key for a lasting relationship, claims de Botton, is to upfront about how crazy we really are.
We can then automatically reach the conclusion that no one is easy to live with.
This could have saved my husband some suffering.
No doubt, my little quirks were endearing during early courtship – wearing hot pink bed socks, solving Sudoku on the bog, snoring in the cinema.
But now he has committed a LIFETIME with the she devil who after showering and using up all the hot water, always leaves a wet towel on the bed.
I kinda agree with de Botton. But he also assumes that prior into entering a relationship, we should already know what makes us crazy.
Gee, I’m in my mid-40’s and I’ve only touched the tip of my insane iceberg.
Then I also think, if we want to just lay all our imperfections out there from the get go, we may as well spend an evening speed dating.
After all, isn’t figuring out the flaws the very essence of being in a relationship? Finding forgiveness in each other’s mistakes.
In the journey we take with our partners, through their annoyances and misgivings, isn’t there the opportunity to see our own?
What’s your endearing quirk, er, I mean quality? Who snores – you or your partner? Are you familiar with Alain de Botton?
PS I’ll be in hospital for a day procedure (nothing serious, just taking care of my lady bits). But I’ll make sure to read and comment all your posts as that’s what will keep me occupied and away from the self-pity pool. So, link up and send your good vibes!
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We’ve both got hospital vibes! Only I’m mine are through transference.
I am sure I have a gazillion quirks and annoyances. After 18 years of marriage my husband’s have started to drive me insane, I can’t imagine what mine are doing to him …
I’ve come to the conclusion we are complete opposites!
I sleep like a pin, he sleeps like a washing machine.
I make the bed as soon as we get out, he can live happily with beds unmade
I like order, he likes clutter
I wash up as I go, he is happy to wait until morning.
I wake at dawn and hit the sack early
He likes an afternoon siesta so he can sit up really late.
I like to walk everywhere. He hates to walk anywhere.
How the hell did we get together?
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted..Day 2463 – Hospital vibes
Haha! Well, I think the fact that you both are fully aware how different you both are makes your marriage a success! 18 years, well done! Hope your gorgeous girl is feeling better x
Totally understand the hospital vibes. Hope you are okay.
Food for thought Grace!
JodY At Six Little Hearts recently posted..Bobux Shoes by French Designer Solène Roure. A Review and Giveaway #SLHFeaturedThursdays
Thanks, Jody. Feeling a lot better x
I haven’t heard of this relationship geezer but I think what he has to say has some merit but I also agree with you. It takes a lifetime to really learn about one another and to learn to compromise, be patient, work together etc. Those acts are crazy love I’d say.
Vicki @ Knocked Up & Abroad recently posted..Coupling in Fiji
Compromise, patience – I learn those things every day!!
I actually think he’s wrong on this because he works on the assumption that you don’t change. And I don’t mean, don’t change for each other, I mean don’t change. You might lose a sibling or parent and go off the deepend, channelling you grief into an obsession of fitness or something that completely alters your interests and time availabilty, you might lose your job and pour all your efforts into seeking approval of random people off the internet and neglect your spouse and kids (or have affairs, having always been a conservative judge of such behaviour), you might spend all your time on fb and basically stop talking to each other or you might just throw yourself into work for glory there and decide you are too tired to go out anymore and the list goes on….so the mundane crazy acknowledge prior to the relationship is irrelevant, it’s the unforseen selfishness that takes it toll.
So the course of true love is the ability to give and take, work together, enable each others dreams and passions….and these evolve continually.
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..Take a break – Snowtime and the Hunter Valley
Very valid point – change and the ability to work together through it. His book actually goes through change but more the change in the relationship rather than each other. I don’t know how much I’ve changed since being married. I do know I’ve found more quirks in me, though 🙂
In some ways, I think I chose the love I partner who annoyed me the least! Ha!
Hope the hospy stay is no big deal, take care xx
Amy @ handbagmafia recently posted..Pokémon Parents, GO!
Haha! I think I chose the partner who could tolerate my annoyances the most! Hospy was blagh. Feeling better now…
I’m with you Grace, I’m still working out my crazy, it’s changing all the time.
The priest who married us said just love each other….. And communicate.
I think communication is the key, then you can overcome crazy, or at least talk about it X
Good luck at the hospital, last time I was there I woke up wanting to party with all the nurses. Xx
Communication is absolute key! Why is the person you love the most also the most difficult to express your feelings to?
First up, sending good hozzie vibes your way! Neither of us snore, although I grind my teeth like a boss which is probably more annoying! I think love is all about accepting someone as they are and loving them as my mum would say “warts and all”! After all, nobody’s perfect!
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid recently posted..She’s So Inspiring – Kylie Travers
Great points! The quicker we realise nobody’s perfect – especially ourselves – the more forgiving we are to our partner’s flaws/quirks.
Teeth grinding! I used to do that!
I hope your hospital stay goes smoothly and quickly! Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Ingrid @ fabulous and fun life recently posted..5 Winter Essentials
Thank you! All good x
As much as I would like to make a really good comment about all this I’m at a place in my life where that is just impossible.
My husband and I were very different in lots of ways. He was tidy, I am messy, we liked different foods, he was a snorer, I’m not.
But after 20 years and 4 children we found the one thing that we both have in common….we both love men!!! Hahaha..I can only laugh….. or I’ll cry……
Mandy @ barbie bieber and beyond recently posted..We Were Dancin’ And Singin’ In The Rain
Oh, Mandy…cry when you need to. Wishing you brighter days ahead…with lots of laughter!
Hope you’re out and about quickly. I most certainly do not snore but my husband does enough for the street. I do occasionally wake up screaming though, so there’s that.
Beth | AlmostPosh.com recently posted..Mid-Year Review: Wardrobe, Blogging and Business
Oh, Beth! I hope it’s not from nightmares 🙁 Thanks for the well wishes x
Hope your surgery went well and recover completely soon!! xox
I agree with your last bit about finding out the crazy and quirks slowly.. I think that makes the journey more interesting… which is the best part of being in a relationship. What fun is left if you already know everything about something (or someone)?
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Ai Sakura recently posted..Home Living | Towards an Industrial Chic Home
Oh gosh! I love finding out the stupid quirks about my husband. They make up for all of my blog fodder! Haha! Thanks for the positive vibes x
Thinking of you during your procedure lovely. This post is RIGHT where my head is at right now. Isn’t it hard living someone who isn’t exactly who we want them to be, and nor should they be. Great post, and I too am on that journey to embracing differences xxx
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted..Who I really am – Part 1
No one ever tells us how hard marriage/long term relationships actually are, do they? Big hugs to you lovely xxx
I read his article in the paper the other day about this and I thought it was interesting. I think he thinks we should know ourselves first well enough before we get into a relationship because only then can we bare our imperfections to one another. If you’re single, you do things a certain way and are so used to it, you may not even think of it as an imperfection. It’s only when you come together with someone else, you realise what you can and can’t put up with. It’s been almost 2 years with Mr Imperfect and there are certainly things about him that drive me mad as there are thing about me that drive him bonkers. I’m the neat one, he’s bloody messy. There are other things too but I guess we are trying to figure it out. It’s not easy sharing your life with someone else but yes, it’s about accepting all those flaws for better or worse, I suppose
Sanch @ Sanch Writes recently posted..The Write Life
Yes, in theory how nice would it be if we were able to know ourselves well enough before delving into a relationship. The never ending question is, when do we fully know ourselves?
Sending happy hospital vibes your way! And wow, where to start with my list of ‘endearing’ qualities? I honestly don’t know. The toilet roll goes over. That goes without saying. I will switch it if it’s not. Every time.
Emily recently posted..The Dangerous Bride – Lee Kofman (book review)
Haha! I change the toilet roll around too! But hubby swears he puts it the “right way”. Huh!
Hope you are OK cougar. I’ll be in touch for a catch up soon as.
Meanwhile – yes love Alain!
Yes! Drinkie poos soon! x
I’m booking in a small procedure when I’m back from holiday, and have an appointment with my doctor about my ladybits. I’d say feeling your vibe but it sounds weird! Luckily you know I am weird!
Hope it all goes well xx
The Welshman knows I’m weird too. And that’s why we’ve been happily married for, like, ever. Because we both think each other’s weird is perfect.
Kimba Likes recently posted..why I don’t like the term real women
PS – yes I do know Alain de Botton and his philosophy. Don’t necessarily agree with everything but we need Official Thinkers!
Kimba Likes recently posted..why I don’t like the term real women
Thanks, lovely. All the best with your appointment. Dealing with ladybits isn’t fun but oh so necessary x
I hope you are Ok tonight and back home..where you belong.
I like Alain de Botton because he thinks of stuff I might not ever consider. I’ve heard him on all kinds of topics and my most recent foray is into his Art as Therapy which he co-wrote with John Armstrong. I heard John speak at SWFestival in 2014 about the book. I like both guys who make us think more.
As for love and partners. I can tell you now that we met waaaaay young and got married.That’s what we did. The relationship has stood many, many tests where others may not have stayed together. One of our secrets (if its such a thing) is that we stopped sharing a bed/sleeping space a long time ago. This is practical as hub’s hours for sleep are far different to mine thanks to his various medical conditions and we would continue to disturb each other far too much. So, that works. Oh, and we are complementary to each other. We each bring different things to the relationship as well as the common elements of love, care and kindness for and of each other.
Denyse Whelan recently posted..Hawaii in 2006. 366/197.
Your relationship with B is a beautiful testament, D. I can see how you bring out different elements in each other. Very fulfilling marriage x
Sounds like a very interesting speaker. I’m sure I have plenty of quirks – stacking the dishwasher in a particular way, the way I organise the pillows on our bed, the list goes on. But we all have our own ways of doing things and that’s what makes me me. It would be a boring world otherwise 🙂
Oh, I love those quirks! Without them, life is so much more colourful, isn’t it? 🙂