It was a morning like any other. Frantically busy. Already half an hour late, the boys weren’t any closer to getting ready for daycare.
I was in a shittier mood than usual.
Stressing out over something trivial like not being able to find my sunglasses or my husband leaving (yet another) empty milk bottle in the fridge.
I’d been catastrophizing a little more than usual over the past couple of days, making the tiniest, minute issue into something insurmountable.
Trying to calm me down, Mr Surfer’s come back line had been, “It’s no big deal.”
That just made me fume even more.
My immediate retort (with steam blowing out of my head and nostrils) was:
“It’s a big deal to ME. The fact that you don’t think it is, is demeaning something important to ME…”
And I’d let him have it.
Off we parted to get on with our day, me in my usual huff, him shaking his head in complete confusion.
A couple of hours later and several missed calls from my dad and my husband, I arrived home to hear that my late cousin’s husband was in hospital, under critical condition.
It hadn’t even been a year since her own passing in that tragic car accident, my cousin’s two surviving children were now in danger of losing their only remaining parent.
After speaking to my dad, I called Mr Surfer.
I’m so very blessed that I have a forgiving husband who can also forget my atrocious behaviour so easily.
Having already heard the news from my parents, our phone call mainly consisted of my sobs and tears.
Disbelief. Shock. Utter, unbearable sadness.
He came home from work immediately and held me with the same tight squeeze when my cousin died only 10 months ago.
We were back here again and all I could think of was how this, this pain, this tragedy and awful injustice to one family was the big deal.
We always try to remind ourselves not to “sweat over the small stuff”; that life’s so much bigger and significant than the niggly, trivial inconveniences.
But it’s hard not to get caught up in the daily drone.
We all do it.
The thing is, I don’t even remember what I was specifically upset over that morning.
But for the rest of my life, I’ll never forget the pain for my cousin’s two children who have lost so, so much.
Joining Essentially Jess for #IBOT