As my head is slowly recovering from the previous night’s alcohol consumption, random thoughts are gradually sweeping into one pile. At last making sense.
Yesterday’s Blogopolis panel discussion about finding your own voice and staying relevant is still ringing loudly in my mind.
I sat through it, in awe of how these women spoke with great flair and confidence about how important it is for us bloggers to embrace our quirky uniqueness.
I get that.
But for myself, there is a conscious block holding me back from revealing it all.
My personality isn’t any weaker for it. My blog and the words I write are still authentic.
Sometimes, the wiser choice is to quietly sit with it.
Despite the pseudonyms and anonymity, mindlessly spewing it out on the internet leaves nothing but a permanent stain against a real person.
Thanks to my own scarring past experiences, there’s now a lingering reservation from opening up too much. A little scared that the consequences will lead to having words stolen from me again.
I’m not up for the scrutiny.
And while trolls and haters are inevitable, there’s also the option to try and avoid being their bait.
To draw the right card at the appropriate time; to decide when to hold it close to my chest.
It doesn’t make me stand out any less.
There are certain times when silence is gold.
Giving the deserved reverence to delicate, highly-personal issues.
Ultimately asking myself, “Do I really need to hit that publish button ?”
Maybe I hover over it too much and need to press it a little more.
Still.
Whether I do or not, I know my feelings are still valid.
My voice still counts.
It was so lovely to meet you in the flesh, wish we could have hung out a bit more. I totally get what you’re saying here. For me, its about being true to myself and keeping my blog the place I set out to create. Your voice so totally counts Grace.
Catherine xx
PS – I just added you to my blog roll 🙂
Catherine Rodie Blagg @CoTaaB recently posted..Juggling Pineapples
So lovely to have finally met you too, Catherine!
Next time we’ll definitely have to have a proper chat. Will be putting the wheels in motion for a Flogger’s Get-Together 🙂 xxx
Yes I too got the message to embrace our quirkiness. I’m afraid I too have been holding back and am hoping that will really change.
Kathie
@bravediscussion
Kathie Melocco recently posted..Blogopolis 2012
I had never thought of myself as quirky but I guess writing a blog is kinda just that 🙂
Hold back for as long as you need to; the blogosphere’s not going anywhere in a hurry.
You are a smart lady x
Thank ya, Mrs Woog! x
Nicely put! Looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts on Blogopolis.
Emily recently posted..Sometimes life gives you nice surprises
There’s already some great posts out there. Make sure your eyes are on Twitter to find them all!
Love it, so true! Another great post from you. A pleasure to meet you yesterday Grace! 🙂
Jodi recently posted..Sunday-itis
Lovely meeting you too, Jodi! Hope your first day back has been a breeze ! 🙂
Amen sister. Amen. X
Ain’t it the truth ? x
Hi Grace – it was so nice to meet you yesterday and I too found that particular talk very thought-provoking.
While you wouldn’t think it would happen on a cutesy ‘pet blog’, things can also get very nasty & political at times (God, arguments over the “right” way to train a dog can equal arguments over the right way to raise a child!) – and I admit to sometimes purposefully avoiding the more ‘heavy’, political topics or potentially inflammatory statements in our posts – even if they’re spoken in the voice of a dog! 😛
Not because I am afraid of defending my own opinion but mainly, I just can’t be bothered sometimes and why invite all that strife & nastiness? As you so eloquently said, “…while trolls and haters are inevitable, there’s also the option to try and avoid being their bait.” There are people out there just spoiling for a fight and waiting for any opportunity to pick one.
Anyway, I don’t think it always has to be “complete silence” as the alternative – on Honey’s blog, we often tackle topics in a irreverant, lighthearted way…after all, as dogs say: live in the moment – and why not make it a fun one? 😛 For example, here’s Honey’s take on Blogopolis: https://bighoneydog.com/2012/07/blogopolis/ – focusing on the REALLY important thing at the conference, of course! 😉
Hsin-Yi
Hsin-Yi & Honey the Great Dane recently posted..Nuffnang Blogopolis & the Scone Conspiracy
Hi Hsin-Yi! Lovely meeting you the other day and love your, um, I mean Honey’s blog!
I totally agree that it doesn’t have to be a complete silence…that would be dull! Sometimes I think things though, don’t need to be said right there and then. Or, if it does, I like your idea of sprinkling the topic with some humour or just light-heartedness 🙂
Catch up with you again soon!
You are a wise woman. It’s so hard to achieve this balance. Very well said. xx
Deb @ Bright and Precious recently posted..Flourish
That balance can be hard. Listening to your gut and listening to reason can sometimes only be a whisker’s difference…xxx
You are brave blogging the day after. I can’t put two words together. Anyhoo. I totally agree with you here. And I think a blog generally reflects our personalities. To say everyone should write without barriers or self-censorship, is to say everyone should be the kind of person who goes up to someone in real life and tells them everything about themselves. Not everyone is like that. Blogs that are raw and contain a lot of personal emotion are compelling, but more restrained writers can be compelling too, sometimes even moreso.
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..To Sir, with Love, but I’ll never be your Facebook friend
“…but more restrained writers can be compelling too, sometimes even moreso.” – That!!!
Lovely meeting you on Saturday. x
As I mentioned in my preso, I am not one of the bloggers that can pour out all my emotions/thoughts on the internet. You have to do what feels right to you. xx
PlanningQueen recently posted..Ladro Kids Pizza Making Classes
Your words rang loud and clear. I was nodding profusely in agreement…Loved your presso, Nic xxx
Like Rachel, I’ve only just managed to turn on my laptop but commenting is all I can manage now. You know your voice and we can tell you speak from the heart, but just like in real life, not everything needs to be said. We all like to keep something to ourselves either because we don’t want everyone to know everything or we’re not ready to voice it to ourselves. Don’t feel you need to tell all, a little mystery keeps us interesting 😉 xxx
Becci recently posted..The night before Blogopolis
Happy to keep a little mystery, Becci!
How was your head yesterday? Mine was pounding African drumbeats 😉
My dear friend, and often mentor,
you are wise and heeding your own guidance is the way to go…I have struggled with the idea of ‘opening up’ more and remain somewhat guarded and always will as I combine ‘my life stories’ with ‘my professional guidance’.
one thing that became obvious for me though, yesterday, is the way each of us blogs..it’s as individual as a fingerprint. A voice cannot be replicated. It would be FAKE.
Keep your voice as you write. It is enough.
Love Denyse
Denyse Whelan recently posted..Blogging After Blogopolis aka #NNB2012
“As individual as a fingerprint…” so true, D.
I think there’s a fine art to telling our stories without revealing everything about ourselves.
I’ve loved seeing the progression in your blog and how its become a little more personal yet, keeping within your own boundaries.
You know my thoughts and feelings on this matter already 🙂
I just love you! I get so much benefit from having your voice in my life.
kirri recently posted..Rockin’ Mamma Interview with Gemma Klamer
Just as your voice is important in mine, lovely. xxx
Damn straight baby. Nobody- nobody- blogs absolutely everything. For your own sanity if nothing else you need to hold back some things and you should never publish if you’re not comfortable with it- and everyone’s comfort levels are different. It doesn’t take anything away from your blog or your voice or your writing…. and let’s face it, some of us (erm… I am the worst offender, yes :p) really like to push the boundaries… but that doesn’t mean anybody else should feel obligated to do the same xxxx
Lori @ RRSAHM recently posted..$25, Well Spent.
You’re one of the most confident, bold, pushing the boundaries bloggers, I know. And you have my admiration and respect. xxx
A great post with some great comments. Your blog is your space, your little corner of the interwebs and you must fill it with what makes you feel comfortable. Just because you don’t want to put your entire private life on display does not make your voice any less valid. V.
Vanessa @ Babbling Bandit recently posted..The night before Blogopolis 2012
That’s exactly it, Vanessa.
There’s a space for me in this blogosphere…even if it is just a little corner with my own community of readers. It’s where I’m most comfortable.
I bet you have had such an amazing time there! I am looking forward to read your forthcoming posts about your cool experiences and inspirational thoughts about the event. I have heard so much great about Blogopolis before, I wish I could have the chance to get there once.
Elisabeth recently posted..Eine schöne Wochenende: Naturfotos mit meiner Freundin
It was a great conference. Hope you get the chance to go next year. Thanks for dropping by!
Love your words and thoughts on this. Just beautifully expressed. X
Nice to meet you. Shame it was in the loo!
Kim-Marie recently posted..Write Stuff : Magical Musical Memories
Thanks, Kim-Marie! Nothing like loo buddies 😉
Planning to organise a Sydney-based Floggers get together sometime soon…will keep you posted 🙂
I definitely find the “voice” thing very tricky. I have made the decision to have a ‘resource’ style blog, with (hopefully) some personality behind it, rather than the personal style blog that I wrote for years until last November (it was Welcome to the Rockgarden). My husband has always had reservations about blogging and sharing information on the internet. I share some of those reservations, but obviously I also LOVE writing, sharing ideas, having an audience, having a voice.
Kylie @ Octavia and Vicky recently posted..How to: Make a marble run
It is a tricky balance, isn’t it, Kylie? I think you can still have your personality shine behind a resource style blog (Look at Nicole Avery@Planning With Kids…she has plenty of personality! :))
Just gotta do what sits comfortable with you. Lovely meeting you at Blogopolis!
You definitely have a voice, my dear, and many love to hear it. I think there is wisdom in being measured about what we say and when we say it. It just makes your voice stand out with greater impact in the times you do say something very significant. Endless “babble” would be like white noise and sometimes it’s easy to tune out a bit. It reminds me of the grandmother in the Steve Martin movie, “Parenthood” (did you see it). She babbled here and there and was a little off her rocker but she came out with some great insights that made you sit up and listen, like near the end of the movie;
“[Gil has been complaining about his complicated life; Grandma wanders into the room]
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it. ”
And let there be a lesson in that for all of us! 😉
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Blogging Lessons from Blogopolis
LOL! What a great scene! Makes me want to go out and get that movie now 🙂
I think the biggest mistake people make is that because a person reveals some things online, that they then assume they reveal everything.
There’s a lot to be learnt from the hesitation over the publish button, regardless of what your decision is. That doubt can teach you to look at yourself in a new way and ultimately it doesn’t matter if you make it public or not.
Ultimately I am measured in whether I publish or not. But I’m also aware that more often than not that hesitation is because I am venturing outside my comfort zone. I wasn’t saying that anyone who didn’t publish wasn’t authentic. I was saying that if I didn’t publish I wouldn’t be authentic.
For me, if I’m hesitating on hitting the publish button, I need to be asking myself the following:
1) Do I need to reveal that part of me ? (whether it be great or small…)
2) Am I up for the possible combative comments ?
3) Am I prepared for the possibility of other far more serious ramifications ?
Then, if I decide to step down, then I’m still learning something about myself.
I admire and respect those who can overcome those questions and can still publish.
I have just as much for those who deliberately stay silent because sometimes they’re venturing outside their comfort zone too.
Mamagrace, always listen to your own inner voice on what is most useful to…you to reveal to the world. It is not necessary for strangers to know every key facet of ourselves.
I aim to leave an authentic, but a good footprint of me in blogosphere. If I cannot foster a better relationship with loved ones, if I mention them in my blog posts and they end up reading it one day, then it’s not a good idea for me to stoke my own ego for short-lived therapy…from strangers via blogging.
Just me spewing in anger and frustration with no constructive action on the open Internet, doesn’t really help me long term. I doubt it would help others if I don’t even offer a solution /way to solve my own articulated online problems.
I write everything but I don’t publish everything. I have a document on my laptop for my blog that I bind into a book but there’s so many things in there that doesn’t end up on the blog. You know what you’re comfortable with. The books I’ve printed for the family have everything that I want my daughter to know about, but not necessarily the interwebz 😉
Kristyn recently posted..My PIXMUM artwork
Great thoughtful post. Rachel x
Rachel from Redcliffe Style recently posted..Botox or Notox Update – 4 1/2 months later
It’s hard to know when to play those cards isn’t it? I wrote something similar a couple of weeks back. I wish I had been able to listen to those inspirational people. Listen to your heart, and keep on blogging. xx
Happylan recently posted..Grateful for time
I get it, you need to protect yourself and your family. You know when its right to press publish more than anyone, sometimes its good to just get it out, you don’t have to share. I need to think about publishing a little more than I do.
Colleen recently posted..The Problem With Boobs
I think using your voice is about having a message and delivering it in a way that is powerful and is you. It can be through your personal example or it can be through a poem, or a photo, or a fictional story…. It has nothing to do with revealing every detail about you.
I listened to a podcast with Catherine Caine recently (https://www.cashandjoy.com/). She writes her own story first and sits with it, but it’s boring. Then she finds a way to deliver the same message through a fictional story and it speaks volumes. It doesn’t make her less authentic. It adds uniqueness and depth to her voice.
Tat recently posted..Grateful for snow and rainbows