It goes without saying that despite being identical, the twinlets have their own very different personalities.
For some reason though, this fact seems to mind boggle people sometimes. And I guess that’s understandable.
Even from a mother’s perspective, the twinlets aren’t dissimilar in many aspects, they’re also not at all similar in others. Does that make sense? Or have I completely thrown you off?
What I’m trying to say is that at this age, their differences in personalities don’t really present themselves until it comes to a particular situation.
Despite being the eldest (by a whole 2 minutes), Nunu tends to let his brother dominate a conversation.
K-Bear is Mr Chatterbox and when a question is asked to both of them, K-Bear will be the first to jump in with the answer.
It’s not that Nunu’s an introvert or shy. In fact, as Mr Sociable, he loves approaching other kids at the playground to introduce himself then ask them for their name. Sometimes, he’ll do it several times – to the same kid. The poor child being targeted will look at Nunu in bemusement (occasionally in annoyance ) as if to say, “Wait. Didn’t we just go through this???”
Ah, my son. He’s just practicing his social skills.
Problem is, there is a tendency of being overshadowed by his brother. And this has started to be a growing concern for us.
On the rare occasion when time and exceptional organization skills work harmoniously together in our household, we separate the boys for one on one time.
Sometimes we’ll take one to the shopping mall and the other to the airport. One of us might travel in the car while the other takes public transport. Whatever we do, it’s usually impromptu.
On Sunday, we both decided to catch a bus, albeit separate ones. The destinations hadn’t been decided.
We also hadn’t told the twinlets of our plans but minutes before we left the house, Nunu reached over to his brother and gave him a random hug. Kinda like a “Dude, this might be a bit tough for you, but you’ll be fine. Trust me, I’m your older bro” embrace.
I don’t particularly look out for these “twintuition” moments but when they do happen, I sit up to see and soak in how magical it is.
I took K-Bear and wasn’t quite sure where we would go.
Mr Surfer decided that he would just let Nunu lead him.
“I’m just going to let him tell me what he wants to do…”
After boarding the bus and realizing that his mother and brother weren’t coming along, Nunu asked his dad where we were.
“They’re catching a different bus,” was the reply.
“Oh, okay…” and nothing more mentioned.
K-Bear on the other hand, despite usually being the more confident one, held my hand very tightly when our bus arrived. It then occurred to me that maybe, he relies on his brother to be that pillar of confidence for him.
He constantly asked for his brother and his father for the first five minutes then as he kept holding my hand, he slowly slouched into his seat and fell asleep.
Meanwhile, Nunu was having a ball. Time on his own with his dad all to himself and potato chips to boot! For this twin, what wasn’t there to love? More importantly, what or who was there to miss?
As it worked out, we both ended up doing the same thing, catching the bus then the train to Circular Quay. Both had an ice cream and a wander, checking out the ships and ferries.
A quick mobile phone conversation, we decided to meet up but not tell the boys.
The look on the boys’ faces when they first spotted each other could’ve melted my heart like fire to candle wax.
As the twinlets grow into active, independent little boys, I see the need to separate them on a regular basis. It doesn’t need to be for long, massive periods of time.
Just enough to give them the space they need to help discover themselves and become even more confident in who they are.
Because with twins, it’s a given finding strength in numbers. But it takes a conscious effort to build the power of being one.
Joining Jess and the lovely IBOT team
Awwwwwwww. That’s so sweet! Not being a parent to twins this did not occur to me. Clever idea to take them on different expeditions though. Love a happy ending 🙂
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted..Day 1422 – Winter Whining
That is a lovely story and absolutely fascinating. That hug must have made you melt!
Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me recently posted..Supporting women
I have a confession. Whenever you write about your boys…I spend more time admiring their cuteness than I do what you have written. Sorry 🙂
kirri recently posted..How to effectively deal with overwhelm
We have taken our twins separate outings but not like your twintastic adventure with rendezvous.
It is heart melting when they reunite.
I had one home last week and he spent half the day telling me what his twin would be doing …he’ll be having lunch now, when go we go to he bus ? it is time yet ?What time is he coming home !
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this was beautiful to read Grace. I got a bit teary when you said how excited they were to see each other. I can’t even imagine what kind of a bond twins must share. I imagine it might almost be like a parent/child relationship, like you feel they are an extension of you. I had a feeling you were going to say you ended up in the same place! xo Aroha
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Stream of Consciousness {An IBOT Post}
What beautiful boys, you have. I also was a little entranced by their curly hair and shed a tear when they came back together. You said it perfectly they will need time apart to help grow their personalities and for you to really get to know each one individually. I make the time to have one on one time with each of my kids on a regular basis, and now that one is a teenager it has paid off big time he tells me a lot more then his peers tell their parents, and for that I am incredibly grateful x
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Twins are so fascinating. Same genes, but different ways they make an imprint on the world. This is just lovely 🙂
Hello from #teamIBOT
Great post on twins, Grace, just fantastic. They so NEED that time apart… and they need a mum who really sees them as they are, and as they change and grow. Off to share.
Seana – Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel recently posted..The Funerals We Miss – This Emigrant’s Lament And A Fond Memories Of My Gran
That is so sweet. I think all children need to be separated sometimes to help them develop into their own person. What a great mum you are to recognise this.
Eleise recently posted..Toy Area Make over for $150
Totally LOVED this. We’re trying the separation-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder thing, too. Only to pry their fingers off each others necks for but a half hour.
Nami recently posted..Be Yourself
Awwww they are so darn cute 🙂 as much as you want them to be close and keep that twin bond between them, it is also healthy for them to have time apart to grow and be themselves 🙂 you are doing a great job Grace they are gorgeous boys and you should be mighty proud.xxx
Firstly, they are just so gorgeous Mama G! And what great parents you are to allow your boys to have this time, and maybe they both need it. I bet that moment when they saw each other was priceless. I think siblings can dominate each other and one-on-one time is important, I’m trying to have more of that with No.2 – as middle boy he does sometimes fail to speak up like the others! Em xx
Emily @ Have a laugh on me recently posted..Is there anything more awesome than getting a kick-ass trophy? NUP!
Your boys are absolutely gorgeous Grace. I love watching my son develop his own personality too, I can’t even begin to imagine how magical it must be to watch two personalities develop at the same time.
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Lovely post 🙂 I am a twin, with a boy. I am five minutes older than him. I love him so much. My mum mentioned the other day that even in my teens I didn’t want to go places by myself, I always wanted him to come, like he was my “blankie” or something. I don’t know any different because I have obviously always been a twin and it is just the two of us but I think it is a special relationship.
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I remember identical twins at school being separated in high school. They were distraught but it certainly worked in their favour as they developed over the year.
It will certainly be quite a journey!
Your boys are gorgeous. xxXOoo
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Oh Grace! They are so cute! I think it’s good idea to give them one on one time.
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Your final paragraph- brilliant. What caring and aware parents you are. It’s so true that all children need individual rearing, never more so than with multiples. They do need to learn to be independent- it’s a life skill they will need more than others. But those faces. Those FACES! x
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I loved reading this Grace, such an insight into their little world of each other. Maybe they need little stretches apart for different reasons? I love the random hug before they even knew what was happening! xx
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen recently posted..Disco Bowling
What cute boys. How sweet to see them get excited to see each other.
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There’s a travel writer who says it’s important to take trips away with siblings individually (twins or not) and while I think time and money might get in the way of that practically, I can see her point. I love that you and your husband both chose the same activity and desitination. That’s a bit of synchronicity too.
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..First of the Month Fiction – September
Lovely post, Grace. Not having twins myself, I find I really enjoy these little insights you share with us about what parenting twins is like. It’s especially useful for me as we have many twin parents in our study at the hospital which is about parenting pre-term infants – so I really do appreciate the little insights you give. It’s also really great that you’ve considered how important it is for each of the boys to grow into himself and discover who he is. x
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Twins fascinate me (just quietly). My dad was a twin, and he also has twin sisters. I think it’s important that they find their own identity and strengths. They will need them through life. So cute – thanks for sharing.
Melissa @ Bright Side Up recently posted..The Tooth Fairy Scam
This is something I had never thought about with twins, that safety I. Numbers and needing to do things with them separately.
They are seriously the cutest little munchkins Grace!
Kylez @ A Study in Contradictions recently posted..I Birth on Tuesdays: A Study in Contractions Part Two
Oh they’re gorgeous! It’s great that they have that time and space to be themselves and find their way.
My girls were all born one at a time, but I still see with them, when it’s two instead of three (usually when the eldest is at school) or just one with me at a time, the dynamics completely change and I see a different part of them 🙂
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Gosh they are super double cutie pies…and yeah building them up as an individual is important. What will you do when its time for school, will they go together in one classroom or separate classrooms? They say that Twins can “Feel” each other no matter where they are, wonder if they could sense each other was in the same location even though you took different buses and had no idea where you both were going!!!
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