It’s odd being human, sometimes. We find ourselves wishing for all sorts of things. Even if intangible, we can never seem to sit still and settle with what we already have.
It’s as though the notion of being completely, utterly satisfied with the here and now is ludicrous.
How can all that we hope and desire possibly be atttainable in this lifetime ? Where all that is around – books, movies, conversations – they all tell us that we’re all supposed to keep striving…for something…for anything that’s better…than what is readily available.
Like it is for most new mothers, it was rare that I had a spare moment to think for me. And honestly, that was fine. At first.
I was deeply engrossed in the entire nurturing role that I was finally blessed with.
I’m not exactly sure though, when it started to happen; when I began to feel that possibly life did go beyond motherhood. Somewhere between a dirty nappy and a toddler tantrum, I wanted my career back. Or at least some simplified version of it.
I yearned for adult interaction. I searched for tasks and projects that didn’t just involve the betterment of the family, but to build my own sense of identity and priority.
“When,” I would desperately wonder, “are they going to get big enough, so I can get some of my life back ???”
But then, as I sat in the cafe of that busy shopping mall, biting away at time, counting the minutes until I had to pick up the boys from their first day at day care, I realised how silly I was, wishing all those precious baby moments away.
I sat alone at my table. There were no munchkins crawling all over me, begging for my attention. I no longer had reasons to complain.
What seemed like an eternity of being housebound; exhausted from tandem breastfeeding; stressed from dealing with two screaming toddlers; that was now all gone. None of it to ever return again.
And that’s when I looked back and shamefully remembered how I wasn’t completely satisfied with the here and now.
I wondered why I spent so many days and nights wishing for my independence, while I foolishly didn’t stop to realise, that it wasn’t going to take long for my babies to set off and find their own.
As I checked my watch, relieved that pick up time had finally arrived, there was that bittersweet feeling again. One that I’m becoming familiar with as a mother.
That time is indeed fleeting; not even your children or your love for them can anchor it.
But if we can at least be happy in that instant; find some contentment; there’s the chance that it will stay with us.
Even for just that little bit longer.
jessica says
So well said Grace, how so many of us Mum’s feel…I’ve been there too wishing time away when those moments were the ones I’d treasure most…you send a perfect reminder of how precious time is with the precious lives we are given to care for…thank you! x Jess
mamagrace71 says
Thanks, Jess. I don’t think my post spoke of anything new or revolutionary about motherhood. I know that I just wrote the post because I really needed to remind myself. And I felt so ashamed for the times I had “wished” those days away…
Veronica @ Mixed Gems says
Somewhere along the path of growing up, we all start focusing on outcomes instead of learning to enjoy the process, the journey. For kids at play, it’s about the exploration and fun. It’s hard to retrain ourselves to think different, but I guess that’s why we need reminders to do so. Thanks, Grace.
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Bathed in Sunshine
mamagrace71 says
It’s only since having children that I’m learning about the journey, Veronica. For so long it was all about short term and long term goals and not so much about how I was getting there. I love how I can see the fun in exploring through their eyes these days.
Bridget says
I love this. With the second set of twins I promised myself I wouldn’t wish it away – most of the time I manage to do it;)
Bridget recently posted..To Pee Or Not To Pee
mamagrace71 says
Your twinkies are just gorgeous and full of personality and spunk ! Just like their mom 😉
Karon says
Very true, one thing I have learnt the hard way is that while we may wish for more all the time we dont really appreciate what we have until its gone or been taken away from us. No matter what you wish for, you could really be in a much worst off situation.
Karon recently posted..Henry Hoover
mamagrace71 says
No matter what you wish for, you could really be in a much worst off situation – oh, so, so true !
ava says
Very well written Grace. Being a mother, having children, and in my case also a career, I always remind myself to focus on the present and be grateful and I found out that having a grateful heart is a habit that is easily learned. 😉 The twinlets are growing so much.
ava recently posted..The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo – a sort of review
mamagrace71 says
They’re growing super-fast, Ava !
I agree about learning how to have a grateful heart. Once we open our eyes (and our hearts) to all our beautiful blessings, it gets easier to just say a whisper of thanks 🙂
penny @ Wildlife Fun 4 Kids says
Man, I hear ya! I whole-heartly agree and although I’ve thought the words in your post exactly, I still go back to that mad why of thinking. The have-to-do-something-other-than-enjoying-my-children-all-day. I have to clean the house. I have to write a book. I have to write a blog post. I have to teach Miss Possum more things before she goes to school next year. I have to find time for myself. I have to find time for my hubby. I have to visit my dad. It just keeps coming.
One day I hope I won’t look back and feel the guilt I already feel. I hope SOON I take more days in my life to make more in the moment moments when it’s just my babies and me and nothing else swarming in my brain. Stupid over worked brain!
penny @ Wildlife Fun 4 Kids recently posted..Wildlife Footprint Fun in Five Ways
mamagrace71 says
You’ll get there, Penny. You will. I know you love having lots of projects on the go and that’s what makes you so awesome. I’ve seen you in action with your girls – you’re a brilliant mum x
Nic says
I agree with you. We must enjoy the moments we have now because once past, we cannot go back. There are a lot of things happening in the coming years so enjoy the kids while they are still little.
Nic recently posted..jamorama reviews
mamagrace71 says
Yes, I used to hear that a lot and didn’t quite understand what people meant. I totally get it now !