For a substantial period in my life, family was my open book to unresolved angst.
The plethora of annoyances from each family member led me to temporarily abandoning them all; escaping to a foreign country for almost a decade; keeping a safe geographic distance was the only solution to finding some emotional respite.
Even with being apart, the constant bickering continued. It was the only form of communication my parents knew. Ironically, it’s their secret to surviving decades of marriage.
Out of pure obligation, I would briefly return home.
With dread, I would face the horrible music of domestic tension.
There was an instant shudder when crazy Aunty pranced through the door, claiming her presence. With an ear piercing voice that makes fingernails scratching down a blackboard a far more pleasing alternative.
Someone poke my eye out with a burning stick…STAT!
Then the equally annoying cousin would strut in, full of pride and self-indulgence. His words filled with hot air and a sole purpose to prove others wrong. Foolishly convinced by his overly doting mother that his own existence and opinions were what mattered most in this far less-inferior world.
Seriously? I’m related to this??
The vitriol lashes flinging across the dinner table from the competitive older brother; the bitchy comments bombarded by the jealous sister-in-law; all succeeding in making my head swell with stress.
It was only a matter of time the childhood taunts of being the only family member found under a bridge seemed accurately true…and even more so appealing.
Somehow, life discreetly turns its pages into a new chapter. Whether it’s due to circumstances of raising my own family, the one I grew up with has remarkably turned amiable.
Recently, family get-togethers haven’t only been bearable, but actually festive. Some grievances are slowly diluting into the past. And anything else that pisses me off? I’m trying hard to perceive them in a less bitter and more humorous light.
Miraculously, my Aunty is no longer a wayward witch but is more of a parrot. Β Still screeching but at least now harmless.
Unintentionally, my family have become, dare I say, surprisingly…funny.
Β Maybe my children have become the buffer; suggesting not to take life so seriously. Particularly the flaws of family. Perhaps as I’m becoming soft(er) in my old(er) age, I see my parents do the same.
Finally, there’s the acceptance of these imperfections as merely a reflection of my own.
A wise friend once asked me, “How can we constantly be mad at the mistakes of others when surely, we make plenty of our own?”
And who best to remind us of this but our dysfunctional family ?
Do you get along with your family? Do you enjoy family get-togethers? Or would you rather poke your eye out with a burning stick?
Hangin’ out today with Team IBOT…
kirri says
Love that photo Grace – looks like a bunch of beautiful loved up smiles to me!
I enjoy family get togethers as they don’t happen all that often…and sometimes that’s just the way I like it π
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mamagrace71 says
I hear ya, Kirri. Sometimes, it’s all about the “balance”
We’re a demonstrative family – we love fiercely, we fight fiercely too. Overall though, we’re completely loyal to each other, despite driving each other bonkers. Usual family stuff π
Penny says
Ya, family can get a bit crazy at times (what family can’t). My family get togethers can still go either way but I think I’m on edge a bit more when my kidlets are around (from past events).
I try to see them like you do but at times it can be a bit of a struggle.
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mamagrace71 says
Yup, it can be a total struggle, huh ?
And completely understand about being a little more nervous these days. I hope you eventually find a sense of comfort and ease.
Rachel from Redcliffe Style says
I really enjoyed reading this piece and the photo at the ending is lovely. So many smiling faces. Thanks for sharing. Rachel x
#TeamIBOT was here
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mamagrace71 says
Thanks, Rachel! Nice to have you drop by.
MsMandie says
Ahhh family! I think we mellow a bit with age, maybe? And yes, having your own family I think gives a whole new perspective. I love your family pic – lovely x
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mamagrace71 says
Thank you, Ms Mandie. I knew that my boys would make me a little softer but I am surprised to the degree it’s been. Happy about it too. Just so bizarre to comprehend sometimes.
BossyMummy says
Arrgh, family! It’s one of those things that we can’t really escape from. I think as we have our own kids, we develop a tolerance – and the screechy aunties of our lives become funny and not unbearable π love the photo!
mamagrace71 says
As they say, “You can choose your friends but not your family…” so you might as well make the most of them, or at least see them in a humorous light π
Mum of Adult Kids says
Your wise friend is indeed very wise. π
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mamagrace71 says
She totally is, isn’t she ? π
carmen says
Family… oh dear.
I love mine. I might not deal with spending much time with them but I appreciate each of them for their individuality.
Living over 18 hrs drive from my immediate family means phone calls… and a much better understanding of our boundaries. Plus a feeling of respect for those.
They don’t have to visit… I know they love and think of us. π
P.S. I love my aunts… they are always a laugh! π
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mamagrace71 says
Wow, Carmen…18 hours is a distance !
But I think that can help your relationship with family. You would definitely appreciate them more. Sounds like you have a great love and respect for all of them…nice π
Pink Ronnie says
That is such an awesome family pic, and I really enjoyed reading this post!
The family I see these days is Rick’s family, as all of my extended family is overseas. Have to say, love being a part of his family. Everyone has always been heaps welcoming and loving.
My parents and I have one of those relationships where we love each other fiercely yet can drive one another up the wall a bit. Wouldn’t swap them for all the world though.
Love what your wise friend said!
Ronnie xo
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mamagrace71 says
“…we love each other fiercely yet can drive one another up the wall a bit. Wouldnβt swap them for all the world though.” – I feel totally the same.
I think Asian families in particular can be rather…dare I say…demonstrative ? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about…;)
Tat says
It’s good to see that things have turned around for you. Things are much calmer in my parents’ family now, too. Maybe it was the young children adding to the stress, and now that we are not young anymore our parents can finally relax (well, when they are not called to look after grandchildren, but grandchildren are a whole different story from your own – you get to spoil them!)
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mamagrace71 says
Grandchildren is a completely different ball game. Everyone relaxes and our parents also get to hand them back to us when it gets too much for them π
Ai Sakura says
oh my God you were found under the bridge too??!!! I might have been found in the dustbin ahahahha… must be an Asian thing ;p
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mamagrace71 says
Lol! It’s totally an Asian thing! And they almost convinced me too!!! π
Deb @ Home life simplified says
YOu cracked me up with this one but also hit the nail on the head a bit too. In my case we are so far away from family i only have to deal with them annually or less – but those visits are so long and full on they always end in tears (well who am i kidding – not end, they hit tears by day 3 every time). I do love them, but they also drive me crazy.
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mamagrace71 says
“they hit tears by day 3 every time…” – I know that so well !!!
That was the thing about going home when I was living overseas – the full on visits. Nothing was ever easy or calm. I would go back to Japan thinking, “That just was not a holiday at all!!!” Lol!
Jess says
My family is crazy. I have two sisters that won’t speak to each other, and one that recently unfriended us all on Facebook over a drama.
Whilst I love them all, I definitely have my favorites, and am by far the most easy going of the lot. That could be though because they are so much older so I’ve been able to learn from their mistakes.
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mamagrace71 says
My brothers are forever feuding and I just stay clear from all of it.
I’m the youngest of the bunch (10 years with one and 7 with the other) so I have been known to be the peacemaker. Tough job sometimes…but someone’s gotta do it π
Janet says
Ahhhh family. It’s true, we can choose our friends, but not our family.
Coming from an extremely dysfunctional family of origin myself, I totally get this post. What has helped me is to learn to FORGIVE forgive and forgive again! And to remember that each family member is doing the best they can … even if it’s not up to MY standards!
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mamagrace71 says
Yes, forgiveness is key, isn’t it ?
I used to have very high standards (and expectations) from them. Once I let go of those, things seem to be a lot more easier to deal with π
Maria Tedeschi (Mrs M) says
Well let’s see. I rang my mother to tell her that we’d visit on Sunday.
“What time?” she asks
“About 1 o’clock” I say.
“No that’s too early. I’m going to church and that won’t finish until 11am. By the time I get home and put the chicken in the oven to roast, well you know, it’s going to need a couple of hours”.
I’m thinking, I just want to visit and she’s putting on a feast. But whatever.
“How about 2 o’clock?” I ask
“Mmmm, that might still be too early”
“Okay, what time do you want me to come Mum?”
“Whenever you want”….not helpful
“Ma, just give me a time and I’ll be there”
“You can come at 2 if you want. (few seconds of silence) Or a little bit later”
I hang up.
On Sunday I ring to say that we will be there at 2.30.
“Can’t you be here at 2?”
So tell me please Grace, do we fall into dysfunctional category?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
mamagrace71 says
Oh, Maria! I laughed so hard reading this! So hard in fact I had to read it out to hubby! Lol!
Dysfunctional with a capital “D” !!! Like my family !!! π
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right says
I love my family, and I think I’m very lucky. Sure, we can get on each others’ nerves at times, but they are my greatest allies and we had a pretty dysfunctional childhood so we all get each other. I think your photo depicts a very happy and fun mob! You must have come a long way π
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mamagrace71 says
Yes, it’s taken a bit of time (and the birth of a set of twins) for me to see them all in a different way and to get past all that tough stuff.
Nice to hear that you get along with your family and for you to see how fortunate you are to be in that situation.
Bridget says
My family is ok, although they still annoy me on a regular basis. Luckily we never all get together – so don’t have to own it often. My in-laws, well…I think I might be done trying.
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mamagrace71 says
Distance certainly does help, doesn’t it ? Love your mum. It’s so nice that she’s part of your blogging world x
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
I love that photo of you all and hey dysfunctional fammilies are totally cool. I was only thinking that last night when I was watching Offspring. Now that is one dysfunctional family, but it worls and you find yourself kind of admiring the way all the different personalities find a way to mesh. π xx
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mamagrace71 says
“You find yourself kind of admiring the way all the different personalities find a way to mesh…” – You’re on to something there, Sonia!
I think in the past I was too busy being peeved off about the last time they peeved me off that I didn’t stop to just sit back and observe.
I guess I do that a lot more now because I’m so preoccupied with the twinlets and I have much less time to hold grudges π
NΓ©e says
My family is the cause of weekly, if not daily, stress. The SIL/Mother dynamics. The high maintenance grandparents. It all drives me crazy. I am slowly coming to the same conclusions as you, although it is taking ALOT of work & blinkers on my part! Love the photo xx
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mamagrace71 says
Oh, it’s so much work, isn’t it ???
We have SIL/mother dynamics happening too. I try to keep well away from it all! π
I pulled that photo out to remind myself that as crazy as they are…we do have crazy fun too π xxx
cranky old man says
It almost sounds as if you kidnapped my family. Still they are the only family i’ve got. I do, however, strictly follow the three day rule. Anytime over three days with family and yes i will poke out my eye with a stick!
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mamagrace71 says
Oh, 3 days ? Yes, that’s time for some serious eye poking π
Parental Parody says
Sounds fantastic. At least your family get together’s are interesting! No silence over the dinner table. My family are all high-intensity, high-volume too. We are bound by our sarcasm, so it’s always good fun. The in-laws, on the other hand. OMG, I can’t even begin to describe that hot mess…
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mamagrace71 says
LOL! I’m always hearing about couples who have totally different families. Ie the wife is from one that’s demonstrative and expressive while the other is placid, almost to the point of being emotionless. Funny how life works out that way…
Cathy says
Love both sides of my family and could never move away but there are certain times when you just need your own space and time, which I think is fine as well. There is one newish member of the family that we find hard to tolerate due to his superiority complex (is that a legit term?) but we don’t see him that often, so we are learning to adjust.
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mamagrace71 says
Superiority complex ? Totally legit!!!
I always feel a little sorry for new members. They’ve got to “earn” their place sometimes, don’t they ? And then like you said, there’s always that adjusting that the family need to do π
Kylie @ Octavia and Vicky says
I do love my overly large and complex family – they are a pretty amazing bunch.
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mamagrace71 says
That’s so gorgeous, Kylie! Sounds like they’re a lot of fun to hang around π
Nami says
Seriously, my family is just my mother and me – but we make the Royal Tenenbaums look like the Brady Bunch. Glad you found their funny bone, after all.
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mamagrace71 says
It took me the LONG way around to find the funny bone…but I got there in the end π
Jean says
Great that you all are appreciating each other more. Yes, we enjoy family get togethers, but it is becoming more poignant: a sister died 2 yrs. ago and my father is now dying slowly of cancer.
Laureny says
Family can be so hard to deal with!!! I really love hanging out with my mum and sister, but my brothers and dad can be very testing. Two sets uncle and aunt and cousins never bothered with us and then there is a set that fits in so well with us it’s ridiculous. I suppose in the end you will always have more in commen and mesh better with certain personalities.
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