This post is from my previous blog. I wrote it while Mr Surfer was into the first month of his 3 month paternity leave at the end of last year. After reading The Illiterate Infant’s hilarious post yesterday about his own Daddy Performance Review, it was time that this little baby made an encore appearance….Perfectly timed for Father’s Day tomorrow.
Dear Mr Surfer,
As CEO and co-founder of the Mama Grace Household Corporation, I would like to congratulate you on the completion of your two week probation !
Despite a questionable start, I am delighted to confirm the commencement of your 12 week assignment as “Primary Carer”, all-purpose household helper and full-time nappy changer.
Primary goals, responsibilities and nagging items during assignment:
Please endeavour to keep nappy changing sessions as stress-free and seamless as possible. However, while stashing one twin under the nappy table during nappy changing the other, does show some degree of initiative, it is not completely ideal or appropriate.
Please keep the lounge room and the kitchen from looking like a nuclear bomb disaster and prevent building blocks, strayed jigsaw pieces and random toys clear from creating painful foot jabs for one frustrated, quick-tempered Mama Grace.
During meal times, please ensure that all prepared dishes and foods are properly served and that the twinlets actually eat their meals rather than wear them.
Your tenacity in learning how to cook pumpkin soup with confidence and with little, or no supervision in the kitchen is indeed commendable.
To avoid all conflicts of interest and severe temper tantrums, simply remove yourself away from the computer during the day and surrender all user rights to Mama Grace.
As a no revenue/minimal outgoing expenses (except when a nice pair of summer wedges are on sale) organisation, remuneration for your efforts will be negotiated in the *ahem* confidentiality of the bedroom (also known as “Bow chica bow wow”) and only under the condition that Mama Grace is feeling energetic and has had at least 6 hours uninterrupted sleep (In other words…never).
Mr Surfer, you have proven to be a valuable asset to the Corporation thus far and we look forward to seeing further great achievements over the remaining 12 weeks.
CEO, Co-Founder, Full-time Nagger, Part-time Sex Goddess, All-Round Cool Chick