There are 3 things that Indonesians refer to when it comes to identity. Funnily enough, being an actual Indonesian national is the last of these.
First is their ethnic background. In its 17,000 islands, the archipelago is scattered with over 300 ethnic groups. All completely culturally diverse from each other; mini nations within a nation.
And you thought State of Origin season was intense. .
In fact, despite being married for over 40 years, my dad still can’t understand my mother’s dialect. He has no clue when she rambles with her sisters. His ears are constantly burning.
Then comes religion. Never to be taken lightly, Indonesians will give you a blank look if you tell them you’re “agnostic”. They’re eyes glaze over when you try to explain what is means to be “atheist”.
Soooo….you don’t believe in anything??? ANYTHING???
There is a section on every Indonesian’s national identity card that needs to be filled in with a religion. Most are Muslim; the minorities being Christians, Buddhists and Hindus. Rarely will you see that section blank.
Indonesians believe earnestly. Nothing can shake their faith.
Well, almost nothing.
I have a cousin on my dad’s side whom I adore. Her father and mine both raised us with strong Christian values.
She went to church every Saturday and despite being from a poor family, managed to get a stable Christian education.
So, it was all a bit of surprise when she met and fell in love with a Muslim guy. On marrying him she decided to wear the hijab and abide by the rules of Islam for women to cover themselves.
No big deal. Well, not to me, anyway. She was still my cousin who I had had sneaky beers with and clove cigarettes one night while watching trashy Indonesian TV.
However, it greatly concerned (and disgusted) my mum and her side of the family.
I love my mum but when it comes to religion, I sometimes wonder if there’s too much of a Judge Judy in her.
She approached my cousin with some extremely direct, slightly intimidating questions:
“How can you pray 5 times a day now to a different God?”
“Isn’t it weird that you enter a mosque rather than a church?”
“What would God think about you wearing that head gear now? Don’t you think He’ll be disappointed?”
Understanding that she still had to respect her elders and was prepared for this very kind of backlash, my cousin’s reply to my mother was simple:
“I still believe in my God. I may follow the Koran and live the life of a Muslim but when I bow down in that mosque, I pray to the God that I grew up with. No one else needs to know who that God is. Only me”
You can’t shut my mother up too often. Trust me. I’ve tried.
But what could she say after hearing such an eloquent, respectful, sincere response?
Despite knowing that a part of my mum’s family will never accept her religious decisions, this cousin of mine still attended Kak Rytha’s recent funeral. Because when a family is falling apart from tragedy and loss, you give them support and offer them your spiritual comfort – whatever form that may be.
Right now, I’m just hanging on to my faith. Yes, I’m a Christian. Yes, I go to church (most weeks…ahem). And these days I’m fervently praying to the God I believe in. The only one I know and feel comfortable with.
But, I get tired of hearing people question other’s religious beliefs; how they approach their faith; whether or not it’s justified.
All that stuff is peripheral.
There is no finite in faith. It’s blind for most of us. Unfortunately, it’s also intangible. But most of all, it’s personal.
What’s important to me is that you can still take away the abstract and cling hard onto the hope it offers.
No matter which God, Greater Force or Universe it comes from.
Joining Essentially Jess for IBOT
Great post Grace. Really resonated with me.
I will never forget the day my Dad and I talked, and I said to him that I wasn’t sure I believed in God, but that I believe in something … a force or a power that I needed to work with (not against) … I believe in the power of the “universe” rather than an actual celestial being.
I thought he would be upset with me.
Instead he said “don’t question it Mate, just go with it”. He then went on to say “praying is just a bunch of people in a room meditating creating positive energy together …”
Now he was speaking my language.
I had permission to just ” go with it”
I have felt at peace ever since …
Happy Tuesday!
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
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I get frustrated also by people who question others’ faith. My Grandmother, a staunch Catholic, is an absolute shocker for this. I’d like to say it’s the older generation who are the worst offenders, but I don’t know that it is. Why can’t everyone just mind their own business and let people believe who they want to believe in? It’s not hurting anyone!
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So nice of your cousin to come, what a wonderful person she is. I’m fairly sure my dad can’t stand that I don’t share his belief in a Christian god, I believe in a greater force and good, the power of the universe and that there is something out there very powerful but despite the fact I went to church every week, chapel EVERY school morning as a child, it just didn’t stick. I suppose I tried but as I grew and my mind started questioning everything I realised that I was not a believer. In saying that, I have never judged those who do believe, and would never do that, it’s an individual thing and helps shapes who we are and who we become, but it doesn’t define us and those who judge on religion are as bad as those who judge on race. xxx
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Wow, what a great story, your cousin must be a strong woman and really love her husband. I think your relationship with god is a personal one and I too believe that if people focussed more on their relationship with their god and not everyone elses the world would be a kinder place. We get sop caught up in the religious actions of going to church, wearing a head covering, the number of times with prayer when it should be about your beliefs and the way you live your life. I don’t pray to a god even though I was bought up christian but I do pray to the universe, isn’t meditation just another form of prayer? Great post Grace!
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I think Australia is a pretty religionless country. I have never had really religious friends here, but living in “The Bible Belt” in the US for 11 years, it was all around me. I’m intrigued by religions – all of them – and I wish they taught them all in school. Religion is the cause for so many historical events, how can it not be an important part of education? I saw a quote once, and now I can’t find it again, but it essentially said that all religions are based on the same basic beliefs, it’s the peripheral beliefs that start to differ. I also think it’s the people who condemn others – gays especially – based on religion, who give religion a bad name and put a sour taste in peoples mouths. Then you have people like Cory Bernadi, who admittedly is an extremist, running his mouth and making people think “WTF?” Religion is an eternal debate with so many different sides and faces…we will never have complete understanding, but maybe that is ok. Obviously it makes *ME* talk in circles 🙂
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My parents are Christians and while I was brought up going to church regularly, we now only go occasionally. I actually identify with a higher being or force out there but I dislike the judgements of religious aspect. eg. condemning those who are gay, abortion, single parents etc. If God loves all of us regardless, why are we criticising or judging those who live their life differently to us? There are reasons for all life choices and who are we to judge others. A wonderful post Grace, giving us something to think about.
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Lovely post Chicka. I totally agree with you – I don’t get why people are so Judge Judy about this stuff. Why should anyone else care about which God you pray to (or whether you don’t pray to any God)? It’s so deeply personal.
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I love this post so much Grace! You’ve expressed things I’ve felt for a long time but have never been able to put in to words! Love it! xxx
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Such a touching post Grace. I believe that peop[le should be able to believe in whatever they want to believe it and be whatever religion they want or none at all. You are right, it is a very personal thing. Everyone has different ideas on everything so why not their beliefs and their gods.
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Well said Grace. I’m a Christian too, but don’t like to shove my beliefs on others. I talk about them sometimes on the blog because it’s part of who I am, and it works for me, but I don’t think forcing it on others is helpful to anyone xxx
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I used to be a Christian, went to church every week but now..I’m honestly not sure. All that doesn’t matter though. You have your beliefs, I have mine and you can guarantee that there are no two people in the world who have the exact same beliefs. I try not to judge others for their beliefs, it is only when these are forced on others, or used as reasoning for people to do things that aren’t all that nice that I begin to question how anyone could believe.
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I am so glad you decided to go ahead with this topic. It is a beautifully written and poignant piece. I am also heartened to hear that your family are able to put any differences they have aside and support each other through this difficult time.
This post really spoke to me. Everyone believes in something whether it is a greater force, themselves or God. My Mum was so supportive and took me to a bunch of different churches when i was young so that i could decide for myself who i was and what i believed in. She was raised devout Catholic with no choice in the matter and I think she wanted us to be free to make our own decisions about our faith.
I think your cousin is really brave and glad she was there to support the family in your time of need
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So glad you’re taking your pain to God in this time Grace, because He is the only source of hope. Praying for you xxx
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Ugh Grace, age old problem.
Muslim, Christian, nothing at all… As long as you’re the best person you can be, in the end. X
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Beautiful post Grace. I just try to believe in the good and nature but you are right it really does not matter as long as the principles are the same. Life is precious
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It wonderful that you can all come together as a family despite the religious differences. I was brought up Catholic, and I appreciate that upbringing, it was important to me when I was a kid and the love and guidance of the nuns at school are something I am very grateful for. I was wondering how I would explain religion to my kids the other day and ‘giving Hope’ was one of the key things that came to mind. 🙂 Awesome post Grace xx
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Loved your post and loved your cousins explanation, she rocks. I am an atheist, was the way I was raised plus I am a sceptic. I value and congratulate you on your faith. Rae xxx
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Your insight into your culture is unique Grace and we are all privileged to have you share it with us. Here’s to love and to understanding, and unity at times of grief and pain. Thinking of you and your big, loving family. xxx
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Grace, I’m so glad that you have your faith to comfort you during this hard time. I’m also happy that your cousin supported you.
I was raised with no religion whatsoever in my life, except that on Good Friday my mum wouldn’t let us eat meat. For some reason, she chose this as the only thing to take away from the Catholic faith. It still baffles me that she was so selective!
My ‘religion’ is to treat others as you would like to be treated, and practice compassion and kindness. John and I have chosen to pass this belief on to Bell, but if she chooses to explore other faiths and beliefs, so be it.
Take care gorgeous xx
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“There is no finite in faith. It’s blind for most of us. Unfortunately, it’s also intangible. But most of all, it’s personal.”
This. So much this. Your whole post spoke to me so meaningfully Grace, but these two lines sum it up so concisely yet so accurately. May you find comfort in your faith as you continue to grieve.
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What a great post Grace. Religion is personal and should not be judged by anyone. I saw examples of what you describe when I was in Thailand. Our driver was a muslim and explained the cultural differences and segregation to us. I guess it is hard for those who are brought up with such strict religious beliefs to be open minded. I certainly am 🙂
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As a person who doesn’t actually have a particular faith but is spiritual I am not sure why so many people are so upset about who they pray to?
Isn’t it better to believe in whatever you believe in and be happy for the other person! But I never did get the religion thing while growing up. David’s side of the family is really religious and can’t understand how we don’t go to church.
When a family is grieving its better to pull together and forget about personal back ground stuff, after all family support is way more important then what a person believes in. Good on your cousin for going to the funeral, and good on her for being strong in her faith to stand by her beliefs. After all family {at the end of the day} is what makes us all happy.
Giving you a hug xxx
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