On the occasional Sunday, we like to go to our favourite yumcha restaurant and get stuck into noodles and dumplings.
There was one particular outing though, I won’t forget and it’s unfortunately not due to the delicious food.
With the restaurant located on the third and highest floor of the shopping mall, my livewire boys bolted out of the lift and straight to the glass railing.
An elevated ledge underneath gave my boy the leverage, his shoes gave him the grip to start climbing UP and almost over, with about a 50 metre drop.
It all happened in a terrifying nano second.
I leapt and grabbed my 4 year old. Immediately getting down on one knee to be at eye level with him while shaking in shock, tried to explain that he was never EVER to do that again.
I shudder as I type this.
As for the tragic incident with the 4 year old boy falling into the gorilla enclosure at Cincinnati Zoo, there was only so much of the horrible backlash and comments I could stomach.
We could go in circles about what happened, what should’ve happened and what didn’t but should’ve but let’s strip that all aside for a moment and get to why everyone has jumped on this story (and particularly the poor mother):
Judgment.
Remember being told, “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?
It seems that over the years, the old adage has caused a lot of pent up angst and judgment and social media gives the permission to spew it all out.
But here’s what I figure with leaving comments on a story such as the Cincinnati Zoo incident.
Validation:
First ask the question: “Am I making a valid point or am I just seeking my own validation?”
If someone feels they need to let the interwebz know that they would never dream of being such a negligent parent and do such a horrendous thing, what purpose does it serve? Was it just to give themselves a virtual pat on the back….until their next parenting eff up?
Judgment is simply a hard-arse reflection of ourselves.
Red-lighting:
For the moments we desperately want to rip into someone for being judgmental: Forget it.
Using the same aggressive tone to red light is just feeding into the perpetual vicious cycle of vitriol. If someone tried to call me up, I’d just feel more entitled to my opinion. No matter how many links you send to back up your argument.
Escape:
If you are caught in the midst of trolls and judgment (and I truly hope you never are), get the hell out. Don’t engage. Don’t rebuke. It’s truly not worth your sanity and dignity.
Shut that account down STAT and wait until it washes over.
And it will.
I hope the 4 year old boy’s parents realise it too.
Ever been in the throes of judgment? Is your child a livewire? Got a favourite saying about judging others?
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That validation question is the best!
Seriously Grace, that is the perfect question for all of us when it comes to these things.
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted..Day 2422 – Colouring your regrowth at home
Thanks, Leanne. Sometimes we get so heated in the moment, we tend to forget what purpose we’re actually serving.
I do think the judgment comes back on you. My baby ate everthing and there was this woman who’s baby wouldn’t eat anything and I (thankfully only) thought to myself “You just aren’t trying hard enough” and then guess what? Three months later my baby refused to eat anything- over night just became the world’s fussiest eater. I decided I’d put it out there and got punished – that was a big lesson for me! It changes in a split second. Ask anyone with teens.
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..VIVID Sydney – Lovin’ Life
YES! Judgment always comes back to bite you! So many times I’ve had to eat my own words!
The judgment over that family hit boiling point for me when I saw a tabloid headline about the father’s alleged criminal history. What possible relevance did that have, if it was even true???
I saw that too! It was like they just needed to pick at anything and everything.
That would be an awful memory for you Grace.
I totally agree on the judgement thing and I feel very sorry for the mum of this child. Clearly the safety precautions at the zoo are to blame if a small child can get into any enclosure and so effortlessly too.
A great post as always.
JodY At Six Little Hearts recently posted..Pilot Frixion Pens Review – Erasable Pens and Markers Plus Win! #SLHFeaturedThursdays
I always hang on tight to my boys’ hands now when we go to yumcha. What happened to that mum really could happen to anyone.
It’s so important to keep ourselves in check when it comes to judging others- quite often there’s a whole story behind things that we just don’t know
Sarah @sarahdipity recently posted..A Healthier Me: An Update and Free Printable
Very true, Sarah! There’s always another side (or a dozen) to every story. Who are we to judge?
Yes I was a great mum until I had kids. It’s only after you have them that you realise how hard it is. The judgement is very sad and really not on because things can go very wrong and turn on a dime in a nano second and they can happen to anyone.
Desire Empire recently posted..Original Queenslander for Sale
Yup! Aren’t the best parents the ones who have no kids?! And yes, yes! It could happen to anyone.
I can’t believe how much I am seeing written (in judgement!) about that incident of the boy falling into the gorilla enclosure. Any mother knows that things with kids can happen in nano seconds! Yes, as a mum, I’ve been on the receiving end of judgement and been hurt by it too. I wish I could go back with the knowledge and confidence I have now and not be so hurt by nasty people. A favourite saying about judging others might be this one: “Judging others does not define who they are. It defines who you are.” xo
Min@WriteoftheMiddle recently posted..Zeiss DriveSafe Lenses – a more relaxed drive!
Love that quote, Min! It’s so spot on! x
I also felt sick to the stomach over the comments and judgement on this issue. I’ve also had to scroll past my own newsfeed as I can’t handle some of the comments my own ‘friends’ are making about this. I really like the idea of only commenting if it adds value – I wish we all had this ability in the heat of the moment!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted..Demystifying Albinism – Real Life Albinism Role Models
Yes, I know when things get heated and we feel so strongly about something, we just can’t sit on our hands and say nothing. Of course, it’s just in human nature to speak up. But I think these days, social media makes it too easy to say something hurtful rather than relevant or constructive.
I don’t get the parental judging. If I, with like NO EXPERIENCE with kids, know they can slip away in less than a second, how do others not know that?!
Vanessa recently posted..I Have The NOPES
Unfortunately, there are so many others that aren’t as clued in as you, Vanessa!
Great points Grace and in this case the old adage has never been more true, if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all. And by the by, I can’t help but wonder why instead of questioning the parenting skills more people aren’t questioning the zoo safety precautions, because if a 4 year old can slip into an enclosure, then clearly it isn’t safe enough.
I think we are constantly weighing up opinions, thoughts and judgements …as thats how we make choices and live our lives. What does not help is when the opinions, thoughts and judgements are made towards others and even worse without any thought for the recipient. Do we do this to ‘feel better’ about ourselves or to ‘make the other person feel worse’ Probably a bit of both.
I am having a challenge with myself to be ‘less judgemental’ about certain people and situations in my life but it is hard not to want to be the ‘judge’ when you are caught up in a blame game. I am working on this…and staying quiet but writing stuff out actually helps me rather than harm another.
I do have a few sayings about judgement and I try to keep them as little self-talk statements!
Denyse xx
Denyse Whelan recently posted..Textures And Shapes At Norah Head. 366/155.
I think we can all find it a challenge not to judge others, D. Sometimes, it’s just so much easier to do it. It’s a little harder to stop, pause and see the situation in a more broader perspective. Knee jerk reactions are just human nature but not necessarily the better option.
I think you can never underestimate a kind thought, even if you need to be generous to give it sometimes. There were no winners in this situation, only grave loss. Generosity and kindness are essential.
YES! Why don’t people want to be kind and generous? It always trumps hate! x
Well said, Grace. x
Thanks, lovely x
Well said Grace. I’ve taken to skipping stories in my newsfeed lately as I couldn’t read any more of the finger pointing.
Wise move, Erika! x
Only Judy can judge me.
Beth | AlmostPosh.com recently posted..#AlmostPoshStyleCost : May
And man, can she be harsh! 🙂
I really like this post Grace cos I often find myself wanting to comment on something or blog about something and – thankfully – stop at the last minute realising I’m doing it for the wrong reasons. I think it’s okay to vent and I’m sure I’ve done so a stack of times on the blog, but sometimes there’s something worse at play. Something vindictive or something we want to say for the wrong reasons!
Love this!
Deborah recently posted..How am I doing?
I agree, Deb. I think venting is different from saying something to just be plain hurtful and or to try and better your own position.
I think judging is something we do every day. It’s how we make decisions.
But judging others (unless silently in your head)? That shit is not cool.
Kimba Likes recently posted..Biggest Morning Tea
Definitely not cool.
I feel sorry for the parents, I imagine they’re coping so much flack from all directions. What a horrifying experience it would have been for them. I think they’ve dealt with enough.
Toni {Finding Myself Young} recently posted..Love to Dream 2.5 tog nuzzlin sleep bag + arm warmers review
Oh, how terrible. I know it doesn’t compare, but I remember my daughter running off in Target once, and it took me three minutes to find her. Three minutes that felt like FOREVER and during which I became acutely aware of how many exits to the store there were, how many people could have led her off… gah. Your heart must have been racing for the rest of the day. x
Emily recently posted..(Apparently) controversial things about me
Those three minutes would’ve been the most terrifying!!! And then thinking of the “what if’s…” I shudder every time I go there…
That must have been a terrible moment for you, and if you are anything like me, it would come back to haunt me while trying to sleep too.
I generally keep away for the drama on social media and wait for the memes. Much more entertaining and good for the soul 😉
Alicia recently posted..Scrumptious fish pie
I will forever be clinging onto my son’s hand each time we go to that yumcha restaurant! x
Good points Grace. It was such an awful thing that happened, not just for the family but for the Zoo in losing one of their beautiful animals.
Julie @ Off to the park recently posted..What is making me happy – Coffee
Yes, it’s such a tragedy that a beautiful creature lost its life.
Oh that story freaks me out. I lost Oliver for 10 minutes and thought he was gone forever, that feeling is indescribable. Hope you’re fabulous in new job lovely xx