“So, what do you think if I suggest we no longer see each other?”
Fatal words that can easily tear a loved up girl’s heart in pieces.
It’s been a tough 12 months.
Exactly this time last year, I found my heart tied and tangled in knots of depression and my head was riding on roundabouts of stress and anxiety.
I was barely functioning.
When it came to parting with the one who was there through the thick of it; who never judged but offered tools and solutions; provided the tissues with each issue I tried to untangle with words; I could only claim the breakup to be bittersweet.
“What? You’re breaking up with me???” I joked and laughed.
“Well, it can only be a good thing, right?” she replied.
I’ve made significant improvements, she reassured me. And besides, if I ever found myself in a predicament where I needed her help. Needed to talk to her again, she’d be there.
But how could I be sure that for now I was fine? What if I found myself in another state of panic? Or worse, anxiety?
It was a picture perfect day, gentle waves lapping into shore. The bay was abuzz – sail boats scattered, ferries dropping passengers right on schedule.
Digging my feet deeper in the warm sand, my little boys quietly played, giggling as the cold water splashed their legs.
Feeling the cool breeze never felt so refreshing, I thought. Perhaps it had just been a while since I let my mind notice it. Appreciate it.
Maybe it was the soothing sense of being next to the ocean, the instant therapy that only salt water can bring, but a little tingly feeling hinted that maybe my mind is starting to see with clarity again.
That life is no longer about survival and coping but instead each blessed day is filled with meaning, engagement and true involvement.
And yes, there’s the chance that I might go back running, needing advice, begging for answers.
But for now, I’ll sit with the contentment.
The day couldn’t be more perfect. My heart couldn’t be in a better place.
Joining Essentially Jess for IBOT
Good for you (and nice story!)
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..First of the Month Fiction – November
Beautifully written Grace and very reassuring to hear x
kirri recently posted..Why has this become such a dirty word?
I’m so glad you’re finding strength, Grace. Finding help is such a healthy thing to do. Beautifully written. x
Deb @ Bright and Precious recently posted..The Epiphany of Home
Lot of smarts in that pogstni!
Beautifully written. Keep growing stronger from here.
Sarah@SnippetsandSpirits recently posted..My Life Lessons from the Ocean
Hope you’ll always have that inner ocean in your heart to keep you at peace xox
Ai Sakura recently posted..Must-Read | Emily Lim Award-winning Children Picture Books + {Giveaway}
I haven’t seen her for a long time either, but she’s sending me new shoes in the next couple of weeks, and I’ve made a commitment to spend more time with her. I’m looking forward to it. It’s amazing the ability she has to understand and console. xo
Aroha recently posted..Decisions, Decisions
Contentment is a good thing Grace. xx
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen recently posted..The Zen Files // Robyn from Mrs. D Plus 3
So glad contentment has found you through the struggles.
Kathy recently posted..A balanced family
My heart is overjoyed to read that Mama G – that is just precious and enjoy your happiness and holiday – bon voyage xx
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted..It’s not until you buy the package (husband) that you realise you’ve fallen victim to false advertising
You have so much strength Grace, I am sure you will be able to navigate this part of the journey yourself. She has faith in you, now time to believe it yourself. You go girl!
Lisa recently posted..Interviews: Bellabirth (Doula)
Beautiful post Grace. Enjoy the contentment and your amazing holiday x
Neets recently posted..Don’t Overdo It – The Importance of Muscle Recovery
I recently had a similar sort of break-up and it scares me often…and then I remember all the work I’ve done and tools I’ve gathered and remember just to breathe.
You’re going to have the most amazing time on this journey. Just you wait. Best ever.
xxx
Mrs Holsby recently posted..Rainbow Fruity Icy Pops… a feat of engineering.
I was facing something similar this time last year. It’s hard and heartbreaking but I’m glad that we made another go of it. Maybe me leaving was the wake up he needed, because he is so much more hands on now, sure he still drives me up the wall occasionally but I love him.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters
We’re never the same after depression are we? We heal, and get back on our feet, but we’ve been altered in our core and are totally different. We see the world different.
Such a wonderful place to be
EssentiallyJess recently posted..What Does Your Giraffe Say About You? #IBOT
Just beautiful, Grace x
Becky from BeckyandJames.com recently posted..Do you help in your child’s class?
Beautiful, I completely understand where you are coming from in this post. Thank you for sharing xx
Beck recently posted..I’m Back
Beautifully written Grace. I’m happy you have found happiness and strength.
Wishing you a very, very happy holiday! Enjoy and have the best time!
Rita @ The Crafty Expat recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – An abundance of pumpkins (Halloween in Canada)
I sure would like a break up like that and to find the contentment you have. You have shown me in such a beautiful way, it can be done 🙂
Becc recently posted..The wonderful city of Tokyo
Good for you, Grace. Stay strong. Best wishes xx
Leanne Winter recently posted..A Good Word for Halloween
Good on you hun, for putting in the hard yards and getting to the place you are at know. At least you know that, if you ever need to again, asking for help is not as daunting as it first seems x
Née recently posted..Newborns: Third time’s a charm?
Sounds like you are in the right place at the right time at the right moment, Perfect. And yes if you ever need to support is always there – be brave enough to seek it because you are so worth it. Sending you lots of love xxx
Lisa Wood recently posted..Camp 6 Book