This week, I thought I’d join in with Debra from Home Life Simplified and her Simplify Your Life 52 Week Challenge. I’m jumping in here at Week 9. No plans or commitment to continue with the rest. Let’s just see where this takes me.
Nevertheless, this week’s challenge is timely. It’s about “Going Easier On Yourself”.
I can particularly be my own harshest critic. And unless my husband reminded me to stop being so hard on myself, I honestly thought that I was only simply being self-critical, as a means to look for ways to self-improve.
Sometimes, when a situation doesn’t necessarily turn out as planned, I head straight to “fatalistic” mode. I am adamant there is no solution.
Mr Surfer thinks I’m being negative. (And yes, he’s right). But I would always (and still do) argue that I’m just being realistic. I tell him that I am in fact, preparing myself for what the worse can be.
I’m slowly learning that this isn’t the case. I’m finally catching on to the fact that I’m only having an endless, tiresome race with myself. And that’s not much fun.
I remember when I was in the corporate world, being hard on myself felt I was just trying to be tougher, more astute. To become more business savvy. To be as good as “the other guys”.
I would tell myself that this is what would drive me to be a better business professional.
How easily I would forget that being that way, wasn’t an inch of who I really was. Because I was never happy.
Even today, I sometimes find it easier to fall back to my old habits of self-rebuke.
I lament over my parenting skills; I panic about whether I’ll ever be able to rebuild my career; I berate myself when stepping on those blasted bathroom scales.
This time around though, I can catch myself. I’m learning to stop the detrimental thoughts that hold me back from being a happier, more content version of myself.
Grace….I think you may already be well aware as to where I stand on this issue 🙂
All I know is that when I am listening to my inner mean girl and continually berating myself for not doing or being x, y and z; I am less motivated, less compassionate and less satisfied with myself and others.
Be the beauty that we can see, right here and now <3
kirri recently posted..A short guide to achieving life balance
Yup…I hear ya, Kirri. I always do x
It is nice to be at that point where you can stop the negative thoughts and accentuate the positive, isn’t it? I think this challenge has really helped me to get to that point. I’m not always perfect at it, and still have the odd whinge, but I was in such a negative place, and it’s nice to be through the other side of that. I very much came from an “expect the worst and you’ll never be disappointed” viewpoint, so totally get where you’re coming from, arguing about being “realistic” not pessimistic. It can be scary, but it feels much nicer to be optimistic though, especially when you’re NOT let down or disappointed!
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Practically Perfect In Every Way. Week 9. {52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life}
I think the difference is that I am now consciously aware when I do it. And I am determined to end it, like ending a bad habit.
Welcome Grace! – This line is so key to me: “How easily I would forget that being that way, wasn’t an inch of who I really was. Because I was never happy.” Even jumping in at week nine you have connected this week’s challenge to one of the most critical weeks – Values. Knowing who you are and honouring that as you go ahead is critical to being happy. When we run someone else’s race etc we may have traditionally defined success, but it is unlikely to be the success you are seeking deep down inside.
Deb @ Home life simplified recently posted..101 ideas for family fun and adventure
Thanks, Deb. Just focusing on the exercise and writing all this out has been insightful. It’s a great way to self-reflect but to also make some positive changes.
I can relate to this so much, Grace. I can be very hard on myself – and people see it as negative where I see it as realistic. Nevertheless, self-rebuke doesn’t make us happy, does it? I’m learning to have compassion for myself. I always think of it in terms of, if I’m going to have compassion for others, then I need to start with myself. x
Deb @ Bright & Precious recently posted..All the Angels
It’s so true, Deb. I know when I’m harsh on myself, I’m harsh on those around me. It’s no fun for anybody, least of all those that I love.
hello,
remember who gave me my title….
remember who told me what I needed to hear, to move onwards and upwards….
remember who, I do.
YOU.
Denyse Whelan.Education Specialist recently posted..What Is This Blog?
I hear ya, D x
Being self-critical as a way to self-improve? I’m with you on that one sister. I just didn’t realize it doesn’t work until you (and Mr. Surfer) said so.
Thanks:)
Bridget recently posted..Monday Listicles
Don’t thank me ! Thank my Mr Smarty Pants husband who always keeps me on the straight and narrow 🙂
Hi Grace-ie! When things go wrong for me, I do freak out and worry, but at the end, I always go back to this question, “will worrying help me solve this problem?” It works for me because I am a firm believer of this “Perception is the result of sight + mindset, change your mind and then things will look different.” Basically, I let worry, worry itself. 😉 Happy Hump Day!
ava recently posted..Things I’m Rubbish At
Yeah, I hear ya on that one, Ava. Sometimes though, I think there are just some aspects that go beyond worrying. It’s that need to keep doing better and sometimes that’s a race you don’t realise you’re running until you just get completely run down. But I get your point too 🙂 x
Is it an oxymoron to say that it is often so hard to be easy on ourselves? I live eith so many “shoulds”. At this stage of my life it’s about parenting but work issues have also started creeping in. You’ve touched on something when you say it doesn’t make you happy. When I’m like that, I am more anxious and stressed. That’s not a way to live. When I live by “shoulds”, I’m living for others and my perception of their opinions and judgements. It’s not living in freedom. It’s also a huge time-waster. When I am so conscious of how short time is, of late, I mustn’t waste my time being so hard on myself in all these areas. Sometimes it is what it is and I just need to keep things moving, remembering that each new day brings the chance to try again, do over and/or keep building up. I think I may have just got the essence of my SYL post for this theme too. Sadly I am 6 weeks behind though. Another thing to let myself off the hook for!
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Being Pregnant
I know what you mean about living by “shoulds”. From putting the pressure on myself to going to university, then getting a job, then trying to work up the corporate ladder for a long time, that was the only way I knew how to live – by “I should”.
It’s only been the past 3 years I started that there is a more liberating, less stressful way to live. Still trying to incorporate it all with parenting and finding the right professional choice for me, but *sigh* the aim is to eventually get there.
It seems like we’re both in similar stages in our lives 😉
Optimism and pessimism are both just state of mind. It is simply how we want to react to a situation, how we want to feel about it.
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