Another hectic morning of scoffing toast, scurrying children to pre-school.
Then finally the chance to take a deep breath as my own working day began.
Driving down the M5 highway, soaking in the late winter sunshine rays and trying to ignore the traffic, it slipped my mind that the twinions’ playlist was still on.
Past the Frozen soundtrack, skipping through the Wiggles, I subconsciously found myself singing along with the familiar, breezy voice of Justine Clarke.
“Think about something that makes you smile,
Think about it for a little while,
What you feel and what you see and give your smile to me…”
There was the sudden flood of memories that had been long pushed aside.
The days of being surrounded by the double of cots, pacifiers and high chairs.
Dictated by the monotonous routine of Playschool at 9:30 then late morning nap. The eternity it would take to change two sets of nappies.
Remembering how this song was on repeat in the lounge room, wondering when the days would stop dragging.
I kept singing along because while it yes, made me smile. There was also a stubborn lump in my throat and tears caught in my eyes.
A small tinge of regret to why I wasted so much time wishing my days to be less housebound.
Wednesday morning was Orientation Day at “Big School”.
Just down the road from home and around the daycare, it’s a place of some familiarity to the boys.
Mainly because every year there’s a country fair with jumping castles, Shetland pony rides and petting zoos.
So, while Nunu happily took the 6th grader’s hand and excitedly walked with him into the classroom, K-Bear ran straight for the playground.
“Where are the jumping castles, Mama? I want to ride the pony!”
After some gentle coaxing, he slowly walked up the path. He looked back, a little unsure.
Fighting back the tears and the urge to run to him for one more cuddle, I managed a crooked smile, motioning him to go inside.
Then, he was gone.
All that time I aimlessly spent wondering where my days disappeared, what the end game was to mundaneness of motherhood?
It was this.
Despite the doubt and innate fear of letting them go, there is the beautiful assurance you did something right; that they are very much ready.
What are your tips for a Mama going through the big school transition? Do you remember your own first day at “Big School”? Was Justine on repeat in your home?
1. Follow With Some Grace.
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