Recovering from post holiday blues and slight jet-lag, my husband randomly started talking about fate; how one slight change in circumstance cause us to spin towards a completely direction in life.
“What do you think would’ve happened if you never left Indonesia? Do you think you still would’ve found your way here to Australia?”
I couldn’t imagine what triggered him to ask the question, except perhaps we had just disembarked a plane from Bali and spent almost 2 weeks there.
Unable to answer such loaded questions, he decided to narrow it down.
“Have you ever thought about it?”
Sure, I had.
Ever since I was old enough to understand that my family had made a conscious decision to move to an entirely different country, I encountered an array of emotions.
The regret of not being able to be as close (geographically and emotionally) to my extended family, especially my cousins.
The sadness of losing a part of my culture to adopt a new one.
The confusion of identity – Indonesians have a friendly dig to how “Western” I am yet, Australians often marvel how “Aussie” my English is.
So, yeah. Through the years of growing up in Australia and frequently visiting Indonesia, I often thought how my life would have evolved if my parents didn’t take up that offer of sponsorship from an Australian diplomat friend.
For a long time I begrudged them for making the decision to migrate to a land that was so isolating and foreign.
With my dad working for the American Embassy in Jakarta, we had the opportunity to move to the US – where we at least had Indonesian friends and distant relatives.
Why didn’t we move there?
Why did we move at all?
But a lot of the wondering (and whinging to my parents) ceased when I started making decisions for myself.
I studied. I dreamed of travel. I studied another language so I could travel. (Anything to get the hell outta boooooring Canberra and away from my parents).
Hence, almost a decade in Japan.
But unlike that Gwenyth Paltrow movie where she went through one door and stayed stuck with a douche bag (and a blah haircut) while the other offered her a life of love and fulfilment (and a funkier do), I don’t think sliding doors hold such extreme outcomes.
If my family had never moved, no doubt my upbringing, education and career path would’ve been different. And who knows if the path led to finding and meeting Mr Surfer.
Nonetheless, I’m sure I still would’ve lived my life in Indonesia as best as my decisions and instincts would allow.
We all have our “Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda” moments.
They are countless. You probably even had a handful this week.
But it takes our own confidence and courage to figure out that we will eventually know what’s best. Whatever we forgo when stepping through one door, we can always make up for it entering another.
What’s been your sliding door moment? Which of Gwennie’s hairstyles did you prefer?
Loading InLinkz ...
Ah, this is very deep for 6.00am
I agree with you. “Whatever we forgo when stepping through one door, we can always make up for it entering another.”
As for the movie, I just watched it again recently after about 15 years. The funkier haircut for sure.
As for your holiday photos up there … all three are beautiful, but that flower … GORGEOUS!
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted..Day 2296 – Good affordable bras
I have often wondered the same myself. My parents came to Australia during the war. They had the choice of Australia or Argentina. My life could have been completely different!
Ingrid @ fabulous and fun life recently posted..JOIK Natural Cosmetics Reviews and Valentine’s Day GIVEAWAY
Not sure if I’ve had a sliding door moment – well, I’ve had a bazillion but none that stick out – but I am fascinated in why people choose to leave one country and live in another. I’m also fascinated in why they choose where to live when they get here – my fav story being at the airport, after customs, she got in a taxi and he asked her where she wanted to go. She realised she had not actually thought beyond ‘Australia. So after a bit of carry on, the taxi driver said “I’ll take you to Coogee – all the backpackers like it there” and she’s lived there ever since (30 something years)
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..#Haunted 2016
I’ve often wondered what life would have been like if I’d made different choices. In some ways it could be better but in others-no way! Very deep for an early morning read- thanks for getting the gears turning!
Amy @ handbagmafia recently posted..Amber Teething Necklaces: Miracle or Myth?
I often wonder what would have happened if I had journeyed down different paths. That said, I am pretty happy with all the doors I’ve walked through especially the one where I read “Down Under”by Bill Bryson. If I hadn’t read that book I am sure I would have never fallen in love with, and then moved to Australia. I hold Bill entirely responsible for upping sticks and moving across the world and getting a new citizenship! I hope the holiday was as amazing as it looked!
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid recently posted..She’s So Inspiring – Bron Maxabella
I’ve had sliding door moments of course, none as dramatic as changing countries (permanently). I think our decision to give up on IVF and our decision to pursue adoption is a biggie. Suddenly we walked through a door (not sliding, ha,ha) and were parents to our beautiful, but crying daughter.
Kathy recently posted..Grief and sadness – how yoga can help
Welcome home Grace! The images are drool-worthy.
I think without your big move, you would still have walked a similar path on the big personal decisions. I really believe some of our path is predetermined when we arrive here on this planet, the rest is free-will. You’d definitelty still have made at least some of those big decisions for sure. Missed your lovely posts while you were away but the fill-ins have been great too! Xx
JodY At Six Little Hearts recently posted..Babymel Grace Review – WIN A Stunning Nappy Bag Plus an Exclusive Discount Offer! #SLHFeaturedThursdays
I don’t like contemplating that question, brings up so many what ifs. Sometimes regretful what ifs. All I can do is make the best of the life I have right now and try to make decisions to make that life better.
Those photos make me wish I was on holiday though and not here right now where I have to be!
Alicia recently posted..BeB the sign painter
I have walked through so many doors, living in different countries and states as my father was in hotel management. Some awesome memories and tough adjustments came were all part of my life package so far. xx N
Nikki@WonderfullyWomen recently posted..How To Help Your Teen Study Successfully!
I don’t dwell on what could have been – I try to concentrate on what’s ahead of me. My philosophy is everything is meant to be and every decision made was the best one possible at the time, regardless of the outcome. BTW Gwynnie’s short hair do was rad – I’m actually seriously considering getting the chop myself soon so will be revisiting her look for inspiration!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted..The stress of autism parenting
What am amazing well-travelled life you’ve led! I also have spent years in many different countries thanks to my addicted-to-the-expat-life parents. Born in Singapore, raised in Australia and Brunei, first job was in Japan, studied in Austria. It’s so awesome and I hope my kids follow in my footsteps. The if-only moment for me was in Japan, where I had spent two years steadfastly not learning to speak Japanese as I was having too much fun, only to realise that when my dream job came up, there was no way I could get it, as you had to have moderate fluency in that language. To this day I wonder where I might be now if only I’d got around to learning the language!
I want to watch Sliding Doors again. I think this is the 3rd time recently someone has talked about that movie!
Sometimes I wonder as well what if I never went to Australia and met hubby, what if I stayed on with XX, what if I never had Lil Pumpkin etc. it’s interesting to think about sometimes but I guess the important thing is that while we look back, we must never look back with regret…
Ai sakuRa recently posted..Yummy Mummy Winner! | Her World Plus Social Media Awards 2015
I suppose my true sliding doors moment was back when I was almost 21, A chance get together with some friends I grew up with – but hadn’t seen for years. They commented they were about to embark on a driving trip around Australia and they asked if I would like to come.
I quit my job and 4 weeks late at the tender age of 21 I was off.
What if I had stayed at home feeling suffocated in my life, working in a job I hated. Where would I now be? Would I have then continued on to have the confidence to travel the world? Would have I met my partner? Would we have our beautiful son?
Sally@Toddlers on Tour recently posted..Arm Chair Travel #1
I can relate Grace – I left Ireland 12 years ago and I have had many moments of wondering what life would have been like if I hadn’t made that choice. I still miss my family and I definitely struggle with the whole Irish/Australian sense of identity. I’ve made peace with my decision now. It took me a while though!
Denise recently posted..How to be financially independent when you’re a stay at home mom
My moment was when I left to go overseas for 2 years. I left my boyfriend at the time (who was very upset and begged me not to go and I nearly stayed). I ended up marrying this boyfriend but if I didn’t go over seas first, we would definitely not be together as we were young and I needed to run wild for a bit.
Natalie @ Our parallel connection recently posted..I must have magical powers
Wow! We both wrote posts with the same title this week! I think it’s amazing to consider where our lives could have gone if little decisions were made differently. There could be so many versions of us!
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad recently posted..Sliding Doors
Welcome Home love…I hope the return to Aus hasnt been too painful. Your shots of the time away are amazing. I cant think of a sliding door moment other than a very practical one which has served to see me with less income at a time of our lives when we need it most.
Waaaay back in 1972 it was deemed that as a teacher married to another teacher then I could withdraw from superannuation payments as it was “deemed” that the man would have income to meet needs of both. HA..ok, in the short term as a newly married couple it did save us a few dollars.
However, as life went on to prove..the decision was so wrong. Hub had to be medically retired on a pension at 30. I had to work full time as a teacher and I was not allowed to re-join the best ever super fund. Long story short, I was able to get into a less than wonderful scheme but it was not as good as the original one and right now, as a retiree I have no super income. It is a story I tell as a warning to others.
Denyse
Denyse Whelan recently posted..My Old Home Town. 366/29.
I understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes I wonder what life would’ve been like if we’d decided to settle in the States with my family, rather than in Australia with my husband’s family, even down to what accents our kids would have. Still, I’m happy with the path we went down!
Jen Rose recently posted..What I’m Loving Lately–January 2016
Gwennie’s short hair was such a THING when that movie came out. I knew so many people who copied that haircut! But, I agree with your spin on the slide. There’s no point wondering what might have been down the other path – you would have made yourself a life either way, and probably a great one either way, too. And now that you have the ability, you can dip in and out of the possibilities via travel and work and re connection. Lovely post 🙂
My sliding door moment was when I went a trip to 10 countries in Asia a couple years back. I quit my job the day after I got back and never looked back since. Loving my decision every day!
Chris Bernstein recently posted..Skin Whitening Forever Review
Those photos are gorgeous Grace. It looked like a wonderful holiday (from what I witnessed through IG) I don’t think if I’ve experienced a defining sliding door moment, just plenty of moments thinking “Why didn’t I do this, or why did I do that”. I think my best decision to date (along with Hubby’s input) was putting my career on hiatus while I stayed at home with the girls. xx
Julie @ Off to the park recently posted..CREATE Memories