As you read this, I’ll be sweating it out in good ol’ sauna that be Jakarta city.
It’s chaotic, crazy, polluted, over-populated but it’s my birth place and I love every inch of its convoluted madness.
FYBF has traditionally been about light-hearted fun. You know, a little respite from the week before we head into the weekend. (Not that us parents get a break then either…Just sayin’)
I thought I’d try something a little different here while I’m on holidays.
Over the next 4 weeks, I’ll be featuring a series of posts titled, “Fears, Tears and Belly Laughs”.
Each week, a blogger (of the awesomesauce kind, of course) will be writing on each of the themes, with “Belly Laughs” in 2 instalments.
This week, I present Tegan from Musings of the Misguided.
Sit back. Sink into this post.
Make sure you leave behind lots of comment love because it takes a lot of courage to write so beautifully and honestly about Fear.
Thanks for sharing a piece of your heart with us, Tegan.
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Fear can consume you. It can chew you up and spit you out. Fear can also motivate you. It can push you to do things that you thought were beyond your realm of control. It can mean the difference between forging ahead or staying stagnant, allowing the hackles of life control you.
Fear can be healthy, it can push you to the edge, then over and into the unknown. It can make you step outside your comfort zone, exposing you to things that you never thought were possible. Fear can control your every action, leaving you paralysed, unable to make a choice. It can strip away your strength, leaving you a shell of nothingness.
Fear is what you make it. Everyday I live in fear. I let it motivate me and I feel it restrict my breathing, a strong foreboding at the pit of my stomach. Fear helps me get out of bed in the morning. It means that I try to make a difference in my son’s life for the better. Fear helps me learn from my mistakes.
Fear burns at the pit of my stomach. It leave me breathless, unable to make a move. I feel overwhelmed and nothing seems to fit right. Fear stops my hand from reaching out for help, it keeps my tongue tied when I need the words to flow. Fear keeps me stuck in a rut, no way forward, no way back.
Fear consumes me, both for the good and the bad. It means that I forge ahead, wanting my son to have the best that he deserves, while staying still, unable to decide which fork in the road to take. I fear reaching out, unsure of the reaction. I blurt out my problems, fear stopping me from doing it any other way. I write them down, make them real but the words don’t seem to form in my mouth.
Fear makes me angry, lashing out at the unfairness of it all. I curl into myself, lashing out at anyone who dares to come close. I’ll hurt you before you hurt me. Fear is bred deep in my psyche, unsure where the emotions end and I begin. Fear fuels my depression, causing me to become immobile, motivation quickly waning.
Fear means I look at my son and feel dread. I love him more than anything in the whole world. I worry about what the future holds for me, that I’m not doing enough to prepare him for it all. I worry that my beautiful, sensitive, funny boy won’t survive in a world that looks for the tough and the strong. Fears makes me think that I will never be enough for him.
I don’t want to be ruled by fear, but I don’t know where to begin. This is me, the only me I have ever known, but something has got to give. I need a change, fear needs to stop being in the drivers seat. Fear doesn’t own me, I need to own it. I need to find a way to live with it in harmony, to let it grow with me instead of against me.
Tegan is the self confessed Queen of Awesome and worshiper of vodka. She regularly has her ranty pants on because frankly they are more comfortable than denim undies. It’s a public service really. She can be seen talking things mental illness, parenting and lamenting the stupidity of the world at Musings of the Misguided.
You can find Tegan on Facebook and Twitter
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Wow. You are so eloquent. I have a morbid fear of flying, but I love to travel. Any turbulence will bring tears to my eyes, I’m on the scout for terrorists (even prior to Sept 11 – tho that really didn’t help). But I squash it down and get on the plane each and every time.
I want to be able to do that when other types of fear arise, as they so frequently do. If it can be done for one, it should be able to be done for all. Yet often it’s harder than it should be…
Really good post.
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..First of the Month Fiction – November
I’m with you Lydia – love to travel and see new places but deathly afraid of flying. Even 2 valium couldn’t stop my panic attack the last time I flew.
Teagan I feel similar about my son. Only my fear is that something will happen to him and he is my whole world, he’s all I’ve got. And this is such a cruel world. I have to make a conscious effort not to think about it or I’d never let him leave the house. I don’t want to be ruled by fear but I don’t know how to change either.
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Things I Know : Ocsober Edition
Aroha that is one of my fears too. It can tend to send the mama bear reactions into overdrive as well, which is something that I need to work on.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
It’s so frustrating when you KNOW that it’s irrational etc but just can’t get your brain to let go.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Thanks for sharing Tegan. I think as you point out a certain amount of fear can motivate us and get us going, but when the fear becomes enormous it can be so overwhelming and debilitating that we risk being paralysed. As usual, a great topic to get people talking and thinking – and beautifully written.
Leanne Winter recently posted..A Good Word for Halloween
Yep it’s certainly about trying to walk that fine line between motivation and paralysis.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Really well written. A great post that sums me up nicely! xx
Deb – An Inspirational Journey recently posted..End of an era.
Thanks for your comment xx
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Tegan, I love how you write straight from the heart. You’re honest, raw, real and brave. Go girl!
Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me recently posted..Halloween hideout
Thanks Renee. Writing is one of my coping mechanisms so sometimes it can be a bit raw.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Well said Miss Tegan, “Fear doesn’t own me, I need to own it”. I totally agree!!!
Sam Stone @ A Life on Venus recently posted..Some people are funny. Some people are not.
Thanks. I’m slowly working on getting back the ownership of the fear.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
I remember this lecturer we had at uni used to have this mantra she repeated at every possibility – ‘feel the fear, and do it anyway’. At the time I thought it was a bit over-the-top and that she was a bot eccentric, but I’ve since realized that it’s apretty good goal to aspire to (if somewhat lofty). I’m often held back by crippling anxiety but every now and then, those words help me rise above the anxiety and forge on with something that terrifies me.
Emma @ Five Degrees of Chaos recently posted..Reflections and (no) regrets
That’s awesome that you are able to fall back on a mantra to help you push through the anxiety. It can be crippling and I know for myself, the guilt can at times be worse because I feel so silly for being scared.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Its true sometimes fear stops us from being the best that we can be, but it also can get our adrenaline pumping we just need to learn how to harness that by believing in ourselves more. Your boy will find his own way you just have to teach him how to work through his own fear and believe in himself.
Great post!
Sarah@SnippetsandSpirits recently posted..As the Sun Sets
I’m hoping that as I work on my own fears that I am setting a good example for him. He has some anxiety as well, and I would hate for him to grow up feeling this way.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love the way Tegan writes.
It is like you are in my head and pouring out my thoughts on to paper. I feel what you are feeling and have the same fears. You are not alone in this.
Becc recently posted..The wonderful city of Tokyo
While it’s comforting to know that I am not alone, I wish that neither of us had to deal with this. It’s a crappy existence sometimes.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
So very well written. Own that fear. x
Emily recently posted..Conversations with secrets
Thanks Emily
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
What an eloquent post. I think as a parent we are fearful all the time for our children, I know I certainly am, I hope that it doesn’t stop me from living my life the way I want to but to be perfectly honest, I think unfortunately sometimes it does. Having said that, when the option came up to move to Australia – fear was the first thing I felt and I am so glad that I didn’t let it rule me at that time as this has been the best experience so far and I am so glad I overcame my fear to just get on with it.
That was a really interesting and thought provoking post – I enjoyed reading it. X
rhian @melbs recently posted..Facebook fatigue.
I’m in awe of anyone who can pack everything up and move countries. So glad that it all worked out for you!
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
My fears include phones (phone phobia anybody?!), snakes, creepy crawlies, tornadoes … and anything happening to my family. xxx
Janet @ Redland City Living recently posted..Dishing up the Dirt
I hate making phone calls. I am ok with receiving them, just not the making. What if someone answers!?
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Wow, very emotional and well written. Thanks Tegan and Grace. I think we all need to be reminded that even though we all put on a brave face, we all still harbor similar fears, and that’s okay. As you say, it can be motivating. Happy Friday! xx
natalia familia recently posted..A dutch dinner party.
A very powerful post Tegan – your writing is so raw and engaging. I reckon you are very brave and wise to see the positives and negatives of fear – you look at it for what it really is. I don’t think we ever conquer or overcome fear, we just move through it bravely.
Kathy recently posted..Feeling defeated
Nope we are never without fear, which is something that I am working on with my psychologist. I am learning to tolerate a lot of feelings that I find intolerable, which then cause more emotional turmoil for me.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
I ditto the other comments! Beautifully written and honest. Thanks for letting us in, glad you have writing as an outlet!
Kate recently posted..Friday 5: Doer vs Talker
Thanks for your comment Kate.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Working through a fear barriers always brings the best results and most wonderful experiences. Such a gorgeous honest post!
Eleise @ A Very Blended Family recently posted..The life we have, is the one that we created!
It’s definitely a pretty awesome feeling when you come out the other side!
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
As mentioned above, my greatest fear like so many others is my kids and anything happening to them. My own mother tells me I am a ‘freaker’ as she puts it and never relaxed around them, even at the park I have to be able to see them both at all times and am very anxious around roads and dogs they don’t know etc etc and they are only young yet!
Author Bek Mugridge (@bekmugridge) recently posted..What’s in a natural new age mum’s fridge – blog hop!
It’s so hard as they get older and having to let them have a little bit more leeway. I think too that having in our face so much about the horrid things that happen to children certainly doesn’t help.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Tegan, you write so beautifully and the way you describe fear is so incredibly honest and moving. It really struck a chord with me when you wrote how fear helps you to try to make a difference in your son’s life for the better and that it helps you learn from your mistakes. You’re right; fear can be healthy: it can help us protect our children and help prevent us from repeating past mistakes. Thanks so much for this post.
Lizzy Allan recently posted..It’s Not Okay
Yep, when we can focus on the positives that a healthy amount of fear allows us, it definitely makes all of the difference.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
It’s great to read something that’s both enjoyable and provides prmadgtisac solutions.
Fear is such a complex thing really isn’t it? Stopping us from so much and yet catapulting us into other things.
Beautifully written as always Tegan
EssentiallyJess recently posted..Dressless
Yep it really is complex and sometimes it’s about walking that fine line between holding us back and helping us to move forward.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Fear is certainly one of the biggest influencers in a lot of people’s lives, and it can masquerade as common sense or sticking with what works or so many other “reasons” not to do things or try things. I try very hard to fight this in my life but I know that I don’t always succeed.
Emily recently posted..Hire Me
It’s so hard finding that place within us that helps us to move through the fear that holds us back.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Tegan, I read this on Friday and have been re-reading it since! You’ve captured “fear” in words, and it’s a confronting thing to accept how much it can rule your life.
I was having a conversation with someone last week, who is an awesome public speaker, and he told me that every single time he has to speak, he is physically sick. But, he has to do it at least weekly, so has to deal with it.
My greatest fear is that something will happen to my family, but rationally I know that there are some things we have no control over. Then I have to tell myself that’s the perfect reason to live every day to the max! x
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen recently posted..Random Zen Ten. November
It’s pretty inspiring when you find out that someone who you see as awesome does in fact feel the fear just as much as you do!
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2
Love how you shared your fears from the heart, and was brave enough to put them into words.
I fear a lot of things, but mostly fear that I am not doing enough for our sons to be happy!!
And I think that I fear success – its almost within my reach and yet I do nothing to take it to the next level 🙂
Lisa Wood recently posted..Camp 6 Book
I can certainly understand the fear of success. It’s ‘easier’ sometimes to stay the same because it’s familiar.
Tegan recently posted..Chance Encounters Part 2