Flat Writing

I’ve been feeling a little flat with my writing lately.

Ironically, this lull started after I finished the halfie a week and a half ago. Then it spiraled to an even lower low after the Sydney Writers Festival.

Both events that gave me so much motivation and inspiration, it’s now left me for creativity dead.

Why is that?

I remember going to a 2 day intensive self-help course several years ago. I wouldn’t have attended normally but a colleague forwarded my name and the course people kept telemarketing (read: harassing)  me until I relented and signed up.  What the hey, it was for free.

As predicted it was all very touchy, feely, let the angst out and love in type of course.

There was even a segment where they asked you to close your eyes, remember a lost loved one, to “soak” in their memories and of course, the subsequent tears.

Then they had “guardian angels” come up from behind and give you little massages to ease the emotional pain.

So, you ask me to deliberately cry? Then in my absolute vulnerable and ugly state (I look like a tortured possum when I cry) have some stranger who I couldn’t turn around and see, rub my back and pat my head?

You guys be weird!

Thought it. Never the entire weekend did I utter it.

After it though, I was a little pumped.  Well, as much as a born cynic could be.

I distinctly coming home showing my then live in boyfriend my Vision board that included a big sparkly Tiffany’s engagement ring (hint, hint…) and the kind of marital house I wanted for us (hint, hint, hint, hint).

But the next day, a Monday, things – emotionally – just came crashing.  Out of nowhere, I felt exposed, vulnerable and really jittery.  It was annoying as hell.

I was driving into work that morning and as I turned left into the side street of my office parking, I completely didn’t see a pedestrian and almost hit them.  The abuse and foul language that came out that guy made me jolt.

So much for a rah-rah, therapeutic weekend.

A couple of years later, I spoke to friends who have been to similar courses and they all agreed that there’s a certain crashing low one feels after feeling all hyped up and made to feel deliberately pumped about life.

It’s going to take time to get over such emotional exhaustion. No matter how “happy” the actual cause intended to be.

 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m hell proud of the effort I put into my 21.1 kms run. As soon as I crossed that finish line, I was floating on my endorphin high.

Then the following week, to listen in the same day to Amy Tan and Alice Walker – 2 prominent literary figures is still simply mind blowing.  I came out of each session exploding with inspiration.

But that was my immediate reaction from both and now is the sit back and soak it all in.

And while I’ve been trying to fight this ebb (as well as this damn cold), I’m hitting a point where it’s okay to go through this.

Just as tough things in life can overwhelm us, moments of exquisiteness can too.

Flatness is respite.  Flatness gives a chance to catch your breath.

It helps you emotionally and mentally prepare yourself for the next chapter.

Have you ever experienced that ‘flatness’ after undergoing something massive and exciting?

P.S I’m not having a  go at self-help courses, either. That Vision Board eventually got me my engagement ring and a happy (most of the time) marital home 🙂