Joining in with Debra from Home Life Simplified and her 52 Week Simply Your Life Challenge. This week, we talk about overcoming fears…
You can pretty much slot me in the adrenaline-starved, adventurous type.
From climbing Mt Fuji (hungover, mind you…), taking part in an 1km ocean swim at Bondi Beach (Watch out for the sharks, baby), running the 14 km City2Surf (twice), deep sea diving in the Philippines, surfboaring in Hokkaido, surfing in Hawaii…
In fact, there’s still a huge bucket list involving all sorts of extreme sports and dares.
Bungee jumping and sky-diving are the top 2.
When it comes to such adventures, I ignore the physical fear. I focus on the thrill and the exhiliration. I’m striving to get closer to a completely fulfilled life.
To reach the ultimate goal of no regrets.
However, when it comes to vulnerabilities and emotional fear ? These I have still yet to overcome.
I can find it extremely difficult to let someone know if I’m feeling hurt. Or feeling angry or betrayed. Even just simply let down.
My excuse is that the feelings are too overwhelming to deal with. That there is no emotional room left in me to articulate what’s actually hurting me inside. So instead, I tend to shut down. I lose all communication channels and it’s been known to drive my husband and other loved ones around the bend.
Being an extreme extrovert, this behaviour doesn’t make sense to others. But it does to me.
As difficult as it is to admit; it is my make up. And over the years, particularly the past decade, I’m steadily learning what needs to change within.
There have been some memorable instances when Mr Surfer has challenged me to break that stubborn code of silence. He waits patiently until I’m ready to face the hurt or anger. Sometimes, it’s taken days.
I eventually open up. But the emotional energy needed is immense.
It’s my own trapeze act, trying to get to that catcher. I know I want to do my twists and turns. I can envisage how relieved I will feel once I complete my jump and get to the other side. I know that there’s a huge safety net underneath assuring me that I have nothing to fear.
It’s just a matter of taking that inital, terrifying leap into the depths of what is actually upsetting me.
At the end, I clear my trapeze jump. Without doubt, the ordeal is draining. But there’s always someone on the other end, either catching me or rescuing me.
What becomes apparent is rediscovering the importance of living life without regrets. Just as I embrace my physical challenges, it’s now about identifying and facing the emotional ones. Rather than keeping them tightly locked up within, for me, life is about trying to learn to share the pain, processing through it with those you love and trust.
Realising that the free fall into my vulnerabilities is actually another step to achieving a fulfilling life.