Joining in with Debra from Home Life Simplified and her 52 Week Simply Your Life Challenge. This week, we talk about overcoming fears…
You can pretty much slot me in the adrenaline-starved, adventurous type.
From climbing Mt Fuji (hungover, mind you…), taking part in an 1km ocean swim at Bondi Beach (Watch out for the sharks, baby), running the 14 km City2Surf (twice), deep sea diving in the Philippines, surfboaring in Hokkaido, surfing in Hawaii…
In fact, there’s still a huge bucket list involving all sorts of extreme sports and dares.
Bungee jumping and sky-diving are the top 2.
When it comes to such adventures, I ignore the physical fear. I focus on the thrill and the exhiliration. I’m striving to get closer to a completely fulfilled life.
To reach the ultimate goal of no regrets.
However, when it comes to vulnerabilities and emotional fear ? These I have still yet to overcome.
I can find it extremely difficult to let someone know if I’m feeling hurt. Or feeling angry or betrayed. Even just simply let down.
My excuse is that the feelings are too overwhelming to deal with. That there is no emotional room left in me to articulate what’s actually hurting me inside. So instead, I tend to shut down. I lose all communication channels and it’s been known to drive my husband and other loved ones around the bend.
Being an extreme extrovert, this behaviour doesn’t make sense to others. But it does to me.
As difficult as it is to admit; it is my make up. And over the years, particularly the past decade, I’m steadily learning what needs to change within.
There have been some memorable instances when Mr Surfer has challenged me to break that stubborn code of silence. He waits patiently until I’m ready to face the hurt or anger. Sometimes, it’s taken days.
I eventually open up. But the emotional energy needed is immense.
It’s my own trapeze act, trying to get to that catcher. I know I want to do my twists and turns. I can envisage how relieved I will feel once I complete my jump and get to the other side. I know that there’s a huge safety net underneath assuring me that I have nothing to fear.
It’s just a matter of taking that inital, terrifying leap into the depths of what is actually upsetting me.
At the end, I clear my trapeze jump. Without doubt, the ordeal is draining. But there’s always someone on the other end, either catching me or rescuing me.
What becomes apparent is rediscovering the importance of living life without regrets. Just as I embrace my physical challenges, it’s now about identifying and facing the emotional ones. Rather than keeping them tightly locked up within, for me, life is about trying to learn to share the pain, processing through it with those you love and trust.
Realising that the free fall into my vulnerabilities is actually another step to achieving a fulfilling life.
Wow all those physical things are amazing. I don’t even like roller coasters! Isn’t that weird? I guess we are all just wired differently, maybe?
As for the emotional fears, gosh, sounds so familiar! It is really hard to talk about our feelings, I think mostly because we don’t want to make others feel as bad as we do, or to rock the apple cart, so to speak. We think things are easier if we just bottle it up and deal with it ourselves, but they aren’t. You will get there, I’m sure of it. You sound very switched on and aware, that’s half the battle.
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Nothing to Fear. Week 10. {52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life}
Thanks ! It’s taken me a while to face the issue of shutting down…and it’s taken those dearest and nearest to help me deal with it (which wouldn’t be much fun for them !). Steadily, I’m getting there. And it’s so true what you say – we don’t want to make others feel bad or expose them to how bad we actually feel so, for me, I don’t speak up.
I’m learning that that’s not the answer. It only adds complexity to the situation.
I’m in awe of your physical courage to do those ‘extreme’ things. The introvert in me loves and admires the extrovert in you! And you’ve just proven that despite our natural wiring – our DNA – it doesn’t have to pigeonhole us, we can still learn and work on things that are more of a challenge. What’s so great about you is that you’re wise and self-aware. You’re willing to face the emotional fears… and that I believe will bring you to a happy place with yourself (and other people!). x Love you Ms Grace x
Deb @ Bright & Precious recently posted..In My African Dream
Oh, Deb. Thank you for your beautiful, kind words. I sometimes wish I held back on things a little and wasn’t always so “out there”. Lol ! But, I am who I am and going through these emotional fears is work in progress. Isn’t that just life in general ? Lovin’ you right back, lovely lady xxx
Well I’m going to consider myself one of the highly honored friends in your life as this is not how I have observed you at all!
Emotionally available, open, sensitive, vulnerable and willing to dip into the heavier pool of emotions at times. I guess it comes down to stretching your level of comfort then so that you feel less afraid and more embracing of your emotional depths?
I think you’re doing swingingly xx
kirri recently posted..You know those moments
Naw, thanks, Kirri, love ! And yes, you’re so right. I truly want to stretch that level of comfort. For years I thought being this extrovert meant that I knew how do deal with relationships and friendships. It took some heartbreaks and self-reflection for me to realise I was wrong. That there’s always more, much more to learn in the complexities of human relationships.
BTW…You forgot to mention the Britney wrap with a python. That took guts!!
kirri recently posted..You know those moments
Haha ! You know, I thought of it as I was writing the post, but I thought I had too much on my list as it was…;) But yes ! My Britney-style moment was a highlight too !
Ouch, I know how hard that trapeze jump is! Good for you for identifying and working on it.
And I am in awe of your adventures! Adrenaline rushes are not my thing but I kinda wish they were!
Tam recently posted..The fear of friendship {SYL}
I don’t know why or where it all started but I just love that feeling of exhilaration 🙂
I shut down and go into myself too when I have lots on my mind, drives my hubby crazy as he just wants to talk and let me get what I am feeling out, am slowly reminding myself that it is great to talk, I loved how you explained this and your feelings in this post.
And loved the clip you did for your hubby on the sidebar of your page, beautiful!
Alicia recently posted..Where is my Courage?
Thanks, Alicia ! Aren’t we blessed to have partners who are so patient with us ? And it is all about reminding ourselves that after the talk…we feel a lot better inside and out.
Love this one – “…the free fall into my vulnerabilities is actually another step to achieving a fulfilling life”. Sometimes, accepting our vulnerabilities is such a relief from the pressure of having to be strong all the time. In the end we are human, so we need our moments of weakness and we need our loved ones to support us and make us feel loved and strong again…Beautiful post!
Susane recently posted..Phlebotomy Certification
Yes, I agree with you – we do need our moments of weakness and the support of our loved ones during these moments. I guess for me, for so long I needed to feel that I was independent and I could do everything on my own. Meeting my husband and marrying him certainly changed all that 🙂
Wow! I don’t know how many times I’ve written this comment Grace, but you are one heck of a woman! The adventures are one thing and the posts full of heart and insight is another. Love you!
ava recently posted..My SarahG fever.
Thank you, my beautiful friend ! Love you right back !
I wonder if this fear is about admitting that you have emotional needs and are vulnerable. I write this from experience! 😉
Lee @ Mummy Issues recently posted..{SYL12) Lazy Home Duties 101
That’s totally it, Lee ! Hit the nail right on the noggin !!! For so long it was all about being “emotionally tough” and “independent”. Now it’s about admitting to…well, just being human 🙂
Wow Grace I am in awe of the adrenaline junkie life – I love a good theme park ride but am no real risk taker so avoid the bigger ones like skydiving. Great that you are trying to carry on with the trapeze act – love the imagery you created (so happy you are with us for SYL)
Deb @ Home life simplified recently posted..How to spread kindness as a family – actions of the heart
I honestly don’t know where I got this love for risk taking and adventure, Deb ! But yes, there is still some emotional fear I need to overcome. I’m really enjoying the link up. It’s really helping validate a lot of things I’ve already been thinking about. Thank you for hosting it !