It’s a given that life constantly throws an array of lemons and curveballs. Learning how to dodge and deal with them is imperative. This past week, I realised that I’m still trying to figure out the antidotes and escapist manouveres.
Plans for Mr Surfer to make an impromptu interstate trip began last Tuesday.
And by the following Wednesday morning he was gone to leave me with 3 days and 2 nights of solo parenting.
I know, I know.
On the grander scheme of things, I have no substantial grounds to complain. I humbly kowtow to single mums everywhere.
But I won’t lie. Raising the twinlets during the current toddler tornado stage is a heavy, mentally fatiguing battle. And while having to look after them on my own is rare, it’s a momentary lapse of living dangerously.
But it appeared I had underestimated my little monkeys.
When Mr Surfer called the next morning, I sounded confident, even a little cocky.
“They’ve been perfect!” I assured him.
To ensure that I wouldn’t have to be scambling around their cots in the middle of the night during those fatal dummy drops, we had stocked up on an extra supply.
So, it was a proud moment to say I didn’t have to use them.
But of course, this is when that curveball comes hurling at you out of nowhere.
If the first night was sheer heaven, the second was its stark contrast.
Both woke up several times before midnight. Only to take hourly turns thereafter.
Tears, screams, squirming little strong bodies pushing away the dummies I was offering.
By 5am, I was running out of both dummies and patience.
From there, it all collapsed into dischord and chaos.
Even though my eyeballs were ready to drop into my strong cup of tea that morning, I decided to take the monsters to the park from some fresh air.
Heading back home, there was the hope of some respite during their afternoon nap.
It’s that fine line of wishing something too much that of course, it doesn’t manifest. And despite how a nap normally falls with ease into our daily routine, this was the day (of all days), it wasn’t to be.
Trying to settle one in my arms, there were cries from the other for a particular Thomas train. I desperately searched the entire house without success while the screams intensified.
So, I tried offering some consellation trains.
No, he didn’t want Percy.
He threw Rosie out of his cot and across the room.
He wanted his beloved Spencer.
“Pencer!!!! Pencer!!! Peeeencer!!!”
The wailing was relentless.
My head was ready to crack as I cried along beside them.
Bearing it no more, one by one I plopped them both in front of the TV and switched on a Thomas DVD.
Yes, I’m a bad parent like that.
I wish I had the patience. I wish I didn’t get angry or frustrated. I wish an inbuilt mechanism helped me keep my cool.
I wish…I wish…
I just wish I had some sleep.
Just when it couldn’t possibly get any worse, Mr Surfer called to say his flight had been delayed. He was still at the airport. A bird was stuck in the engine. They had to wait for the next first available engineer to fix it. Of course.
4 hours late in his return, Mr Surfer found me on the couch, completely dishevelled and defeated .
Solo parenting, man.
I can do it. Just not very well.
What are your tips for successful solo parenting ?
Grace, I’m right there with you. After 11 days straight of solo parenting I was nearly comatose with exhaustion. Yes we survive and we do it… but like you.. I didn’t think I did it very well. But, I’m not being hard on myself either . You do what you have to do to get through. But I don’t wish it on anyone. When my kids are older I’m sure it will be easier, but right now it’s tough. I hope you don’t have too many stints going solo again! x
Deb, I ready your post last night, nodding in complete empathy.
Yes, I’m the same as you – I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I did the best that I can.
It’s been a hard pill to swallow, finding out that motherhood is not like a corporate job – where you can “blitz” your way through challenges and tasks.
I hope you’ve had time to recover from your big solo stint, my friend x
How do we do it? Hm, because we have to, I guess. You do, eventually find a way that works for you and your family, conventional or not. I am a solo parent to 7, aged from 3-18 and all I can say is, I do the best that I can, on any given day, with what I have. Some days, my best is not the desired result but hey, we’re only human. xxx
Crissy recently posted..Panic stations!!
Crissy, you are amazing.
And yes, it’s just getting through it and knowing we’ve at least done our best. x
Oh Grace that’s hideous. You know i’ve only just got to the point of being ok on my own with my two overnight in the past six months. Before that I HAD to have back-up. If my two woke together overnight like yours, I wouldn’t have been able to comfort both of them at the same time. I had genuine fear over that situation. I don’t know how you do it.
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..My golden rule for choosing a godparent
Oh, Rachel…we just somehow do, don’t we?
If the trip was a little more planned ahead in time, maybe I would’ve been better prepared. Then again, maybe not. Who knows. It’s tough either way.
I would love to have back-up. But I guess it’s futile wanting things you just can’t have 🙂 x
Hi Grace
I relate on two counts to your post – I’m a single mama, and aunty to newborn twins and their toddler brother. I just wrote a post about how my sis is coping with it all (it’s called Giving is the biggest gift to yourself).
Here is my freshest tip on how to cope as a solo parent (or any parent really). Forgive yourself often. We all get our patience tested like we never imagined possible as parents and sometimes we lose it (get frustrated, feel the rush of blood to our heads in a nanosecond and want to scream) or compromise on our standards eg tv instead of sitting there staring into their eyes while we teach them how to paint inside the lines of the latest Picasso and friends colouring book or whatever. If we forgive ourselves often we just get on with it and let it go – perhaps another word would be just be a little kinder to ourselves. If we agonise over it – we just perpetuate the angst a little longer. As parents, no matter what our circumstances, we are doing a great job and we don’t need to give ourselves a hard time when we don’t do an optimum job – our kids do enough of that for us.♥
Yes, it’s all about forgiveness, isn’t it ? In the early days, I used to beat myself up all the time. I’m trying to let that go now. Slowly but surely.
I remember reading your post about your sister. It was beautifully written x
As you know my partner works in the oil industry so is away for weeks at a time. To be honest I think about people who’s partners are in the defence forces who are away for like 6 months and it’s all in perspective. I expect less of myself and focus on doing nice things for myself and the kids. Getting out of the house as often as possible helps the house stay cleanish and me stay sane-ish and as a general rule I don’t yell at the kids in public. So it’s better for them to be out too. I make sure we connect at the end of the day, especially with Miss 4 who misses out when her Dad’s away. I often phone Mum and Dad and palm them off. Or even one of them.
I find the changes hard – managing on my own then having to relinquish things, often things that are working really well for every one. Argh! It’s hard. But it gets easier with more practice. xx
Lee recently posted..The big move!
Yes, it is all about perspective, isn’t it ?
I think you do a great job, Lee. I love how you’re honest about it all – the good, the tough, the crazy. I’m banking on it to get easier 🙂 x
On the odd occasion that I’m on my own, I first warn my kids. “Daddy isn’t here so mummy might be a little stressed and needs you to be very good!” Then I try and get them into bed early. And when everything goes to shit, all the rules go out the window and we all sleep together 🙂
Kelly @ Handmade Tears and Triumphs recently posted..Sugarloaf: One Whole Hour for ME
That’s a great tip, Kelly! I probably tend to let the rules go out the window a little more often than I should 🙂
Solo parenting is definitely more tiring than having a back up, but now they are older we have more fun with it. There’s less washing with one less person for a start. And we eat things Daddy doesn’t like much like tacos or lamb shanks for dinner. And then we have pizza and eat it straight out of the box which Daddy wouldn’t approve of, but saves me having to wash up! The kids have even said, “when’s Daddy going away again so we can have lamb shanks for dinner?” The only time I really struggled was when all three of us got a vomiting virus that lasted almost the whole week Daddy was away. Daddy came home to find me wearing his track suit with the sleeves rolled up because I had literally run out of my own clothes with both kids vomiting on me so often. No sooner had he said, “why are you wearing my track suit?” than Meg, who I was holding, vomited down my back and managed to spray some on him too. Welcome Home Daddy!
Oh, Jen…you crack me up ! 😀
I know we tend to watch a bit more telly around here when Papa’s not around 🙂
And that vomiting virus…oh my…
Oh Grace! You poor thing!
I so understand! I take my hat off to every single mum out there, because I couldn’t do it!
You made it through! Not easily, but you did it. Be proud of yourself girl!
xx
Tracey @ Bliss Amongst Chaos recently posted..Things I know ~ My Heart Is Full
Thanks, Tracey! I was definitely glad when Friday night rolled in…and so did Mr Surfer 🙂 x
Why is it always when you desperately need them to nap that they don’t eh? Happens like that here too. You did great Grace – hope you had a nice relaxing weekend to make up for it x
Catherine Rodie Blagg @CoTaaB recently posted..Love (another birth story) part 2
Thanks, Catherine. It took me till Sunday morning, but I eventually recovered x 🙂
Like you, I’m really in awe of solo parents. I depend on the boy to be a very involved father… and I’m glad he does it willingly.
Really good job for “surviving” those few days without Mr Surfer.
Ai Sakura recently posted..Bub & Me: Monopoly Singapore Then & Now Game + {Giveaway}
Thanks, Ai. I deserve a big “Gokuro-san” pat on the back 😉
as a full time soloist I would say pick your battles. Kids won’t sleep, pop em in bed with you and snuggle!!
kelli recently posted..How to geo-cache in Tasmania
Might just have to take your advice on that one, Kelli 🙂
Whoa – that sounded like a really rough solo gig. I really can’t compare since my two guys are two years apart. Still, those weekends (and these endless summer days) when I have to drag their whiny-dancing butts all over Manhattan, I’m ready for a pint…of whiskey. It’ll get better when the twinlets get older and more independent. You’ll need a bigger first aid kit, too!
Nami recently posted..My Future With Matthew McConaughey
Yeah, so true! The older they’ll get, the harder the knocks. The drama never ends, does it? 🙂
I’ve been so fortunate not to be solo most of my parenting days that the times I am are a shock to the system. I do get the “doing what you can to get through” reasoning. I think almost anything goes when you’re in that zone. I’d rather be there than blowing up or having an emotional breakdown because I’m trying to keep up those expectations in a daze of tiredness. Hope things are back to normal now. xx
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..Birthday reflections
Defiantly a had gig.
I take my hat off to all the solo parents out there.
I have 3 kids my oldest is 11, my youngest is 4 (turns 5 next month) i have roughly 3 years between them all.
They are now all at a good age, things have become so much more simpler in the past year.
Me N my Monkeys recently posted..Children’s personalised books, made at home!
My husband travels a bit and is in Canada at the moment. It’s been 2 weeks and I love the quiet. I love that I don’t have to do the extra washing or make him a meat dish. The bed is just mine and the dogs. I learnt a long time ago to focus on the positives of him going away and now I love it. I still love him but I love the space too. Rachel x
Rachel from Redcliffe Style recently posted..My Absolute Favourites: Skincare Products
Oh so TV babysitting = bad mother. Bugger. Add me to bad mothering list 😉
Rhianna recently posted..On friends and coffee
Oh, I totally here you! Solo parents have my utmost respect! My two eldest are close in age so although not exactly twins they were very similar to twins when younger. And of course, there’s no reasoning with a screaming toddler! Nice try with Percy and Rosie…but you knew they weren’t going to cut the mustard, didn’t you? Hehe we always live in hope that something we offer will suddenly appease them. Glad you survived 🙂
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I agree with Kelli’s comment above – pick your battles wisely. Whilst I wasn’t a solo parent when my kids were small, I took on that role when my boys were 13 and 11. If you think 3 days with twin toddlers is hard, wait until they are teens. 😉 Consider the tornado twos as practice!
Lisa @ Mum of Adult Kids recently posted..Dinner and Chinese Checkers
First of all – don’t ever feel bad for putting the kids in front of the TV for a bit of peace when you are at your wits end. I do this with Master A, and he is at a stage where he will demand Toy Story on the TV at least once a day. I am a big believer of choose your battles. It isn’t worth the fight for a movie. It won’t kill him! He isn’t going to be scarred for life from too much TV!
Chrissie xx
Chrissie at Me and My Munchkin recently posted..The Versatile Blogger Award
Solo parenting is like the ultimate extreme sport. Every time I have to do it, I am in total and utter awe of single parents. And doing it with twins is just the universe’s way of having a laugh. Only someone with twins would understand how it’s never ever simple. Just wait until they’re old enough to compete for your attention…OMG…they don’t even want me, as such, but they don’t want the other twin to have more of my time. Argh. #1Hubby just had a week-long work junket to NZ. On his return I launched the twins and the oldest at him, and advised him that I will be taking a solo night at a hotel. Room service, in house movies, mini bar, bubble baths – all mine and mine alone. He was too scared to disagree. SO…in short..I have no tips…just an excellent recovery plan – solo hotel time. God speed!
Parental Parody recently posted..FFS!? Friday : Of human waste receptacles
I did four days with one four week old after I’d had a Caesarean. My husband organised people to visit me, cooked a tray of lasagne and bought me a muffin for the following day’s breakfast as I woke up starving to breastfeed. Boyo had a feeding frenzy as they do and was barely off my boob for a whole day and night. I was exhausted!
Now when he goes away, it’s life as normal except I still can’t cook and we just eat out. A lot!
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