Establishing feminist views or to even be considered one had never been high in priority. Being a feminist was that other dirty F word.
But little did I realize, since early adulthood – university years, working and living abroad, my entire career path – there was that continuous, albeit subconscious, fight to prove that I was worthy and deserved to be treated equal to my male counterparts.
Working in Tokyo for almost 5 years, a female British friend asked me, “How do you deal with the racism and sexism in your Japanese office ”
“It’s not an issue unless you make it one” was my reply.
In hindsight, that was probably a complacent approach.
And while I still believe there’s truth in that statement, there were possibly times when I could’ve stood up for my rights with fervour and confidence.
What’s ironic is, it’s this journey into motherhood that the assertiveness has really kicked in.
Maybe it’s because modern society still doesn’t take the role of a stay at home mother seriously or as a legitimate job with heavy responsibilities.
Last Sunday, I attended “All About Women” at the Sydney Opera House and sat in on the most awe-inspiring, thought provoking talks by passionate, highly intelligent women.
I watched a heartbreaking yet inspiring film, “All Through Fire” where 3 courageous Somali women are rebuilding their communities after war destruction.
I heard the entertaining Jennifer Senior speak about the hiccups we face in modern parenting. While the stats she spoke of are grim and adding that pressure for parents, especially us mothers.
Everyone thinks it’s great that there’s an increasing number of women who are heading back to the workforce yet surveys show that people still believe someone should stay at home to look after the kids. Catch-22 much?)
Mona Elthaway’s words floored me. An Egyptian journalist who’s had both arms broken and sexually assaulted by riot police during Egypt’s 2011 protests, Mona is fiercely outspoken about the dire current situation of women’s rights in her home country and surrounding Arab nations.
Only until recently, the law in Morocco allowed rapists to dodge jail by marrying their young victims. Imagine being 12 and marrying your rapist.
Now, before we start thinking how awful and backward all these countries around the world and how wonderfully lucky we have it here in Australia, don’t forget that somehow, our very own notoriously sexist Prime Minister is also Minister for Women’s Affairs.
She reminds us that fighting the gender equality battle is never done and it starts with us. In our immediate surroundings. In our home.
I want my boys to perceive me as a strong, capable woman; someone who deserves respect and authority not just within her family but her community; a leader in her own right who is not afraid to voice her opinions, no matter how radical.
I want my children to know that when I’m fired up or feisty, it’s all for a good cause. I want them to know that being a feminist is not a crime nor social taboo.
But most of all, I hope that through my example, they will learn to treat all women – all human beings – with equal respect.
Is it too late to aspire to be someone? I hope not. In fear of sounding stupidly gushy, I want to be just like Mona.
The talks will soon be uploaded on the Ideas at the House YouTube channel. I urge you to subscribe now and get ready to be inspired.
Do you have a female role model? Who is it?
Joining Essentially Jess for IBOT
QandA was AMAZING last night. So this must have been beyond amazing. Thanks for sharing, Grace. (And Abbott as Minister for Women’s Affairs. SHUDDER. But it’s okay. He has daughters. And a mother. He can’t be sexist.)
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It’s never too late to make a change, do what you love or be who you want to be.
So I’m sure you can and will.
I have a crush on Elizabeth Blackburn for telling Bush & his cronies they were stupid & wrong (she may not have used those words) at great cost to her research.
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How amazing was Mona Eltahawy, eh? I loved the festival on Sunday and funnily enough it was the sex talk {what women want} that was the only one that put me to sleep. Every other one I attended was just brilliant. And I want to be just like Mona too! It’s so true about our own country — we think we are forward thinking but our PM is a sexist pig and the treatment of our former PM just shows how badly women in power can be treated.
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I struggle a bit with this.
I do consider myself a feminist, in the sense it “should” be, in my view anyway, about equality. I don’t consider the “man hater” versions to be feminists.
But I also don’t think I’ve really been affected by gender stereotypes very much in my life. Logically, I realise this is lucky: I have been born in a first world country with good opportunities. Logically & academically, I know gender based atrocities go on in many places of the world.
But as I don’t feel I’ve been affected by this, it makes it hard to care on an emotional level about women’s issues. I blogged about this the other year and felt like I was told that I had to feel affected by being female. (It felt like if I wasn’t with them 100%, I was against all women.) But I just don’t. I guess we should only participate in causes we have a passion for? I also don’t feel comfortable being sidelined on this topic, as I am female!
This is such a big topic, and I can’t work out where I fit in it. My logical and emotions tell me two different things about feminist issues.
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Very tough issues Grace. Before having children I didn’t really feel that my gender held me back. I did have to listen to some trash talk from the guys in the office but I gave as good as I got. I found that if you did good work you would be respected. Motherhood has derailed my career but its mostly my own choice. I simply cant do it all and often feel like a failure in this regard. I guess this sums up the experience of many western women. Its small potatoes compared to what women in the developing world face.
And Vanessa – I believe one can be a feminist without hating men and/or blaming men per se for societies inequalities. I think it would actually help the feminist cause to acknowledge the difficulties that men face.
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I’m inspired by the mums that can keep all their balls juggling at once. I have always believed having mum at home is the best way to bring kids up but I also understand financial pressures on the household that force mum back into work. That or the fact if they don’t go back to work they feel left behind and will lose the security of their job. The speakers sound inspiring and it really puts our own lives in perspective when we hear of the atrocities women in other countries face.
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My female role model is my Grandmother. She was an amazing woman and wasn’t afraid to stand up for what she believed in and for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. She was passionate about communication and believed that if we could all learnt o communicate better the world would be a much better place, which I totally agree with. If she was still alive today she would totally have been a blogger!
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Great post Grace. It is disgusting how some women are still treated. I work in a male dominated industry and have had sexist comments the whole way along, and like you I have never let it bother me but I really should have!
My female role model would be my MUm. She has worked hard to be the best mum she can be and she is strong and fiesty.
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I struggle with the idea of feminism to be honest. I just don’t necessarily agree that women can do everything men can, and I don’t know that we should want to. We are wired so very differently, and we have different strengths and weaknesses. Though having said that, I don’t believe we are inferior, and I think we all have the potential to bring about positive change to our community. I think the world needs strong women who will stand up and lead, just as it needs strong men. Everyone using their skills for the betterment of humanity.
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Great post Grace-especially in contrast to the red lace dress post you wrote. I read the other day that feminism isn’t about being a man hater, it is about being treated equally and fairly when you complete the same or similar role as a man. I think the definition of feminism is muddled these days,even women are confused about it (you can see in the comments above) it is not about burning you bra or hating men at all. I think those that don’t identify with the concept of feminism from the 1970’s need another definition of feminism to connect to their way of life. Do we realise how free our way of life is due to how much work & struggle these women have provided for us today? I wish I had been at that conference. Getting off my soapbox now xx
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What a great post. My female role models are my mother and grandmother – two very different people with different views and ideas but stood up for what they believed in. Reading the comments I agree with Jess (EssentiallyJess), I think both strong male and females are needed and some are more suited in certain situations/environments, no one is inferior or better than the other. What it means to me a feminist is so blurred these days and if you asked people their definition of it, it would all be different.
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