Dipping the big toe in…

It’s a blessed rainy Sunday evening.  The babes are surprisingly fast asleep.  The serenity is almost killing me.

Some of you may recall that I wrote a post about being sorely disappointed by a blogging course I attended.

Mental note:  Community College Courses are undeniably a case of hit or miss.  Enroll at your own risk.

I mentioned that a passing comment from a fellow lady student gave my precious, yet rather (at the moment) lost ego a slight boost.  She told me that she learnt more from me in five minutes, than the entire four hours of the course.

The story actually continues.  Immediately after the class, we briefly chatted about how she was hoping that the course would help her set up a business blog to promote her shop.  Yet, like me, she was sorely disappointed.

All she wanted to do was add in the content.  She didn’t want to spend the time doing the fiddly, technical stuff in the actual blog design.

Surely, there were some young students out there.

Surely.

Enter Mama Grace.

Hopping in my car after our conversation, I drove home with my head whirling with thoughts and ideas.

I could do it.  Why don’t I do it ?  Why didn’t I offer to do it ?  Damn, I missed an opportune moment !!!

By the time I arrived home and told Hubby the entire story, he reiterated what had already been in my head on the drive home.

Googling the details of her shop, I sent her an email offering my assistance.  To explain why I had a sudden interest in helping a stranger, my reasoning was to the point:

To break up the boredom of a stay-at-home-mum.

Reassuring myself that I had nothing to lose, I hit the “send” button with sound conviction.

Surprisingly, she replied.  She was interested.

“What was my hourly rate ?” she asked.

Hmmmm, interesting question.

What was I worth ?

On a deeper level, I had been pondering on the very same question for a little while now and struggled to reach a solid answer.

Since becoming a mother, you find that appraisal now comes from family.

Next in line, your job is then possibly judged by one or many of the following: the obstetrician, the midwife, the paediatrician, the allergy specialist, the GP, the dietician and so on.

In the first 6 months of the twinlets’ lives, we were fortunate to have a midwife from the Parental Support Group pay monthly visits to our home to routinely check their development and growth.

On her last visit, as we said goodbye at our front door, she gave me a massive hug and said, “I’m so proud of you, Grace.  The boys have come so far.  You’ve done a tremendous job with them.”

I hugged her so hard because I didn’t want her to see my tears.

Tears of exhaustion.  Tears of relief.  Tears of gratitude because motherhood can be an awfully lonely and daunting task and every little bit of praise helps.

So, coming back to this “blog consultancy gig” – as I like to call it.

This opportunity has given me a new sense of reinvention.

This little project, as tiny as an acorn, is helping me deal with the bigger issues of trying to figure out what I really want to do beyond motherhood.

Do I return to a corporate world of demanding sales quotas and – as cliched as it is – get back to the grind ?

Do I just jump into the deep end of brand new unfamiliar territory and embrace both the thrill and anxiety of starting afresh ?

There is no hurry for me to resolve it.  I have no desperate reason that’s forcing me to make any major life alterations right now.

I still have this precious time to solely be a mum to two amazingly active (sometimes crazy) boys and deal with all the soul bearing stuff that comes with it.

Meanwhile, I will continue to blog.  I will keep pondering.

At the very least, I managed to dip my toe in the pool of self-worth again.