This is a sponsored post.
Many of my readers may be wondering why I’m writing about child support here on my blog. You all know I’m happily married (except when he puts an empty milk bottle back in the fridge).
Sponsored or not, I believe this post can help others. I asked a selected number of people to share their stories on this sensitive topic. All answered my questions with full-cooperation with one interviewee even stating that the topic of child support needed to be discussed more openly.
No lawyers were part of the interviewing process as I felt it was important to focus on the realistic journeys of separated families.
Regardless of my own personal experiences, I’m grateful that I was given this rare and special opportunity to share vital information on my blog for my community.
*****
There is no doubt that life constantly throws curve balls.
Some manageable. Some completely uncontrollable. Others filled with such emotional turmoil and twisted in the involvement of different parties, that any sense of rational judgment or decision making can be near impossible.
No one ever wants to have to go through the trauma of divorce. Especially when children are involved. How to share the parental and financial responsibilities of their welfare and upbringing can be controversial and conflicting.
Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), both parents are responsible for the financial support of their child until the age of 18. While this legislation appears straight forward, arrangements for child support as well as the amount payable varies and is obviously subject to the intricacies and sensitivities of each circumstance.
Getting a mediator:
*Jason’s son was 4 when he and his former wife decided to separate. The actual divorce was nasty and lawyers were used for the divorce settlement. Regarding child support payments, Jason and his ex-wife used the Child Support Agency (CSA).
“Trying to use the CSA is the best approach. They don’t always get it right and have some pretty strange rules, sometimes, but it costs nothing and they can provide a mediator, if you can’t come to an agreement on payments”
Collection of payment:
Arranging payment can be done privately or through the collection services of the CSA.
While relying on solicitors to reach the best outcome for their children (who were 6 and 8 at the time), *Sharon’s disgruntled ex-husband was opposed to the idea of child support. However, to keep things amicable, Sharon accepted the arrangement of private collection, despite the payments being extremely lower than the CSA assessment.
However, payment suddenly stopped and if they were made, came in dribs and drabs. To avoid further emotional conflict during this difficult time, Sharon requested for the CSA to act as the collection agency. She has since returned to the private collection arrangement.
As Sharon states, “My concern has never been with the assessed amount, nor the amount that was agreed in private collection. The philosophical difference between our households – regarding the responsibilities and obligations of birth parents – was my reason for pursuing the matter”
Beyond the payments:
*Stephen’s intentions were always to pay child support when he separated his ex-wife. His children being 4 and 9 and a half months and as his ex-wife wasn’t working yet, Stephen agreed to voluntarily increase his payments than what was calculated by CSA. As a means of “spousal maintenance” the additional amount was for a 6 month period.
However, matters turned awry when time came to return to the base payments. Claims were made that the payments were not enough to support the children. Yet there was no way to prove whether the money Stephen was already providing was used solely for the children.
Now, Stephen and his ex-wife use the CSA to review payments on an annual basis.
“We have a customer number with the CSA and both send our tax returns to them every year. Ever year they use this info to recalculate what I should be paying and I adjust the payments accordingly”
Limited access to the children:
In other cases, it’s not the issue payment, rather a myriad of other complicated factors.
Andrew’s experiences with child support began when his daughter was 9. Initially, split child custody was accompanied by split payments. However, Anthony’s ex-wife eventually decided to take his daughter away from him, leading to court issues and the heavy involvement of the CSA.
Access to his daughter over time was limited even further, yet Anthony continued to make the stipulated child support payments on time.
“The whole situation of divorce and child support is incredibly wearing on the non-custodial parent if there is no sense of civility between the parties involved.”
Doing what’s best for the kids:
*Nancy’s sons were 17, 16 and 14 when she and her ex partner opted for a private agreement. While it worked for her in reaching a swift resolution without the to and fro of lawyers, she agrees there is no ideal way for child support.
“It all basically comes down to the parents, to get over their hurt, behave civilly and do the best for their kids.”
With her blended family of 5 children and the financial struggles they face of supporting her 2 children as well as her husband’s 3 from a previous marriage, *Natalie has an optimistic, even philosophical outlook:
“We subscribe to the theory that you are never given more than you can handle so (we) embrace our current situation and look for what it can teach us.”
As proven by those who were interviewed, very rarely do both or either party can come out unscathed. Injustices or unfairness will be faced and unfortunately, need to be dealt with. But the focus is to fight for the best and protection of the children.
Because in the end, you will survive.
Do you have a child support story to share?
Disclaimer:
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
I am not a legal advisor. All information has been based on personal experiences and opinions by those interviewed. Find more about child support here.
If you’re experiencing hardship or problems in your relationship, contact Lifeline on their 24 hour crisis support line, 13 11 14 or Relationships Australia, 1300 364 277.
Paul and I don’t live together and so in Centrelinks eyes we aren’t a ‘legal’ couple. So in order for me to be able to receive Family Tax Benefit payments we need to have a Child Support Agreement in place. We have a bank acc in Dyllans name so that if we are ever audited we can provide that as proof. It’s such a pain in the arse to have but we found out the hard way that if there is no agreement, then there’s no FTB.
I’m going to cry!! I always find it so sad to hear of families splitting up… but I must get a grip and remember that I have some friends who have done it well, and most people I know have managed to put their grievances behind them over time.
You’ve done well here with a tricky topic. Well done, great interviews and it is always good to air difficult subjects,
Seana – Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel recently posted..2013 Beach Walk for Brain Cancer – Sunday 24th November 2013
As a child of divorce (obviously a looooong time ago), I saw first hand how tricky this situation can be, and how reaching the perfect balance is usually almost impossible. We were cared for financially, but I do think more contact and shared custody would have been better for everyone.
A friend of mine had a personal agreement with her husband, and that worked well, but they were always careful to follow the CSA guidelines.
These are sad interviews Grace, but reality is like that. Thanks for sharing. xx
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen recently posted..I Heart B & W
I’m sitting on both sides of the CSA fence at the moment. My ex and I have a wonderful arrangement. We arrange our payment privately, but CSA give us an amount based on our taxable income, which he then pays directly to me. I use this money for basically everything Boo needs bar food and a home – all clothes, kinder fees, dance fees, toys, drawing supplies, etc etc. come from this amount. I provide a statement to my ex quarterly of where the money has gone, voluntarily, as I don’t want him to feel that our daughter is neglected or passed over for other members of my ‘new’ family.
On the other side of the fence, Husbeast’s ex receives a decent amount per week (so much that sometimes I struggle to feed us as we pay so much to her!) which I pay via CSA. She often complains it isn’t enough and asks for cash handouts, which Husbeast used to give her but I refuse. She works 20 hours a week off-books and (just quietly) receives more from us than I do from my ex. However, Bozo is constantly in ill-fitting clothes and shoes and complains of not having proper toiletries at his mother’s as she can’t afford them. Sadly, though, we have to pay what they say and are not allowed to ask for any justification as to where the money goes. I understand this, but am frustrated and have launched a dispute.
This financial year, her taxable income dropped as her centrelink payment was changed and it was deemed we had underpaid her and so $1200 was taken from Husbeast’s tax return. We’ve reported that she’s working and are waiting on investigation, but even if she is found to be in the wrong, we’ve been told that she won’t be required to pay the money back.
CSA do great work, and I have incredible respect for how hard a job it is to govern such tricky waters. Just sucks to be the good people who get screwed 🙁
Tara @ Hand Me My Sanity recently posted..BabyWearing or Bust
Good on you for posting this, Grace! It’s important to talk about because it impacts upon so many Australian families – mine included! I’d never had to think about child support until the end of my first marriage. Although I’ve had ups and downs with the process, I continue to be amazed by the patience and understanding of the CSA staff who have one of the least thanked jobs in the world! x
My ex does everything he can to avoid paying child support. He pays the very bare minimum that he can get away with, while running a business with his new wife and making sure that any income they earn is only in her name. The CSA can only do so much.
Dorothy recently posted..Skylanders Swap Force – a family review
This, 100% this – CSA only works when the guy actually does the right thing – my sister’s ex is totally like this, he has his own business and pays next to nothing as he writes down his income to next to nothing by paying his wife a wage and a bunch of other legal but morally questionable means. Same guy boasts about being a fantastic father which just breaks my heart – being a good father means putting your kids first, not being a disneyland dad.
It makes me so sad when men don’t see child support for what it is – for the needs of their child and instead view it as a tool to get back at their ex.
I hear of these stories FAR MORE than I hear of any amicable ones. It is disgusting. The kids are the ones who miss out because their parents (usually the fathers) abandon their responsibilities for the kids when they leave the mothers. I have a friend who’s ex has 4 kids to 4 different women and tells CSA he’s not working when he is. It’s all an absolute load of crap and makes me sick to my stomach.
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Something You Wouldn’t Know
I struggle with this, my CSA assessment is based on what my ex earned last year, when he only worked half of the year. So even though this year he’s earning nearly double what his tax return was last year I only get based on this tax return, which doesn’t cover a whole lot of my sons upbringing. I have asked for him to help out a bit more, but he flat out refuses.
My husband has completely taken on the role of sole provider for my 9 and 10 year old daughters who have not seen or heard from their bio father since the 9 year old was 6 months! Up until this year he avoided paying child support but the CSA has caught up with him and the thousands that he owes are slowly being paid. I believe the CSA needs to have a more case by case approach because what suits my situation certainly wont suit yours! Great article, I really like how you seemed to stay “on the fence”.
This post has broken my heart. I was a child of divorce, and have 2 sisters. I don’t know what dad paid to mum, but I know that after he left my mum was fortunate to get a job 3 days a week and she was also fortunate that she and dad could sell their house which helped set her up. She was a single mum to 3 girls aged 12, 8 and 6. She did an amazing job, and my dad only had us every other weekend. I hear much more 50-50 split custody these days. Seems to me if you each have the child 50% of the time, there shouldn’t be a need for child support. In saying that, I would imagine in MOST of the cases, the husbands have the ability to earn much more than the mums. So what do you do? I don’t know, I think Bek is right – what works for one family certainly won’t for the next. But is there enough man power to review every case in it’s unique way?? Divorce is lose-lose for everyone, most especially for the kids. 🙁
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Something You Wouldn’t Know
Separation is such a tough one when there are kids involved 🙁 I always find it sad to see how a couple who once loved each other enough to bring a child into the world can end up throwing so much vitriol at each other during separation. Hubby and I were separated for 18 months when our oldest was a baby and I’m eternally grateful that she was too little then to see how badly we both behaved – I’d like to say I was mature and grown up, but in the heat of some of the more epic fights I certainly wasn’t! We were living in NZ at the time and child support was handled by the IRD (tax department). He managed to avoid paying while we were separated by moving around a lot but eventually it caught up with him and ironically they were docking his pay every week to settle his child support arrears and then paying it on to me for years after we were back together.
Emma Fahy Davis recently posted..Tips from the trenches: the twin mama edition
Does the CSA attach salaries like they do here in the States? I remember getting notices from Child Support to attach salaries for non-paying dads. I thought, “Ha! You can run, but you can’t hide.”
Nami recently posted..Zuke, I Am Your Grandfather
#1Hubby has a son from a previous relationship. My experiences with CSA were mixed, but I was sure glad to have a third party there to do the numbers and mediate the process.
My ex husband only works about 20 hours a week and was given the job by his sister and her wealthy husband. He was an alcoholic and lost every role he had when we were together so I always had to work and financially support the family. His rich brother in law recently bought him a property so he has stability where he lives while I continue to pay 95% of the cost of the children (includign private school fees) and have to rent. Even with the property purchase and the income he receives from his family he still maintains he cannot contribute in any meaningful way to the financial wellbeing of the children. This has been ongoing for years now and finally I have come to terms with the fact he will never change or do the right thing so I will use a divorce lawyer and ensure he is held accountable for his share of caring for the children. The CSA calculate on reported taxable income if one party isn’t disclosing an income or assets this makes this service not something I can rely on.
Regarding your legal concerns and questions, always ask the best of legal firms.
family lawyer Carindale recently posted..C + K Family Lawyers News
In regards with legal advice and other legal processes, it’s always better to seek the help of the best professionals.
child custody Oxley recently posted..C + K Family Lawyers News
I’ve read a lot child support stories and one thing is common, the non-custodial parent used to abuse. In my opinion, if you know what to do and how child support law works, it will never happen to you. In case that you don’t know anything, seek help.
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