I’ve been thinking a lot about self-preservation.
Life is life and at this particular stage, it’s overwhelming, stressful and just plain exhausting. I’m exhausted just talking about how exhausted I am.
It’s also very boring.
So, I’m looking back to help me move forward.
Aside the ebbs of life are the moments of seamless motion.
Motherhood, relationships, career – when everything is moving in a perfect, balanced flow.
And because perfect isn’t perfect enough, we decide to take more on; more responsibilities, more projects and the obligation to fulfill even higher expectations. Sometimes, it’s what others place on us. More often than not, it’s what we innately bring on ourselves.
Chatting over coffee with a friend a little while ago, she told me how the past couple of years, the stress of work and being on call 24/7 to her clients and boss had taken its toll.
The more flexible and accommodating she made herself; the more her health suffered. Not to mention her private life.
But it’s not about what’s right or wrong.
It’s about what’s in your immediate control; being comfortably aware of what your limits are.
Self-preservation is the precocious balance of what is expected of you and what percentage of that you’re willing to fulfill. How much of that is actually more than ample.
My friend eventually left her job and started her own business. Since our coffee conversation, she’s completely altered her lifestyle. She eats healthily, exercising and relishing in the rekindled romance with her partner.
And in a positively glowing way, I almost didn’t recognize her.
I often think of my friend’s story.
It’s a reminder that I do have a say.
I have the right to manage expectations.
Self-preservation isn’t about selfishness or weakness.
It’s knowing that my enough is actually plenty. And then some.
How do you manage expectations? Do you have an inspiring friend? Is life at an ebb or is it flowing at the moment?
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Haidee@Maybe Baby Brothers says
It was at an ebb but it’s beginning to flow again. Earlier in the year I hit a roadblock and was completely exhausted and just stressed and unhappy. Being pulled in too many directions! But life seems to have resettled recently and is on the up again. Sometimes it just takes small adjustments to find balance again. Quitting alcohol helped me, for some reason since children alcohol just makes me super tired.
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Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages says
It is such a careful balance and one I am trying to master this year. Kudos to those who have already figured it out.
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Lydia C. Lee says
I love the idea of managing expectations – I need to get a little better at that…with myself.
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JodY At Six Little Hearts says
Another lovely post Grace.
Learning to say no is the most valuable asset you can gift yourself as a mum. These days I am exceptionally good at it. X
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Desire Empire says
Yes it’s all about time management isn’t it? If only the work life balance was 1% work 99% life.
Carolyn
Desire Empire recently posted..The Hydro Majestic at Medlow Bath via Katoomba
Amy @ HandbagMafia says
I definitely think we all need to learn to say no more often and prioritise ourselves. I know I need to!
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Denyse says
How long have you got? Sorry, not trying to be flippant. There is no real work life balance achievable for long periods because somewhere along the continuum we get thrown another curve ball. What making the huge change in my life recently has taught me is that I can only control what’s within me. Those outside forces, the expectations we build up in our minds & the constancy of managing family life & work life along with our personality type & internal drive… Mean one thing only can make a difference.. Our response & reaction to life. Trying little fixes here & there work temporarily I find. Making time for being .. Via what helps your resilience..helps calm the internal chatter & the physical stressors. Always up for a chat about what else I’ve discovered about myself at 65!! Love D x
Denyse recently posted..At The End Of Our Road. 253/365.
Vanessa says
I’m guilty of adding more to my plate to try and feel good about myself. My biggest balance problem is that I love where I live but all the jobs there are crappy & underpaid, so I commute a long way.
Vanessa recently posted..Perfect Elements For A Lazy Weekend
Ingrid @ fabulous and fun life says
The older I get the better I am becoming at saying no and having a better work life balance. I’m also getting better at managing expectations in my home with other family members.
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Lucy @ Bake Play Smile says
Oh I always feel like my enough is not enough!!! It’s terrible!!! I definitely need to learn to accept that what I’m doing is ok… but it’s hard!! You’re always thinking of the things that you should be doing. It’s such a vicious cycle!! On that note, have a fab weekend lovely! xx
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Min@WriteoftheMiddle says
This is such a beautiful post Grace and a topic that is very close to my heart! I had many years of juggling a career, 3 kids, 3 schools, being on various school committees, trying to keep fit, running a household etc etc I lived exhausted for many years and it did take a toll on me. I learnt a big lesson. I don’t have to please everyone and in fact it is impossible! I also learnt to listen to myself – how I’m feeling emotionally, mentally and physically and what I need to do to make all those areas of myself feel balanced. I know that nature calms me. I know I need to meet up with girlfriends regularly. I know I need to go walking regularly. I know I need to eat healthy foods! Knowing yourself and looking after yourself makes a huge difference 🙂 xo
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Eva @ The Multitasking Mummy says
I’d have to say that my life typically has peaks and troughs…at the moment I’m in a peak as I’ve gotten back into running but not long a go it will definitely go back to a trough. I guess it’s just part of life and a reminder that I’m alive and need to make the most of what I can. I’d be lying though if I said there haven’t been times of late I’ve wanted to give up. Actually, my post I’ve linked up is one way I’ve tried to make things easier on myself…learning to say no! X
Eva @ The Multitasking Mummy recently posted..The Art of Saying No
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
My word for the year was balance and I’m still working on it. I am getting much better at saying no though, which is definitely a step in the direction. I think for things to flow, it’s important to remember that you can do anything but you can’t do everything! Happy weekend xx
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Raych aka Mystery Case says
I’ve just waved goodbye to hubby for three to four weeks. He will be working on a ship in the middle of nowhere with no contact. I’m exhausted just thinking about the extra work on my plate with him away and I already have enough on. Which has me questioning why I continue to take so much on. When I really don’t need to.
Raych aka Mystery Case recently posted..Packing for a dirty weekend
Ai Sakura says
Somehow I feel like is at a standstill – just waiting for more exciting things to come. So terribly busy now but it’s to work on my health, and get Lil Pumpkin ready for big kids school next year… cannot wait to be able to enjoy the fruit of our toils.
Ai Sakura recently posted..“What does a Veterinarian do?” | His First Vet Talk
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad says
Balance. So hard to achieve. I am particularly bad at it, overloading my diary until I am a mess trying to be everywhere and everything to everyone. I appreciated your story about your friend. There is a lot in there for all of us.
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad recently posted..Seven Tips To Help Your Family Cope During Survival Mode
natalie @ Our Parallel Connection says
This is such a hard question as I know the answer but I do not practise what I preach. I try to keep everyone happy and the only one to suffer is myself., I have just had a fight with mu hubby over this exact thing.. argh.. life can be difficult sometimes.
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Kirsty @ My Home Truths says
It’s been nearly a year since I left my outside employment. It’s been the busiest and best and worst years of my life. Things have ebbed and flowed at a rate I’m still trying to catch up with. Feeling lost in those first months out of work, facing my Dad’s cancer diagnosis, heading overseas on the absolute best holiday of my life, coming back and having to deal with Dad’s decline and eventual death, turning 40, rediscovering exercise, injuring my ACL and now recovering from surgery plus starting my business and finding my feet with writing. I still don’t have balance but I’m hoping I’m closer now than I was 12 months ago. I certainly hope so, anyway!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted..I Must Confess…an evolution
Sally@Toddlers on Tour says
I hear you Grace, sometimes we just get so tired.
So tired we can’t think of anything other than being so tired.
So tired that our conversations only revolve around how we are.
We go to bed thinking how tired we are and wake with the same thought.
Then one day you wake and another thought has popped into your head, and there is a little spring in your step.
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Erika @ Ever-changing Life of a Mum says
Love this post Grace. Self-preservation definitely takes a lot of strength and courage as it usually means taking a leap of faith and going against what you ‘should’ be doing and focusing on what you need to do for yourself, your family, your loved ones. It’s been over a year now since I made the decision to leave my full time job to focus on my family, start a blog and pick up a few freelance writing gigs as I felt I could manage them. It has its ups and down but overall it was the best decision I have made and I’d hate to think what state I would be in if I had continued down the path I was previously on.
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Robyna | The Mummy and the MInX says
For the first time in weeks, I had a break. As soon as that happened, the Brisbane flu hit with a vengeance. Because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I think we talk about that a lot, but when things gets busy, it tends to be self care that’s the first to go. I am trying to change that.
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Zoe Meunier says
Yep, a constant juggling act. I’ve been hit with three rather nasty colds in six weeks, which have kind of sent things to a grinding halt… but also made me realise that the world won’t cave in if I’m not doing all the things I think I should be doing. But it’s hard to find the balance between trying to live a creative, productive, fulfilling life, helping your kids do the same… and then just taking on too much.
Zoe Meunier recently posted..Pearls of wisdom from the mother of two chucky babies
Kaz @ Melting Moments says
Such a lovely post. I am finally getting better at saying no because we have so much to deal with at home now. I always feel a pand of guilt but life moves on and it’s soon forgotten.
Kaz @ Melting Moments recently posted..WWU – Too Many Toys and Toy Rotation
Kyles says
It’s amazing the pressure we put on ourselves. The crazy thing is, we have all of these clever devices that are supposed to make our lives easier, but in fact what they actually do is make us connected and available around the clock, so we blur the distinctions between our work time and our leisure time. The work-saving tech actually intensifies our working lives. As with lots of things in life though the first step to fixing the problem is recognising that there is a problem. Very best of luck with finding a happy balance.
Kyles recently posted..Lessons from 4 mums in a waiting room
Ashlea @ Glamour Coastal Living says
You have hit the nail on the head!
In a ever changing and busy world its hard to say no and it is hard to feel like you can just ‘stop’ as we are all so busy!
Ashlea @ Glamour Coastal Living recently posted..Lets Make: a DIY Felt Ball Garland
EssentiallyJess says
This year has been one of stretching for me, and I knew it would be. The good thing is, it hasn’t pushed me, but increased my capacity. Sometimes we take on too much and it’s not good; other times it can actually expand what we are capable of. The tricky thing is knowing when enough is enough and being able to say no. For me at least 🙂
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Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
Gosh right now I’m sinking a bit G, and I need to make more of an effort to put myself first every now and then because when I’m happy and motivated the whole family benefits. It’s the saying no to work that I can’t do – I enjoy the freedom and things money buys, also my job. Have a great weekend x
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Deborah says
Back when I was working (and had a hefty mortgage on a single salary) I used to fantasise about working part-time or having some time off. Eventually I negotiated a 4 day week. The less $ was a bit of an issue, but I was so much happier.
Of course now I’ve taken the redundancy and moved and still yet to work out how to make money so dirt poor, but debt-free… and so SO much happier!
Deborah recently posted..September 11 and the sounds of silence
Maria @ Pastels & Macarons says
Oh I completely hear you Grace! My husband and i have worked hard and make huge changes (one been an international move) to feel happy here we are in life. On a personal level I feel happy and content but always and forever exhausted and always filling my life up with necessary expectations of myself. A huge one for me is my blog. I wanted it better, nicer and hoping to grow it bigger… a pressure I really don’t need to put on myself because I have enough on my plate as it is but it makes me happy and I want to feel like I’m achieving something else other than bringing up two little ones. We can certainly be our own worse enemies.
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sarah@tomfo says
Enough is plenty… so true, I was on the phone to my Aunty a while back and I signed off by saying, wish me luck in winning the lotto tonight… she said, I wish you all enough.
This year we packed up our house and moved away, because we had to much stress and strain on our lives and it was all to crazy.
We’ve moved and I think it’s the best decision we ever made, we’re slowing down and stopping to enjoy things.
I must say it took a near catastrophe to make us make the decision though.
And I’m so glad we did.
Happy weekend lovely. I wish you enough. x
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Toni @ Finding Myself Young says
I so needed to read this Grace. I always take on more things than what I should because I feel like I should be doing everything. In the end I usually resent having to do it all and want to give up, but then the next week I’m back at it agreeing to more and more things. I think I just don’t know how to not be busy or stressed. I really need to give myself permission to slow down {and not feel guilty about it}.
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Jennifer says
This is a great post…words we all need!
I stumbled across your blog quite by accident, and I will be back for more. Of course I didn’t realise until AFTER I linked up that I’ve ended up crashing an Aussie linky party! It became painfully obvious once I started reading a few other blogs 🙂
Apologies…and a happy weekend to you!
Jennifer recently posted..In Denial
Jen Rose says
Self preservation is definitely important – and is an equally good example to set for your kids as having responsibilities is. They don’t necessarily understand that when you’re burnt out you don’t eat as well or exercise as much, they see that this is an adequate lifestyle. Say no to taking on too much! (Love your wattle pic btw)
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Mary Denman says
Beautifully put Grace, and you’re not alone.
With my 17 year old daughter heading into 2 fairly big knee surgeries with her full recover not until sometime next May, I have reached a conclusion that she is the most important part of my life right now. She needs me to take care of her.
Other things are just falling away. Yet, I’m okay with slowing down to be there for her, my other kids, along with hubby. I will keep blogging, but I am saying no to everything thing else I can for now. No one else can be her mom.
I’ll pray that you find ways to get rid of some of the expectations that you don’t need anymore. 🙂 Thanks for your honesty. I needed to read this. 🙂
Mary Denman recently posted..Photo Tip Friday: Using Perspective in Photography to Create Better Photos
Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life says
Sadly we forget to prioritise ourselves in this busy world. I know I need to do a lot more self-preservation. Kudos to your friend for taking that step.
Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life recently posted..On leaving home #FridayReflections
Lisa wielgosz says
Such a lovely post to read. In recent years I have tried my best to slow down and enjoy the now (not always successfully). I even stopped blogging for a lengthy period of time. I have just returned and I must say I am happy that I took the break, it was much needed.
Kathy says
Yes Here, Here to enough being plenty Grace and to self-preservation – which is why I’m so late commenting here. I worked Friday had a friend’s big fashion show function on Friday night (for which I’d spent hours and hours doing the opening video and so felt behind with everything else) and a weekend of family stuff plus I taught yoga. I just couldn’t force myself onto the internet and I think when it feels forced it must be wrong. So it is about saying no and prioritising.
Kathy recently posted..Adventures for the soul traveller
Tinipy says
Prioritizing work,Time management,work life balance…It is a constant juggle indeed.Putting a brief pause to my work life,I am into a homemaker’s journey.And this one too is a burn-out at times.Defining what is enough is sometimes too tricky.
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