We’ve had to change our GP’s lately.
It’s a shame, really. Just as the twinions had started to take a real shine to Dr Alice*, she went on maternity leave. Boo.
With K-Bear’s asthma, our appointments are frequent (thank God for Medicare). The boys – while at first hating it and fighting it – eventually became used to the routine check ups.
Check your chest. (“Big, deep breaths”)
Check your ears. (“Can I see Thomas in there? Is Percy in the other one?”)
Check your mouth (“Say ‘ahhh’, “Wider, please”)
When the boys play “doctors” they always say their pretending to be “Dr. Alice” I wish she was around to see what a positive influence she’s made.
Now we have Dr Andrew*, who’s lovely and conscientious.
But, you know. He’s not Dr Alice.
With every visit, the twinions come bounding up the stairs in their raucous nature to the (once was) quiet waiting room. Sometimes we get pleasant smiles from other waiting patients. Others give glaring look of disapproval.
It’s then finally our turn. The twinions think Dr Andrew’s great. So great they call him Dr Alice.
Stepping straight into his office, the chaos starts. Jumping like little monkeys on his scales, I’m terrified we’ll break them. In between the twinions’ banter and cries for food or from boredom, we eventually get through the appointment. Somehow.
Dr Andrew never scolds them. But he doesn’t exactly have a warm nature either. His impartial demeanor leaves me wondering what he really thinks of my children. Surely, the crazy uncontrollable kind.
When we arrived back at home, Mr Surfer told me that while I waited outside with the boys after the appointment, he had a brief chat with Dr Andrew.
“Dr Andrew told me to specifically tell you…”
I knew it. He thinks I’m doing something wrong and that the kids are over the top, I thought to myself.
“He thinks the boys are nice and calm; That they’re good kids. Tell your wife she’s doing a good job”
Gobsmacked.
Never underestimate what a person is actually thinking.
For every stare of judgment you get when your toddler is throwing a tsunami tantrum in the supermarket, someone else is in awe with your steely patience.
For every time a neighbour comes rapping on your door complaining about the kids banging the walls, someone else takes joy in hearing the playful laughter.
For every time child rearing decision you make that is questioned, someone is applauding you for listening to your strong, maternal intuition.
Emily from Have a Laugh On Me has started #projectcalmdownmum on Instagram. I love it. Each time I write on a post it note or a blackboard to remind myself what I need to calm down about, I gain perspective.
Most of all, reading others’ notes helps me feel I’m not alone in this mothering gig.
Reading how others handle their “challenges” is, in its own unique way, helping me tackle my own.
We all need to feel that this motherhood journey isn’t entirely lonely.
Have you joined Emily’s #projectcalmdownmum? When was the last time you were left gobsmacked? Do you have a favourite GP?
*Names have been changed.
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Becc says
Aha, you see we all think the worst, but you know sometimes we are the ones judging ourselves.
Em’s project has been great. I am a little slack because it all sits in my head (and its a little difficult to take a photo of that) but hopefully I’ll get in the habit of writing it down to let it out 🙂
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Lydia C. Lee says
It’s funny, I said more or less that (that when people are looking at your kid in judgment, half the eyes looking aren’t really judging, it’s you who’s doing the judging) to another blogger this week.
As for Dr’s, I love our Dr. He’s really good, and thorough, but he’s also patient with my neuroses (of which there are many).
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Bec | Mumma Tells says
I too am loving Em’s project. Such a brilliant concept for keeping perspective. And Grace, you are doing a great job. Good on Dr Andrew for acknowledging it. We should all remind ourselves of efforts more often.
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Nathan says
We recently started seeing a new doctor. At first we were all worried that he would not understand all our problems, issues and background but he turned out to be great. We were very pleased and very relieved.
Nathan recently posted..Wil Wheaton Talks About Bullying
Denise says
Ahh what a lovely post Grace. We’re too hard on ourselves as mums. I think Emily’s project sounds like a great excuse to join Instagram (which I’ve threatened to do for ages). Great concept.
Denise recently posted..In the spotlight: Author, blogger, designer & life hack expert Kelly Exeter
Kirsty @ My Home Truths says
This is so true Grace. I had the same view of Gilbert’s dermatologist, calm yet impenetrable. There’s never any warmth and I always have this feeling of guilt about all the times Gilbert runs outside without a hat or sunscreen, even though he never says anything. However, he was so caring and helpful and generous when I experienced my TIA in his treatment room – I will never view him the same way again!
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Lauren @ Create bake make says
What a wonderful and special man to pass on the message to your husband. Our GP is great, it has taken awhile to find ‘the one’ though. He stays calm during the tantrums and still keeps a smile on his face. I am also loving #projectcalmdownmum and have found having written reminders scattered around the place has been really helpful. Have a great weekend lovely lady x
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Lisa (@lybliss) says
I love that they call him Dr Alice* !! That’s a mark of acceptance and approval.
I’ve read so many blog posts this week about judgment and perceived judgment. Each time it comes back to not assuming you know what the other person is thinking. (and not giving a crap if they are thinking nasty things). You are doing a great job, an awesome job. I’m pleased that Dr Alice No. 2 recognises it 🙂
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Pinky Poinker says
Who wouldn’t expect two little twin boys to be energetic and curious. You’re clearly doing a fantastic job Grace. If I saw twin boys sitting quietly in a corner or being extra obedient alarm bells would ring in my head!
Pinky Poinker recently posted..B is for Bunnies: What the heck do they have to do with Easter?
Mumabulous says
This is true for all aspects of life – not just parenting. On the whole people are more empathetic than we think. This theory goes out the window on the roads and in long queues.
Mumabulous recently posted..Wired
Emily says
Yep, we’re our own worst enemies in this whole judgement game. The so-called mummy wars are usually us warring with ourselves. Great post. Glad they like Dr Andrew. And YES, how good is #projectcalmdownmum? Yay for Em!
Emily recently posted..Perseverance (or what hanging out the washing with my son has taught me)
Sam Stone (@A Life on Venus) says
We have a favourite GP, Dr Cheryl….she is pregnant. Great for her, not for us. We will miss her a lot.
Yep love Em’s #projectcalmdownmum….in our house we also have #projectcalmdowndad too – it has really helped my Hubby and he feels better for it. xo
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Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
That is great news that he gets the boys seal of approval and now nice that Dr told you how awesome a mum you are. We aren’t told that enough I don’t – so rock on Mama G you’re doing a fab job.
A massive hug (which I will give you in person in 8 sleeps) for the humungous shout out – McLegend with cheese you are 🙂 xxxx
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted..Why I’m grinning like a love-struck teenager!
Psych Babbler says
I think sometimes we can be our own harshest critic — fuelled of course by society’s initial judgement. It’s wonderful when people notice the positives though — so validating for you! I’m glad he made the comment. Em’s project is so good because it normalises the difficulties…it helps everyone connect and realise you are not alone in this journey…that you are not alone with your thoughts. I think as a society in general, we all need to be more open about our imperfections because in the end, I like to think that that’s how we connect. 🙂
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Twitchy Sharon (@TwitchyCorner) says
Grace! I bet you got misty along with your gobsmacking. My boy was such a motorised whirlwind I used to joke he was twins in the one body. Beyond that was his difficulty with public places which couldn’t be avoided at all times, after all.
If anyone (who understood our situation) ever said anything vaguely encouraging about my parenting back then, after all the latent disapproval I was accustomed to, I’d have dissolved like a fountain xx
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Lee-Anne says
Having fun and being loud is NORMAL with kids. It’s such a pity people (parents included) forget what it’s like to be young and exuberant…
Projectcalmdown sounds brilliant (for all contingencies!) 🙂
Lee-Anne recently posted..I still have my marbles…
Ai Sakura says
You can take one of your brilliant videos of them playing doc and show Dr Alice when she’s back 🙂
You ARE doing a great job Mama Grace. Don’t forget that!
Ai Sakura recently posted..Preschool Kindergarten 1 | First Quarter Updates
Cybele says
It’s funny, whenever I get one of THOSE stares when wrangling an upset small person, I’m so tempted to say, ‘What? Have you never had a hissy fit about something?’ Maybe, it’s lucky I haven’t actually said it yet, because I might have been misinterpreting THAT stare. Another wonderful post x
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Mystery Case says
I’m sure you are doing a great job Grace and really the only people the only person that has any real right to judge you is yourself.
Thanks again for featuring at Agent Mystery Case this week. Lots of social media love headed your way.
Raych aka Mystery Case
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Kylie Purtell, A Study in Contradictions says
I hate ti when that happens! My fave hairdresser went on maternity leave and never came back. That was over two years ago and I still haven’t found a decent replacement!
I changed GPs are Zee was born, I was sick of the other one I went to that was super hard to get an appointment at and when you did you had to wait minimum an hour, somteimes up to 2 before you actually got seen. And the all the good doctors were always booked out, leaving you with the locum or other casual. I love our new GPs, they have a nice lady doctor who I really like and makes me feel really comfortable (plus she did my Pap test 6 weeks post-partum and I barely felt it, which is pretty good after a natural birth, she is definitely a keeper for that reason alone!) and they also have two really nice doctors with specialist training in child health, not to mention a lovely nurse who handles the immunisations. Plus the wait is minimal, never more than half an hour. I love it! So glad to finally find a decent lot of doctors after 15 years of looking!
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
We’re just so hard on ourselves aren’t we Grace? I love that your doctor took the time to let your husband know that you guys are doing a fabulous job with the boys.
Em’s project is certainly helping us all get some perspective. It’s so comforting seeing that we’re all basically in the same boat. xx
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Kate QTQF says
As mums, we can never hear that we are doing a good job enough! And to every husband’s chagrin, it always seems be more official when it comes from someone else. We haven’t had too much experience with doctors yet but I hope my boys have a positive experience like yours xx
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Kelly says
Love this – it’s hard to remember sometimes that people aren’t automatically judging! And I get the whole jumping around like a monkey in the doctor’s office! If only they would sit still for just 5 minutes!!! Hehehehe. 🙂
Kelly recently posted..Postnatal Depression
Bec @ The Plumbette says
Aw Grace, this was such a nice post to read. Sometimes we ourselves are too quick to judge what others think about our parenting! I have no doubt that you are an awesome mum and that you have had to practice a lot of patience with the twinions. I’ve enjoyed reading all the post it notes on Instagram about #projectcalmdownmum and they have been a great reminder to me in my own mothering journey. Hope you have a blessed weekend lovely. 🙂
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Eva @ The Multitasking Mummy says
I definitely have a favourite GP and I’m so glad we found her. When we moved house to a new suburb we had to find a new doctor and the first one we saw, well, he was not so good. Finally we met our current doctor and couldn’t be happier. I honestly couldn’t care what others are thinking about me or my son anymore, but I never used to be that way.
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lisa says
Well I already know you are a great mum-glad you got some reassurance from your new straight-laced GP! I really liked my GP too but now we have moved I will have to find a new one. Boo hoo. Emily’s project is a godsend-I can actually feel the blogging community coming together too, more comments, more interactions, more love for one another, rather than just the stats & page views things. Have a great weekend Mama Grace-you fantastic mum you!
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EssentiallyJess says
I had a grocery clerk who I’m sure thought I was the worst mum ever.
I don’t know if she did or not, but I hope she saw that I tried to do the right thing, even if it meant a tantrum in the chocolate aisle.
Glad Dr Andrew is such a top bloke. It’s a relief to know that people like him notice your hard work.
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Lisa says
Have you joined Emily’s #projectcalmdownmum? – only just found out about it, looking forward to joining in on the fun 🙂
When was the last time you were left gobsmacked? – when a family member whispered in my ear that I was raising my boys with manners, to be nice and caring. Gave me huge boost of confidence which I lack in with parenting!!
Do you have a Favorite GP? – Um no we don’t go to a GP like ever so I cant answer that question 🙂
And Grace I think you are a Great Mum, how do I know? Because you have a heart that cares deeply, and meeting you I could tell straight away that your sweet twin boys will be charming xxx
Lisa recently posted..Since He Was Home
Toni @ Finding Myself Young says
So true, its all about perspective! When bub is being a cheeky bum when I’m trying to dress her or change her I sometimes just allow myself to be silly along with her and enjoy the fun instead of getting frustrated.
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Carolyn @ Champagne Cartel says
Great perspective, Grace! And I’m loving Em’s work with Project Calm Down Mum. I keep mentally reminding myself to buy post-its so I can join in but so far that hasn’t worked out so well. One day soon, I hope. Until then, I shall draw inspiration from all you lovelies.
I often think, even those people that give us a stern looking stare when we are out with unruly kids – they may not be thinking bad things either. Sometimes if I am out without the kids, I find myself watching others – and sometimes with my resting bitchface on. 🙂
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Seana - Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel says
Lovely, lovely post, what a soul warming story… and that doctor is a good one, to pass that message one. Young kids are a bloody handful, but rewarding. And I love #projectcalmdownmum.. cos all I ever want is to be calm in the day. Have a good weekend.
Rita @ The Crafty Expat says
Your twins are so beautiful Grace. And, from the eye of an outsider like me, wow, they grown up so much since I’ve been following you almost two years ago now! You are a wonderful mother!
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Bree Daniels says
The best Model is
Inga C.
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