Waking up on the morning of my 45th birthday, I wasn’t sure what to feel. Do I celebrate? Commiserate? Do I look back with regret in what I haven’t yet achieved? Do I look forward in fear with the thought of growing even older?
Then my boys jumped into bed with us and it was time up for deep morbid thoughts.
The day was pretty much like any other, except perhaps for the steady flow of awesome birthday messages on Facebook.
There are a few topics my husband and I light heartedly disagree and one is the authenticity of Facebook friends.
“How sincere is a short birthday message on Facebook?” he argues.
“Why assume that it’s nothing short of sincerity? They don’t have to send anything, if they don’t want ” is my comeback.
We happily agree to disagree.
I headed to the gym where I was greeted with lots of well wishes from the personal trainers and other clients. My PT even pumped up Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday” to get into the festive spirit (and yet, to torture me again).
And because I could easily be the same age of most of these trainer’s mothers, there’s this inner desire to prove myself.
In the midst of high energy punching, boxing and kicking, my sweaty face looked up at my trainer and between hurried breaths, I muttered:
“45 and badass”
So that’s how I’m approaching my 45th year on this earth, with uncompromising and relentless baddassery.
Like most women, I am not one that comes to the mid 40’s table without my fair share of battle scars, remnants of relationship breakdowns and struggles with letting shit go.
I’ve been completely broke – financially and emotionally -in a foreign country and still somehow managed to survive.
Despite all the health scares and the high risks throughout, my body made it through giving birth to two lives.
All those Facebook messages are the makeup of who I am today. Each person who took their time (no matter how brief, no matter how convenient Facebook makes it) to just congratulate me for another year, all hold some significance in my journey to get to the badass I am today.
And for that I am grateful. And for that I say, “45? Bring it”
Tell me, what makes you badass?
1. Follow With Some Grace.
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