There’s a particular song in our weekly music class when Tim the teacher asks the students what’s their favourite food or drink. He then incorporates their chosen word and rhymes it with another into the tune.
If a child calls out “banana” he sings:
“A banana sitting on a railway track,
Feeling rather groovy,
Along came the train down the track.
Toot! Toot!
And now, it’s a banana smoothie”
Cheesy, but you know, kinda cute.
The other day, it was little Nunu’s turn to say his favourite drink.
“Susu !!!” he shouted in a loud, confident voice.
Tim suddenly stopped playing the guitar and along with the other mothers in the class, gave me a puzzled look.
“Um, he just said ‘milk’ in Indonesian…” I replied, almost in a whisper.
Tim tried to finish off the song but he was stumped. What could possibly rhyme with “susu” ?
Thanks to my cocoa brown skin, I don’t go red when embarrassed. But I don’t know why the little incident made me somewhat uncomfortable. Maybe it was all that unnecessary attention.
Perhaps it just took me by surprise. Still. That’s lame.
After all, at home we’ve made a massive effort introducing the boys to Indonesian. From the moment they were born, I sang to them the same nursery rhymes my mother taught me. Mr Surfer tracked down an Asian Children’s Bookshop on-line and we found that Bob the Builder speaks a bit of Indo too! They even boogie away to an Indonesian children’s songs CD that I downloaded from iTunes.
As I was driving back home from class, I started thinking about how I needed to change my attitude.
And I realized that being raised bi-culturally matters just as much outside as it does within the safe walls of home and family.
Whether it be at the playground or with their friends and teachers, if the boys decide to demonstrate or talk about their mixed heritage, that can only be positive reinforcements towards self-confidence. To take pride and dare to be different.
And it starts with my little boy not caring a drop that his favourite drink indeed isn’t milk but “Susu”.
Yet, I look back on my days as a migrant kid. How I loathed speaking in Indonesian. It irked me when, amongst a group of Caucasian Aussie friends, mum and dad would break out into what other’s would’ve heard something similar to little 125 CC scooters with broken mufflers.
“Aaaah, ring-a-ding-ding-diiiiiing !!!”
“Gee, Grace, your parents speak funny.”
So went the conversations.
Maybe that’s where the embarrassment stems from – all those years of being noticeably “strangely different”.
Interestingly though, not too long ago, I gave a Japanese mum a very different opinion.
Bumping into her at a local playground, I asked if she spoke to her 3 and 1 year old in Japanese. She told me it was limited to the surroundings of their home.
The rule was to stick to English when it came to the playground, fearing that others around might find it rude to hear a foreign language.
I distinctly remember telling her not to be so worried. We’re in a multi-cultural society here, I boasted.
But I was soon eating my own words.
Shame on me.
No longer can I keep listening to the abashed migrant girl within because there’s now a mother holding so much pride and elation for her two precious boys.
It’s time to celebrate, embrace and most importantly, encourage what my culturally diverse children have to offer.
P.S K-Bear, the other twin, is just as talkative in Indonesian…he just hates music class.
How do you teach your children to embrace differences ?
Née says
Based on your childhood experiences, it isn’t surprising that you feel the way you do. But you are right. You should be proud. On a purely developmental level, you have given your children a beautiful gift teaching them two languages. Oh and Nunu is such a cutie bum 🙂
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mamagrace71 says
Thanks, Nee!
I always knew (even way before I had children) that I was going to make a concerted effort to raise my children bilingual. I guess it’s taken me by surprise how quickly they’ve picked it up. That can only be a good thing, right ? 😉
kirri says
It’s interesting isn’t it, because I’ve often wished that my kids would break out in another language and used to pester my hubby to speak more French so that our kids would too. We have some fluent Spanish family so at the moment my girls think that every ‘foreign’ sounding language is Spanish and that can be a little embarrassing.
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mamagrace71 says
That’s so cute !
Mr Surfer wants me to dedicate a whole day every week to only speak Indonesian. I kept saying that it was going to be a huge challenge and I was going to feel like I was talking to a brick wall. The boys have proven that even without spending a whole day speaking Indo, they’ve pretty much soaked up everything I’ve already taught them. So much for that brick wall! 🙂
Ai Sakura says
Aww it’s so cute how he pronounces Susu! 🙂 Yes be proud Mama Grace… And you aren’t only bilingual, but trilingual too! And being multi-lingual is a real asset especially when traveling, working, breaking down barriers with others etc.
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mamagrace71 says
Haha, thanks Ai! I haven’t told you that I read Japanese books to the boys too and they love them – “Kingyo ga nigeta” and “Darumasan ga”. So yes, I try to teach them some Nihongo too!
I can’t wait to take them to Japan.
That’s so true about how much an asset being multi-lingual is. I think that’s why I loved being in Japan so much because I was already exposed to another language and another culture from the day I was born 🙂
carmen says
Definitely hold your head up Grace! I wish my parents and grandparents had taught us to speak our language as children. My nan would natter in Manderin and I always wanted to be able to understand her. Alas it wasn’t carried on. I grew up in an Italian community so I know more of that and am delighted that all of my children have learnt the basics of it and enjoy it. It doesn’t change the lack of learning or mother tongue from birth though. xx
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mamagrace71 says
Thank you, Carmen! That’s just it isn’t it ? To try and keep it carried onto the next generation.
Just the fact that your children are exposed to another language, culture and community – that’s amazing. I also think it will play a huge part in their acceptance and respect for others later in life.
Lyndal says
What incredible children you have!! You aren’t lame, and nor do I feel that you should beat yourself up – just like everyone else you are learning, and growing in your identity and addressing things that your whole childhood you were taught in whatever way to do, or not to do! Thats no ones fault, it is what it is. I think your kidlets are incredibly blessed to not only have such an intelligent mama, but also one who is so open and honest in her growth and her journey xx
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mamagrace71 says
Thanks so much, Lyndal! It’s forever a learning process, isn’t it ? It’s just so amazing how much my boys are teaching me.
Tat says
I actually feel quite pleased and proud when my children drop a Bulgarian word here and there, but then I haven’t been through what you’ve been through growing up. I think the easiest way to teach them about differences is to accept them as part of our lives – oh, sorry the hot water tank just let a whole lot of water out, I will have to deal with it and finish later
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mamagrace71 says
“To accept them as part of our lives…” Perfectly said, Tat!
It’s interesting you know, I don’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed when I speak in Japanese. I think it’s just in my head what speaking Indonesian in a public place means to me…or the background behind it. I’ll get over it. The more I see my boys speak it and enjoy speaking it, the more I’ll be more comfortable in what it’s all about.
Yvette Pointon says
I think it was fabulous that your son said SuSu! I think your teacher should have turned to him and asked what is SuSu? Or what does SuSu taste like. Instead of making you and probably others around you uncomfortable!!
I would love my children to have a 2nd language and be able to have conversations with others in the playground! My Mother in Law uses some French words when we visit her like greeting us with a Bonjior etc, while my dad teaches them japanese words.
I hope the experience doesnt discourage your son to feel ashamed about his heritage and continue learning his 2nd language!
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mamagrace71 says
Interesting point, Yvette. Maybe that’s what the teacher should’ve said. I guess he was just taken aback by it all as much as I was 🙂
The boys seem to have a real interest in Indonesian so I’m really happy about that. As long as I keep teaching them to be proud of their background, I think we’ll be fine.
Does your dad know Japanese ? That’s very cool. And your MIL’s French too!
Jess says
Wah! Post ini bagus sekali!
And that’s about all I can remember right now!
I think it’s great that they speak a bit of Indo. I ocassionally say something to the kids in Indonesian (I used to be quite fluent it, but haven’t spoken it for years), and they just shake their heads at me. Nut now they are learning it at school and Taylah quite likes that I can help her out ith a few words.
This post makes me want to learn it again. *sigh*
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mamagrace71 says
Waduh, Jess! Lancar sekali!
That’s so awesome you can speak Indo! That’s great that Taylah likes it too! I guess Bahasa is a big language to learn in Darwin schools ? Being so close to Indo ? There’s probably a big Indo community too.
Michelle @ Blundermum says
We don’t speak a second language at home, but I’ll often teach my girls snippets of other languages. At the moment, my 5yo likes to entertain her fellow preps with french greetings and departures. If nothing else, the kids in the music class learned a new word.
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mamagrace71 says
Ha! So true, Michelle! I think the kids and the mums learned a new word 🙂
So nice your 5 year old is into French! It’s amazing how much kids soak up other languages!
Fiona says
Sorry to hear you felt that way. But at least you’ve identified it now!
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mamagrace71 says
Yup, very true! It’s all good 🙂
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right says
I love hearing kids speaking in two languages. I love the way they slip so easily in and out of their different languages. I would definitely be celebrating it, but I’ve not grown up with your experience so of course it’s easy for me to say that.
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mamagrace71 says
Yes, it’s amazing when kids do that. I think I’ve always celebrated the fact that they’re picking up Indo…it just catches me by surprise when they use it outside home and with people who don’t really know my background.
I also speak Japanese and I love speaking it in public. There are no issues. I guess it’s just the background of what speaking Indonesian has meant – the days of being migrants in a foreign country.
Carly says
I could learn a lesson myself from your post. We are currently living and working in the Middle East. On a daily basis my family is surrounded be numerous cultures but when I hear my little Aussie daugher shout out across the playground with her Australian accent, I almost cringe. It sounds so harsh and dare I say it like a bad movie accent. Perhaps I need to shake this off and embrace our Aussieness instead.
(can I admit to being a teeny tiny bit jealous of the beautiful french accents on children, is there anything sweeter?)
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mamagrace71 says
Embrace it, Carly! Embrace it!!!
Think of it as your little girl is contributing to the big multi-cultural pot!
And yes…how cute are those French accents ???!!!
Mum of Adult Kids says
All I can say is, I wish I was bi-lingual!
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mamagrace71 says
Ha! It definitely has its advantages 😉
Deb @ Bright & Precious says
I’m so interested in your perspective, Grace. We have a lot in common (Indo-wise) – but we’re kind of mirror opposites (if that makes sense). I came back from Indo feeling very proud of my adopted heritage. My family has celebrated it too. But I’m not brown skinned or a migrant – so I hadn’t considered how this would be different to you. I can imagine that growing up here you may have mixed feelings about it. I hope you feel free to fully embrace it now. It’s something to be very proud of! I long to meet up with you and talk Indo some more. My kids may not know as many Indo words as yours, but would be fun for them to meet too! (PS I’m coming to Sydney – watch out! – I’ll email you!). Also, this reminds me that I was about to send you a video of my girl singing ‘Nina Bobo’ when she was 2yo – I rediscovered it on the weekend and thought of you! (I’ll send it via FB).
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mamagrace71 says
“Mirror opposites” – I think you’re onto something there, Deb. I really love how I’ve connected with you because (whether you realise this or not), you’ve been a friend that’s really helped me embrace both sides to my life: my Indo-ness and my Aussie-ness. I don’t know if I told you this, but I actually cried tears of joy when you first found my blog and made a comment on my post about my Indo family. Lurve.
I would love to see your little girl sing Nina Bobo. This is so the stuff I want to celebrate. Take such pride in. Oh, my heart is swelling right now as I type this.
Yes! Definitely let me know when you’re in town. Ready and waiting, my friend x
Becky from BeckyandJames.com says
I would say it’s understandable, how you reacted, but that you are so right to decide to no longer listen. I think it’s amazing that they can speak two languages, that they can understand two different cultures. I used to work with a little girl who would speak a sentence peppered with french and english. It was amazing and I always wanted my children to be bi-lingual, unfortunately, both my husband and I only speak english.
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mamagrace71 says
Thanks for your beautiful comment, Becky. You’ve definitely encouraged me to stay proud and just to be excited with what my boys are learning.
The beauty about our world today is that there are so many resources and opportunities for our children to learn another culture and language. Maybe down the track, your children will take it up as an interest.
I took up Japanese in university – ended up living there for almost 8 years…The Japanese culture, the language and its people have become a huge part of my life.
edenland says
“Abashed migrant girl within” .. oh Grace that made my heart lurch!
If I was there and I heard “susu” I would have used the stop in proceedings to ohh and ahh about how cool it was to learn a new word from a different language. Easy for me to say, I know . but I mean it. I hope to teach my kids – any kids, to embrace different cultures and people.
Love to you XX
mamagrace71 says
I guess it was just one of those awkward moments where everything was going humdrum then oops! My little one decided to throw a spanner in the works 😉
But seriously. To hear that you’ll actively teach your children to embrace other cultures and people means so much to me. It starts with us, doesn’t it ?
Love back to you xx
Caz Makepeace says
I think its awesome that you are bi-lingual. I’m turning red from the shame of not being able to string a sentence together in another language. It makes you so interesting and cool. You definitely do need to own it.
It does make me sad though how it might not be so welcomed by other people.
I have a lovely Mexican man writing a guest post for our travel site. He was worried about his English in the piece, and while it did understandably need polishing, I was so impressed that he could even write in English in the first place- and a travel piece at that!!
I would love for the girls to be bi-lingual. You are giving your children such a gift
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mamagrace71 says
Thanks, Caz! The more the boys are speaking and understanding Indo, the more self-confident I am. I can’t help but burst with pride when I see them take such an interest. For all those years of being different, what I see today with my children, makes it all worth it 🙂
Bridget says
My two cents, for what it’s worth. Raising bilingual kids who embrace their culture is not only smart, but important. In Florida where I grew up I was always surrounded by Puerto Ricans and Cubans. I loved it. Even now I still say a few of the slang Spanish words and make food I learned from my best friends family. They always took the time to talk to me, in English, and explain what was going on:) Think of it as not only a gift you give your kids, but their friends and their friends families too.
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mamagrace71 says
Only you my friend, can think of yet another beautiful positive. I hadn’t thought abut their friends and their friends’ families.
One of my best friends in high school was Italian. I soaked all this Italian (as she with Indonesian). We were a match made in heaven. I still remember some Italian 😉
So nice to learn from others but also have it embedded in your life.
ava says
You are doing great Grace-ie! I am trying to teach a second-language to my two daughters too! I believe it’s a roundabout way of making the world smaller and making connections easier regarless of race, color, the continent we live in! 🙂 Way to go Mama Grace! 🙂
xoxo
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mamagrace71 says
Thank you, Ava! I am so sure that your gorgeous girls are going to be just as fluent as their intelligent and witty Mama.
Wouldn’t it be cool if your girls and my boys ended up being bloggy friends too ??!!! 🙂
Lisa says
I loved reading this post. I grew up using a bit of AUSLAN due to hearing difficulties and so am trying to teach what little I remember to my 2year old daughter.
I believe that imbracing and celebrating our differences is important. I think it is wonderful that you are teaching your children about your heritage aswell.
I love hearing the different languages spoken when I am out at shops etc. I encourage my daughter to interact with other children who are different to us “white” folk, as I want her to know that we are all the same on the inside- God just gave us all different wrappers.
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mamagrace71 says
Thanks for your beautiful comments, Lisa!
“God just gave us all different wrappers” – what a great way to teach children about embracing differences!
Catherine Rodie Blagg @CoTaaB says
One of the things I love about Australia is that it is so culturally diverse! I grew up in an English village where anyone remotely ‘different’ stood out like a sore thumb. I feel blessed to be bringing up my girls in a place where ‘differences’ are ‘normal’ xx
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mamagrace71 says
It’s nice that Australia is still a young country and is striving to be a multi-cultural country. Although I didn’t feel it so much as I was growing up, I’m hoping that my boys will be growing up in a much more progressive society. There’s a lot of hope and potential…
Lee says
It’s understandable that you would feel that way Grace. We are not a perfect society and no-one expects you to be perfect either. You are so not lame, and I agree that the teacher could have made more of a learning experience of it for all of the children.
I was quite blown away by Miss nearly 4 this week when she announced to me that she wanted “to go to India and wear a bari (sic) and put one of those dots on my forehead”. Living in a country town, there aren’t a lot of people who wear traditional Indian dress. A couple of days later she was watching High 5 and there it was, Lauren dressed in a sari and dancing!
Anyway, that aside I am very conscious of raising my children to embrace differences and that how we do things isn’t the norm – we are all difference but same. xx
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Lee says
It’s understandable that you would feel that way Grace. We are not a perfect society and no-one expects you to be perfect either. You are so not lame, and I agree that the teacher could have made more of a learning experience of it for all of the children.
I was quite blown away by Miss nearly 4 this week when she announced to me that she wanted “to go to India and wear a bari (sic) and put one of those dots on my forehead”. Living in a country town, there aren’t a lot of people who wear traditional Indian dress. A couple of days later she was watching High 5 and there it was, Lauren dressed in a sari and dancing!
Anyway, that aside I am very conscious of raising my children to embrace differences and that how we do things isn’t the norm – we are all different but same. xx
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mamagrace71 says
Oh, Lee! That really makes me so excited to hear your little girl’s story!
You know, when I first moved to Canberra (over 30 years ago!) it was pretty much a small country town with very little idea about different cultures and migrants. So, it really is just beautiful to hear that in your small town, a little girl knows and is aware of a country like India and its differences.
Here’s to continuing to teach our children that we are all indeed different, but the same x
Kate @ Our Little Sins says
Funny how we all have different perspectives. I would LOVE if my children had mixed heritage and a second language. They are fourth generation Aussie… The only languages we could possibly teach them are ‘poorly-accented-high-school-French’ or ‘always-hungover-so-didn’t-learn-much-university-Russian’. Embrace it. Speak to them in Indonesian in public and at home. Teach their friends and your friends about the language and culture. Cook them Indonesian food. Read them folk tales. Let them gain that part of who they are before they lose it. If they’re not interested when they’re older, at least you did your job.
My grandmother forbade my grandfather from speaking German with his children and it wasn’t until after he died that we found out he could even speak German. It upset my mum and her brothers – they had no idea, and they missed out on so much because my grandmother didn’t want anyone knowing or thinking they were different. Sigh.
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mamagrace71 says
That’s a really interesting story about your grandparents, Kate. It’s amazing that people can keep so hush about their background to the point their own children don’t know about it.
I’m certainly proud of my heritage and background. Us Indo’s can kinda be “in yer face” so the boys have been exposed to it all from the moment they were born. I guess I’m still weary about how others react because of what I went through during my children.
But, I can only be strong and confident for my boys. If they see that in me, then they’ll embrace it all too. x
salz says
I would really love for my kids to learn more arabic words. But I can only teach them so much as I speak english 98% of the time. My inlaws and mum speak to the kids in arabic and they sort of understand it. I can speak it but I get nervous and will fuck it up most of the time and people will laugh at how I said this one word that means something totally different. So now I speak half half. So what ever words I don’t know in arabic I say it in english. I don’t think I could do a whole day of speaking arabic. In my head it sounds right but when I go to say it I fuck it up.
My kids know a couple of words here and their like bottle, washing, dishes, lounge area, sink and a couple of others. I really should teach them more words that I know So that they get the gist of some conversations or questions or directions that the inlaws give the children without giving a blank stare at me to say “translate please mum”.
They did go to arabic school but they don’t teach them the everyday type of talk they teach them the formal talk that not a lot of people speak these days. They know some of the alphabet in arabic.
But yeah don’t be to embarrassed about them saying other words in your language its good for them to know these things cause later on you will regret not teaching them more like me.
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mamagrace71 says
I know what you mean about being nervous about speaking it and making mistakes.
My parents laugh at my mistakes all the time. But I don’t care. I’d rather make the mistakes instead of them not hearing any Indo at all.
But I’m also buying a lot of children’s books and CD’s so that I can also learn stuff (or try to remember) things that I didn’t know.
That’s great your kids go to Arabic school! I know it’s a pain to learn all that formal stuff because that might put them off from learning conversational Arabic, but keep at it. At least you’re making an effort for them.
I wonder if there’s an Indonesian school…
Carla says
My husband and I often lament that in a world full of bilingual people, Australia seems to be one of the few countries where we only speak one. I think teaching your boys is second language is the most amazing gift and one that I wish I had! My dad is a migrant but never bothered to teach us Italian….something I have always regretted. BTW, my son learns Indonesian at kinder and loves it!! He comes home and talks to me in Indonesian and then looks at me like I am crazy when I don’t understand!!!
mamagrace71 says
It is a little sad that here in Australia we don’t embrace other languages like we should – not even the different indigenous and Aboriginal ones.
How awesome that your son is learning Indo. It bought a little tear of joy to my eyes reading that. If he comes home with some strange words…come and ask me! I’ll translate for you 🙂
Pink Ronnie says
Thanks for this post Grace.
I’ve been wavering again recently but really do hope I can pass on some Cantonese to my boys…. wish me luck!
Ronnie xo
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mamagrace71 says
It’s all about being persistent, Ronnie. I thought I was talking (and singing) to 2 brick walls for the longest time! But all of a sudden…they started forming all these words on their own accord.
I just sent you an email about a couple of hints/games you can use.
But am also in the process of writing a post.
You’ll get there !!! xxx
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