When we first confirmed our holiday plans a few weeks ago, Mr Surfer told me that these days, robbers and house burglers read blogs as a means to find the next place to strike.
Well dudes, you’ll only find a half functional Thomas train set, a mountain pile of dirty nappies and pee-stained carpet over here. Go for your life.
In preparation for our first overseas trip comes the painstaking process of getting passports done.
The bureacreacy, the paper shuffling – all of it can drive any details adverse person nuts.
The greatest dilemma of all of course, were the actual photos.
Particularly for toddlers, the Australian Passport Office requirements are so unrealistic, they are laughable. Well, unless you’re the unlucky parent trying to fulfil them. No one’s finding it funny then.
No smiling is allowed. Keep mouth shout, infact. White background only. Nothing lower than the shoulders. Not too much space above the head.
Off we trotted to the photographer’s, oblivious to how much commotion it was going to cause.
At first, the twinlets were excited about being in a new little shop, full of interesting machinery and pictures.
Then, a big tall scary man with huge lobe earrings and a big black device wrapped around his neck came walking towards them.
No wonder they were petrified.
And there was no way in hell they were keeping still in front of a white background.
How confusing it must’ve been for them when after all these years of teaching them the association between a camera and a sweet smile, we suddenly commanded, “Don’t smile! No! No, keep still! Like this!!!”
Of course, trying to get them to pose like tin soliders was futile. What were we thinking?
I can count the number of times my husband has lost his cool. This failed photo shoot took up all the fingers on my right hand.
Infact, always the even keel Mr Surfer dropped the F-bomb. And for him to do that infront of a complete stranger carrying the camera added extra weight to the entire dire situation.
We decided to break the tension and walked out sans passport photos, completely defeated.
Thinking that perhaps the twinlets just needed some sustanance (and we needed to get our own shizz together), we went for a walk up the block. Plonking ourselves on the footpath, we fed the little stubborn munchkins some vegemite sambos.
Half an hour later, stomachs were full and moods were a little brighter, we headed back into the photo shop.
But nope. Another epic fail.
Screams, tears, scary photographers with massive ears.
Just wasn’t happening.
Mr Surfer dropped another F-Bomb.
Later that afternoon, as my camera adverse twinlets took their nap, I decided to go to my oracle Facebook for answers and asked if anyone knew the secret to perfect toddler passport photography.
Among the success (and not so successful) stories provided by Toddlers on Tour, Silly Mummy and iSophie, there was Rachel from The Kids Are All Right those who suggested that we “Find a friendly and patient Officeworks who will take the photos.” On the other hand, Renee´from Nee´Say had a quick and easy solution with “Phenergen and a white sheet.”
Then along came my friend, Jen who came up with the ingenious idea to do it the “baby way” – spread out a white sheet, lie the wriggly rug rats on the floor and take the photo from above.
And yes! It was a success…even if their hair did look like it was defying gravity.
Or we nearly blinded them with the flash…
Nevertheless folks, that’s how a passport photo of your tornado toddler is taken with the guarantee that all government documents and papers will be approved. I think…
Let’s just go on that bloody holiday already!
Joining in with the fabulous Jess for IBOT