It’s started.  The television is constantly hammering us with advertisements for “quick weight loss deals” and “exercise offers”.  Suddenly, we are all too aware that the new year is fast approaching and the coinciding message is loud and clear:  Start the year by committing to making some life-changes.  Get a head-start for self-improvement goals.  Make that list of New Year’s resolutions.

So, last night, I thought I would give it a whirl and started my schedule for 2011. After giving it some contemplation, I managed to include the usual “house-cleaning” items.  You know the kind:  “The must do less/gotta do more” type of agendas.

Here are some examples:

• Eat less crap unhealthy foods/Lose more weight
• Spend less time watching all the trashy shows on Channel 9 and 10 TV/ Read more books
• Do more exercise/Spend less time watching Modern Family episodes on DVD while eating a bag of Salt and Vinegar chips being a couch potato

I read through my list and although I wasn’t completely satisfied with it, I figured it was just a “draft” and had plans to complete it the next day.

Putting the list aside, I just wanted to retire to my bed, anyway.  Having spent the past 3 days at Nulla Nanna‘s place for Christmas, the boys had been unsettled throughout the evenings.  Between them, they had woken up at least a dozen times each night.  Thus, leaving both Hubby and I completely exhausted.

Thinking that they just needed to be back in the comfort of their own cots, I was relishing in the hope that we would all finally get a good night’s sleep.  I couldn’t have been any more wrong.

Within an hour, we woke up to Little N’s restless cry.  He had a fever.  As I tried to comfort the little munchkin in my arms, feeling his warm little body in the dark and facing another sleepless night, I started thinking about my little list again.

If resolutions were about setting up and ticking off year-long goals or to start and successfully achieve projects to better oneself;  Motherhood was surely the other extreme.

Since becoming a mother, tasks were not only never-ending, they were never fully- completed.  I could never seem to reach that box and give it a big tick of satisfied accomplishment.

As an occupation, motherhood is like painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge from one end to the other.  It would take forever to paint the entire structure. When you finally get to the end of the bridge, the paint would have worn out and you have to start all over again.  I am reminded of this metaphor each time I look at the bottomless laundry basket or the kitchen sink that is constantly full of dirty dishes and baby bottles.  Don’t even get me started on the smelly, always-full-to the-brim nappy bin.

I know it’s not just me that has these feelings of “incompleteness”.  When discussing what motherhood meant to her, my oldest friend from high school asked me, “You know how at the end of a working day, you finish your “Things-To-Do” list and you’ve accomplished everything you had set out to do ?  And there’s a true sense of satisfaction when you leave the office because your desk is tidy and clear of paperwork ?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Well, at home with the kids, I never feel that way,” she shrugged.

I rest my case.

I wish you all lots of love, laughter and all the big ticks for 2011.