Squinting hard to see the humour,
But the deep haze of exhaustion heavily camouflages it.
It’s not so much even the search for self-worth,
But the need to find a true identity.
Priorities fixed and focused on all the external surroundings,
While the insides of a soul is in its own dire need of sanctity and repair.
Hearing repeatedly that all these hardships are only temporary,
Yet wondering why the heavy bulks of lethargy stay fixed in time.
When the weary head finally rests on that pillow,
Falling into a deep subconsciousness,
That can no longer catch the random thoughts of the wandering, restless mind.
Soaking in the silent acceptance,
Releasing a deep internal sigh,
It’s just been one of those days.
I wrote this a couple of months ago, with no intention to publish it.
But I found it again in my drafts folder and while these words don’t depict how I feel today, I know the sentiments portrayed are relevant to this “chapter” in my life.
I’ve decided to post it as a reminder to myself that, while life in its entirety goes through ebbs and flows, these early stages of motherhood are just dog gone plain tough.
Maybe if I just resort to the SAHM isolation, the sleep deprivation, the all consuming toddler tantrums, then I won’t be so emotionally spent.
Accept that for the time being, my patience will constantly be tested to almost explosive extremes; the frustration will come close to breaking me.
Perhaps, it’s just about pushing through the trials and tribulations as best as my own capacity allows.
By resigning to the difficulties, I am in fact giving myself a break.
Joining in with Jess for IBOT.