Circa. 1972 (?), this photo was taken when we were still in Indonesia.
The toddler with the full head of hair is yours truly. Dad’s either making me eat that unidentifiable object I have in my hand or he’s trying to wipe grit off my face and what I’m holding is actually a cloth. Knowing the grot in me, it was the latter.
Obviously it was our kitchen but who took it? I have no idea. Thank goodness their big fat finger didn’t completely ruin the picture.
That jovial lady in the background? Whom I seem to be staring at, is actually not my mother.
She was the other woman, Bibi Koya.
Koya was her name and Bibi is a term meaning “nanny”
Well, actually, it was a lose term because she was much more than that.
Living with us, she cooked and cleaned but above all, she was family.
Having been employed by my mum when my eldest brother was born, Bibi Koya stayed right up with us until we left for Australia. So, we’re looking at approximately 15 years of faithful service.
15 years of raising us 3 kids, while her own children and family were back in her hometown village, 4 hours outside of Jakarta.
When we left Indonesia, my aunty employed Bibi Koya so I was fortunate to still see her whenever I went back.
With each visit though, she was becoming weaker. Heavy set and with bad knees, she would shuffle around the kitchen, constantly wiping sweat off her face with her sarong.
In her spare time, she sat at the bottom of the stairs located between the kitchen and dining room, chewing away on beetle nut, staining her lips bright red turning her into a strange-looking clown. When she was done, she’d spit it out in her little tin container. It might sound gross but gee, I would watch her, completely fascinated.
She knew much more about our early childhood than what my mother did.
“Your eldest brother didn’t eat meat.”
She picked his vegetarian habits even back then.
“Your other brother only ate bread and drank milk.”
Nothing has changed.
“You, Grace. You ate EVERYTHING! And you would sing and dance while doing it”
God, this woman was spot on!
Each time I saw her, she would say how much more “Western” I’d become; that there was nothing of the Indonesian left in me. Words that would completely rile me up!
Partly because I knew she was right but mostly because I wished she wasn’t.
During the last time I saw Bibi Koya, she cried and cried as I packed my bags.
She told me not to forget my Indonesian nor my heritage and background.
A couple of years later, while living in Japan, dad called up to tell me that my aunty tried to visit Bibi Koya at her village but sadly she wasn’t there. Bibi Koya had passed away.
I wish I had the chance to say goodbye; to tell her how important and special she was to our family.
I’d also let her know that my Indo is perhaps scratchy but when it comes to remembering my roots, I’m doing okay.
Joining in the lovely ladies at The Lounge today for this weeks’ topic: “My Favourite Photograph”
Thanks to Tegan at Musings of the Misguided for hosting!
Cranky Old Man says
Well done, very touching!
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Robomum says
Tears are pricking at my eyes! What a strong and beautiful woman!
I can totally see how what she would say about you becoming westernised would upset you, it upsets me when my parents say that my Greek language skills are poor, even though I try.
I feel the same undeniable pull with my heritage. It’s such an important piece of us.
I love this post. XXX
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Emily @ Have a laugh on me says
How very sweet is that story, so sad when we don’t get the chance to say goodbye, however I’m sure Bibi Koya knew in her heart how much she meant to you all. What a gorgeous slice of history to share Grace – Em x
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Jacana says
Thanks for sharing this story Grace, it pulled at my heart strings. How amazing it must have been to have such incredible memories of such a special woman.
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Tegan says
A beautiful story to accompany a beautiful picture.
Thanks for sharing with us at The Lounge
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Sarah @ Slapdash Mama says
Oh Grace.
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Toni @ Finding Myself Young says
What a beautiful story and I love candid shots like this. Such a great memory for you of your childhood.
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natalia familia says
That is a beautiful story, actually just the photo itself tells a story. It’s a beauty. xx
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kirri says
You’re quite the story-teller G. I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t have a chance for a final farewell – but from the look on her face in the photo – it looks like she felt a whole bunch of love for you xx
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Nikki@WonderfullyWomen says
I had an amazing ‘Aunty’ Audrey, a nanny that became a as close to a family member as you can get. Precious memories for you! 🙂
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Lisa Wood says
How incredible your childhood sounds – they say it takes a “Community” to raise a child – and I do believe that having more than Mum/Dad Figure to look up to is good 🙂
Love the photo, and I am sure Bibi Koya knew how much you loved her xxx
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Becci Birdy Num Num says
Beautiful story, Grace. It’s lovely to hear memories of your childhood from someone other than your parents. My mother’s best friend had many stories of when we were young in NZ, unfortunately she passed away without me having the chance to get more stories about Mum. It’s a shame when that whole generation is gone and any memories are gone forever. xx
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Oculus Mundi says
This was very moving. Thank you for sharing.
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Sabeen says
Beautiful story Grace and sorry you never got a chance to say goodbye to Bibi Koya. On a lighter note, I can relate so much to this – we have a similar lady who was employed by my mum about 12 years ago, now in her early 30’s she still lives with my parents and is like a member of the family. She will ask often when we would come back for a visit next , she will play with my children like her own and cook us our favourite meals when we visit. She will even videobomb when I speak to mum and dad on Skype. She may move on one day, start a family of her own but we know she will remain in our hearts always just like Bibi Koya 🙂
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Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me says
What a lovely story and such beautiful memories. Thanks for sharing.
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Jodie@FreshHomeCook says
What a wonderful story Grace. Bibi Koya sounds like an extraordinary woman. The photo captures so much joy on her face – & what a lovely memory for you! Thanks for sharing & hosting FYBF as always. 🙂
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Kim @Fallling Face First says
Love this story – and it’s sad you never had the chance to say goodbye, but it’s likely Bibi Koya knew how very much she meant to you and your family. Someone who’s been that much a part of your lives is bound to you forever I think, even when your lives move you apart. Beautiful photo.
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Leanne Winter says
Lovely post, Grace. Bibi Koya was obviously a very special person in your life. I’m sure she knew how much you obviously loved her.
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Danya Banya says
What a lovely memory. I’m sure she enjoyed being a part of your life as much as you enjoyed her being a part of yours. xx
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Katyberry says
This is a really beautiful post. I don’t have anything to compare it to, but my husband grew up in South Africa and apparently the gardener and housekeeper were like a second mum and dad.
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Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
Grace, how lovely for you to have these special memories. And that photo is one you’ll treasure forever xx
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Emily says
Beautiful – I also was lucky enough to grow up with a wonderful lady who became part of our family, when I was living in Brunei we had a Philipina ahmah, Nita. What an amazing and hardworking lady, and we loved her to pieces. She very sadly passed away during a terrible earthquake some years after she retired to the Philippines, and I hope that she knew how important she was to us kids and my mum. Thanks for sharing!
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Alex says
Beautiful!
As others have said, I’m sure she knew just how dearly you all thought of her. As you say, she was family.
Rachel says
Oh Grace that is such a gorgeous photo. I also love the look on your Dad’s face – so candid and caught up in the act of parenting. My Dad grew up in Zimbabwe with nannies and he had so many fond memories of them. I’m sure that Bibi Koya would be pleased that she had such a huge impact on you.
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Parental Parody says
Tears. I have tears. Beautiful post Grace.
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Nami says
Ah. So, she passed away while you were in Japan. Now…I see the connection…
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