In this search for the gaps in the clouds, there have been some small but significant changes.
If the past years have been about resisting or the need to keep striving, fighting and denying the difficulties of life, it’s now time to simply accept them.
We’re conditioned to believe that bad feelings – sadness, anger, tension – aren’t not meant to be living within us; that if they indeed exist, they should somehow be extinguished immediately.
The slight sensation of discomfort or disruption in our thoughts, it’s expected that they’re somehow expelled. And if that’s not an option, to somehow sweep them away somewhere. Anywhere. Just as long as no one else can find them. Ensuring that vulnerabilities are no longer transparent.
The past month, I’ve rediscovered meditation.
I was so gung-ho about it last year, writing posts that shared my excitement in this discovery of inner peace and mindfulness. Every day, I diligently practised my breathing and relaxing techniques. Then, it all stopped. Life got in the way.
And as it happened, so did the enclosing dark clouds.
So, here I am, kind of back to where I began…but in a slightly different format.
Where last year I went to Buddhist meditation courses, this time I’m using an iPhone app called Headspace.
For 10 minutes every night, I close my eyes, listen to a British fellow with an extremely pleasant, soothing accent and let my mind rest. To just let it think what it wants to think – the good, the bad and the anxious.
I’m the kind of person who’s often told to “let things go”. Without a doubt, I waste valuable time and energy worrying or in silent anger. Rather than letting it subside, it festers. Then, suppressing it right down in the depths of my sub-conscious, never resolving tangled emotions.
But whether they’re right or not, these feelings are mine.
It’s time to claim them. To acknowledge they exist in order to finally let the anchor go.
The evenings are now a natural calming, pleasant process. Switching off all social media an hour before bedtime, I read or write in a journal until I’m drowsy.
Then, sitting up, cross-legged in bed, I switch on my little app, as well as my head. And in the darkness, there’s a silent acceptance to the tempestuous on-goings within. A closer step to its validation; an inch nearer in reaching resolution.
Joining in Essentially Jess for IBOT…