Nigella No Friends

by mamagrace71 on September 11, 2012

It is true what they say about birthdays.  The older we get, the less fuss made.

And this is okay for those who have always preferred to keep their special day low-key.

I was just never one of them.

To me, birthdays have always been about rounding up a fabulous bunch of friends, dancing your buns off and drinking gallons of cocktails.

For most of my 30’s, I celebrated my birthday as if it were my last.

Mr Surfer is well aware of his wife’s past extroverted party animal tendencies.  He is constantly counting the blessings that marriage and parenting have subdued her…somewhat.

In the lead up to this year’s birthday  (yes, of bell bottoms and Afro wigs), Mr Surfer casually mentioned his plans to a throw a party.  It was to make up for the fact I didn’t have a celebration for my milestone birthday last year.

While trying to keep the excitement at bay, I couldn’t control the teeny tiny inkling of hope that maybe, I could have a raucous birthday again.

The day prior, I was just about to head out to the gym when Mr Surfer saw the lone birthday card.

“Oh? Who’s this from?” he asked, a little bemused.

“Just the gym.” I replied.

“I guess everyone else forgot this year.  Doesn’t matter…” I muttered, failing miserably to disguise my disappointment.

A storm started to rumble.

“Look, Lovey…I know you really wanted a party this year. I tried to call everybody…”

His apologetic tone was too much to bear.

“No, no…it’s okay, “ I cut him short, not wanting to face the cold hard reality.

That I had indeed transformed into Nigella No Friends.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m fine…” I was aiming for emphatic. But I think I just managed unconvincing.

“No, seriously. I tried to organise a picnic but they were all busy…”

Of course I could see that my beloved was trying his hardest to do something very sweet and loving for me.  Yet, without him realizing it, he was making matters worse, reminding me that I was no longer that cool party chic.

So, he continued to rub more salt.

“I mean, *Kylie has just had her baby…and *Joanne is still overseas.”

It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep my cool.

But he persisted, listing off more of my friends who had declined.

Seriously!  This man had no hand brake!

“Stop!” I finally shouted.

I even gave him the “talk to the hand” motion.

“I got it! I have no friends!” I grabbed the keys and headed for the front door.

“Look, babe. It’s just that time in our lives, you know. Everyone’s busy with children and stuff…”

Boy, oh boy. He just didn’t know when to let up.

And in a flash, I drove off to my new found friends…at the gym.

The big B day came along and was beyond my expectations. I was showered with beautiful presents and incredible love.

The greatest memory from the day was of the twinlets both handing me a gift and saying, “’py Birthday, Mama”

That night, Mr Surfer took me out to dinner to a posh Japanese/French cuisine restaurant.

And while swigging down 2 glasses of Pinot Grigio was a far cry from past festivities, I was truly happy and content.

When dinner came to an end, Mr Surfer offered the opportunity to continue the party as best as he could…with just the two of us.

“So, do you want to go to another bar and drink some more?”

“Nah, let’s just go to the movies”

Even I was surprised with my answer.

And that was the moment I came to terms with this new identity of mine.

Nigella No Friends.

But I reckon she’s not sticking around.  Just until she gets this mothering gig under control.

 *Names have been changed to protect identities. I promise they’re not imaginary friends. Somewhere out there, I do have some.

Joining Jess for IBOT

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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Zanni, Heart Mama September 11, 2012 at 7:10 am

Oh Grace, you are gorgeous. I am sure you have lots of friends. You at least have lots of cyber friends ;) and I’m sure there is a cocktail party waiting for you for your next birthday.
Life does change when you have kids doesn’t it? I blame work though. If everyone didn’t have to work, we’d have more time to hang out and be merry. Glad you had a lovely day in the end. x
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Yes, if it wasn’t for work, I think a schedule with kids wouldn’t be as demanding, would it?
And yes, I’m very grateful for my cyber friends, Zanni! :) xxx


Kevin September 11, 2012 at 7:19 am

We were out a few weeks ago with our childless friends. It was a cool inner city bar and had never felt so out of place. It was the first time we had seen these guys in ages but we only ended up sticking around till about 10 and then going out for ice cream on the way home. For Us it’s not so much about not having friends, it’s more about not being able to keep up with them anymore. Happy birthday
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Oh, I know what you mean! I would love to stick around and get jolly with my childless friends but honestly, dealing with a hangover the next day with whingy twins is no fun!
I would’ve chosen ice cream too :)


Ames September 11, 2012 at 7:24 am

You have friends! We should have had an internet party – everyone dresses up, posts photos, drinks, eats yummy food and the best bit of all we all get to sleep in our own beds – no drinking and driving. Dude, seriously, let’s do it!
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Ames, you are soooo onto something! Gimme a coupla days and I’ll get working on it. I reckon we can do it via IG. Whaddaya think ? :) x


Rachel from Redcliffe Style September 11, 2012 at 8:09 am

I love my birthday too but have been disappointed by my husbands lack of interest in them. For his 40th I threw the biggest and best party. I planned for over a year. My 40 is soon. He has done shit. I am already getting annoyed. Hmm, I should get onto that. Rachel x

#teamIBOT was here
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Get onto it, STAT! :) x


Lyndal September 11, 2012 at 9:02 am

im glad that you were happy and content, regardless of how different it looked from other years :)
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Life is full of different stages, I guess. All are good and bring their own uniqueness :) x


Dr Bron September 11, 2012 at 9:33 am

At least your husband remembered. Mine does not.
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Mine forgot in our first year of marriage. I didn’t speak to him for DAYS! Then, I got an iPad :) x


BossyMummy September 11, 2012 at 9:54 am

Glad you had a wont ful time. I make a big fuss around birthdays here and I expect the same for mine:) I know that it will never be up tony level of enthusiasm though, so I book us in for stuff, usually every day for about 5 days. I definitely celebrate my birth week!


mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

5 days!!! Oh, make sure you invite me for your next birthday! :) x


Yvette @ DTlilsquirts September 11, 2012 at 11:06 am

!!!!! Oh I know exactly how you feel.. my birthday was a washout this year.. it coincided with my lil man’s 1st birthday.. and throughout the day the declines of people kept coming..

billie no mates me

#teamIBOT was here to say hello!!
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Nice to meet you Billie No Mates. We should collaborate and have a I Have No Friends Cyber Party :) x


Catherine Rodie Blagg @CoTaaB September 11, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I totally totally relate! I’m kinda banking on more big nights one day when my children are old enough to make themselves breakfast!
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mamagrace71 September 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Now, that’s a goal to have! But wait…that means years away! I say we do something earlier than that :) x


jess September 11, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Oh yeah, I get this. I feel like I’m a bit of a loner. But honestly, I just love hanging out at home with Boatman.
Having kids changes you….
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carmen September 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Exactly hon! And you have heaps of friends. Look at us all! Party at your place next time. ;) xxx
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Jodi September 11, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I will go out drinking with you anytime! :) xox.
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Kylez...aka...Mrs. P September 11, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I know how you feel, there is one groupd of friends I haven’t seen fr my birthday in years, there is always something else that comes up. It would be nice too if just once I didn’t have to organise my own birthday celebrations but I know Dave too well and I’m not holding my breath. Thankfully I do have one or two close friends I can always rely on and so I did at least get to go out and have a few drinks for my 30th this year. At was nice. By as you say, nothing like the raging nights I had in my 20′s, usually at whatever rave happened to coincide with my birthday weekend! Those were the days but to be honest I don’t think I’d last beyond 1am anymore!


Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right September 11, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Ok, time to organise a post birthday bash with your Sydney blogging friends. I’ll be there!!!
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Becci September 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I’ll be in that! Have been dying for a night out of cocktails and boogie for ages – and my birthday isn’t for months. Balmain Pub Crawl anyone?
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Jane @ Adventures of Java Jane September 11, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Oh grace… we need to go partying!! Maybe next year at DPCON… I love celebrating my birthday.. and although its increasingly harder with kids.. I always try and do it.. all about not wasting a moment etc etc! But your birthday sounded lovely anyway.. quiet and surrounded by your closest can be the best too!!
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Definitely at next year’s DPCON, Jane!! We’re going to dance our buns off ! :) x


Tam September 11, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Aw, happy birthday! People are getting worse at celebrating aren’t they? A Facebook message is NOT ENOUGH on a birthday, people!
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

So, true! But you know, this year with the lack of birthday cards…I was settling for the FB messages. Sad, but also true.


Tat September 11, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Could be worse. At least you didn’t have the end of the world planned for your birthday instead of a party… I’m glad it all ended well !
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

LOL! I remember that conversation. Hopefully she doesn’t think that’s the case anymore :) x


Lara @ This Charming Mum September 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm

It’s really hard to maintain a big circle of friends when you have young kids I reckon. You just don’t have time to catch up with everyone (and they don’t have time either). At least you were feeling content, and aware that it is just a temporary no-friend glitch!
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Yes, Lara! Temporary! That’s what I’m hoping for :) x


Me N my Monkeys September 12, 2012 at 9:56 am

Sounds like you had a wonderful time.

Pre-baby, i use to love a big birthday party. Now i’m finding the best present is a nice quite relaxing day and an early night. sad i know! (29 and partied out) ;)

I’m glad you enjoyed Your day! xx
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Oh, I hear ya! Nothing like a good sleep in! :) x


Kelly @ HT and T September 12, 2012 at 10:06 am

Your post has great timing, my birthday is next week and one of my friends hasn’t even RESPONDED to my request that she come to a bbq. And when we were discussing what to do for my birthday, a big night out was mentioned several times but in the end all I wanted was a low key bbq with my nearest and dearest. If the bastards would respond, that is.
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Oh, man! They better reply! How could they not want to hang out with a spunkrat like you???!!!


Bridget September 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm

1. You’re so beautiful! I can’t stand it, seriously.
2. Birthday parties are great. But is is a real nights sleep, right? And the love of a handsome surfer sure helps:)
3. I totally would have gotten sloshed and acted like a fool with you.
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

This is the sucky thing about blogging…I want you to jump out of that computer screen and hang out with me and a bottle of red!!! Love you, B :) x


Penny September 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm

I would’ve taken you out had I been closer. :(
You, me, alcohol, dancing, singing – A match made in heaven. One day xx
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I know, Penny-licious. Wish I was partying for yours too! One day, for sure! :) x


Nami September 13, 2012 at 3:28 am

If your hubby could’ve thrown a Bloggy birthday bash, it would’ve been a RIOT! We would SO be there and whooping up a cocktail, wine and beer storm. Heck, I’ll even get drunk tonight in your birthday honor and it’s a school night. Love to you, Happy Belated, Foxy Lady (Hendrix riff).
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mamagrace71 September 13, 2012 at 6:10 pm

LOL! You crack me up! Wouldn’t be hilarious if he did that. But the thing is, I know what a total technie phobe he is so it would never EVER happen. Have one for me, Nami ! :) x


Salz September 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

I don’t do anything for my birthday. my husband in our 11 yrs together has only ever bought me one present and those were earings about 3 yrs ago. I have never wore earings as they irritate the crap out of me. You would think he would notice that I never wore earings. But I said thank you put them in and endured the pain. Rubbed moisturiser on my ears and the pain went away. I now never take them off.
You had a great time with the man you love and thats all that matters. That’s what I would want for my 30th next yr.
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ava September 17, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I know it was a “Happy Birthday” still Grace. Love you! :)
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