In the fast paced, cut throat world of corporate sales, there was one basic rule that was applied time and time again. It was simple yet effective. And not only was it relevant to “closing deals” but what measured good, reliable customer service.
And that’d be?
“Know your customer…”
Do your research on your patrons. Look through the database, check their past history in dealings with your company. Figure out their needs and requirements THEN base your sales proposition on what they would, you know, be interested in buying from you.
Duh.
There were a few metaphors I’d use to get this point across:
”Would you try to fit a circle through a square?”
“Would you try to sell condoms to the Pope?”
Getting disgruntled with my gym’s hefty fees and little returned benefit, I tried to defeat the impossible and terminate my membership.
(Why do these bloody gyms make it so goddamn hard? It’s like trying to unsubscribe from spam mail…)
Anywho.
I finally filled out and submitted the 10 gazillion forms.
Then of course was the imminent phone call from the concerned “Branch Manager”
After some polite exchanges, we finally got down to the nitty gritty. She asked why I wanted to end my membership. I told her the truth.
She told me to hold.
*Cue high energy doof doof Body Attack gym class music*
A minute or so later she returned to the phone.
“We’d love you to stay, Grace.”
“Well, how about you give me a new towel, backpack and waterbottle?” I answered flatly.
I credit my mother for my ruthless negotiation skills.
Again, she told me to hold.
*Cue more pumped up body attacking gym music*
“Sorry, Grace…I can’t offer you a new backpack. But…”
“Oooh! Oooh! A towel and waterbottle? Yes please!” I excitedly thought to myself.
“I can offer 5 free passes…to our Solarium…”
I could’ve sworn I misheard her…
“Sorry? 5 free passes to???”
“You know, our Solarium…and you…” she didn’t get to finish her sentence because I had no choice but to quickly intervene.
“Um, sorry. Have you looked in your database? Have you seen what I look like???”
At which point, I’m sure a photo similar to this popped up on her screen.
Maybe without the “deer in headlight” look but no change on that shade of cocoa brown.
A few moments of radio silence was followed by the sound of quick tapping on a computer.
“Oh…” came the reply.
She saw the photo…boom!
“Yeah. Exactly. I’m pretty certain I don’t need a tan…”
“Ah, yes. You’re right. No…Ah, sorry” her timid voice faded into the oblivion.
“Okay, then. Bai bai…”
*Click*
And that my friends, was (hopefully) an important lesson for that Branch Manager to “do her homework” and “get to know her customer” before she picked up the phone again.
Seriously, people. I implore you. Do me a solid and tell me the truth:
Do I LOOK like I need a tan???
Joining the gang at The Lounge sharing valiant customer service tales.
Thanks to Tegan at Musings of the Misguided for hosting!
Salz says
Hey we don’t know what’s under that poofy jacket. Ahhhh not that we are interested either. Lol some people just can’t pick the right things to say.
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Shari says
LMAO Grace! The tan you were born with is perfect! Hmmm … bugger that you’ll miss out on the towel and drink bottle, but who’d want to deal with them anyway! xx
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Christine @ Cooking Crusade says
Haha. I quit Fitness First ages ago and got the same call. They were like “Why are you leaving?” I said straight out “I’m moving to Virgin Active.” There was an awkward pause and the lady was like “Well, righto then” and then said no more. Haha
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mamagrace71 says
Same gym! BOOM! 🙂 x
Tegan says
OMG that is hilarious! My contract ran out for my gym and I just stopped paying them…they don’t like people who don’t invest money in their business anymore.
Tegan recently posted..Good Customer Service Isn’t Lost
Tegan says
ps Thanks for linking up at The Lounge!
Tegan recently posted..Good Customer Service Isn’t Lost
Emma says
Oh No! I’m astounded they still have solariums!
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Jen says
I’m with Emma! Haven’t they been banned already? Those places cause skin cancer! I can’t believe they give out free passes to them. It’s like, “Here, go fry yourself and die young”. That’s not going to help their membership levels.
Wait! I had to check, and according to the Cancer Council they won’t be banned in NSW until December 2014. https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/2349/reduce-risks/sun-protection/tips-for-being-be-sunsmart/solariums-be-sunsmart/cancer-council-new-south-wales-sunburn-suntans-and-solariums-2/?pp=
Lucky you got out of that one alive Grace!
mamagrace71 says
This was way back in 2004 or thereabouts. So, society was still big on the frying your skin thing.
Sam Stone says
That is amazing.
It also doesn’t look like you need skin cancer either!
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Neets says
That is bloody hilarious Grace! They are such slime bags people that work in gyms! Hang on I do. Lol. We have a no questions asked “sure you can cancel” policy. Can’t believe she did that. I recently tried to get out of mine when I got my new job & they tried to sting me $350 to cancel so I just keep putting it on hold until eternity….:) ps love the photo!
Bec @ The Plumbette says
LOL. That is crazy. Such a good post for business to know the customer and never make assumptions. What’s the saying… never assume, it makes and ass out of you and me… but in this case the manager.
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Janet @ Redland City Living says
Not to mention the fact that solariums are proven dangerous – so now she WANTS you to get skin cancer?!
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Ed @ The Tunnel says
Having never joined a gym, I’m terrified by the fact that you have to “unjoin”. Sounds like the army or some sort of cult!
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Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
I would have said – umm – did you just say that you were about to give me another month for free because you did not bother to do your homework before speaking to me?! I could do with a tan, but it’s all faux these days baby. I used to solarium until I had kids and started to value my life WAY MORE xxx
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Lee says
Maybe just a touch?! 😉 xx
Lee recently posted..Week 13 – how to fit exercise into a busy life
Psych Babbler says
Lol…you could do with a bit of sun though… 😉
People really need to do their homework in these customer service roles. I remember I had a telemarketer try to convince me a few years ago to install solar panels on my roof. I told them I live in a unit. Over and over. And they kept trying to sell me the stuff. You’d think someone would have told them that this number was listed to an apartment dweller who has no control over whether or not solar panels can be installed!
Psych Babbler recently posted..I am a sucker for good customer service
Ness says
I’ve always hated gyms for this reason. They honestly don’t care about the customer, they just want the money. That’s always been my experience whenever I dealt with them which hasn’t been for rather a long time admittedly but I don’t imagine they’ve changed. I’ll never pay money to a Gym again.
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Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit says
Hahahahaha!
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Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me says
Lol. Oh the poor girl, I can just imagine the look on her face. Awkward 😉
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Leanne Winter says
You’ve indeed already a lovely tan, Grace. Still, can’t help but feel a little sorry for the poor girl – talk about awkward!
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Penny says
OMG! I would have LOVED to have seen her face when she looked at your profile. Bwah ha ha
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Rita says
Oh, this is weird. Seriously, customer service at best!
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Author Bek Mugridge (@bekmugridge) says
Aren’t solarium proven to cause cancer too!! How kind of them to want customers to stay and get cancer…is it just me though or is customer service slipping everywhere now?
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Julie@Off to the Park says
That was hilarious Grace, umm no I don’t think you need a tan, but sounds like you could have done with a new backpack, towel & water bottle, and exit from your contract! 🙂
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Emma Fahy Davis says
My girls are a similar hue to you and I am soooo jealous of their gorgeous tans!
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Robomum says
Hilaire! But I’m stuck on solariums too. Can’t believe they’re still allowed!
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Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
Haha, maybe you were sounding a little pale that day, love? Seriously bad customer service, but then I think most gyms seem to be the same.
Love your photo 🙂
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Becky from BeckyandJames.com says
Oh, this is so funny. I’ve never joined a gym because I knew I would never EVER go and I had heard enough of the horror stories about trying to leave. Hopefully, she has learnt a valuable lesson from that phone call.
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