“So, what do you think if I suggest we no longer see each other?”
Fatal words that can easily tear a loved up girl’s heart in pieces.
It’s been a tough 12 months.
Exactly this time last year, I found my heart tied and tangled in knots of depression and my head was riding on roundabouts of stress and anxiety.
I was barely functioning.
When it came to parting with the one who was there through the thick of it; who never judged but offered tools and solutions; provided the tissues with each issue I tried to untangle with words; I could only claim the breakup to be bittersweet.
“What? You’re breaking up with me???” I joked and laughed.
“Well, it can only be a good thing, right?” she replied.
I’ve made significant improvements, she reassured me. And besides, if I ever found myself in a predicament where I needed her help. Needed to talk to her again, she’d be there.
But how could I be sure that for now I was fine? What if I found myself in another state of panic? Or worse, anxiety?
It was a picture perfect day, gentle waves lapping into shore. The bay was abuzz – sail boats scattered, ferries dropping passengers right on schedule.
Digging my feet deeper in the warm sand, my little boys quietly played, giggling as the cold water splashed their legs.
Feeling the cool breeze never felt so refreshing, I thought. Perhaps it had just been a while since I let my mind notice it. Appreciate it.
Maybe it was the soothing sense of being next to the ocean, the instant therapy that only salt water can bring, but a little tingly feeling hinted that maybe my mind is starting to see with clarity again.
That life is no longer about survival and coping but instead each blessed day is filled with meaning, engagement and true involvement.
And yes, there’s the chance that I might go back running, needing advice, begging for answers.
But for now, I’ll sit with the contentment.
The day couldn’t be more perfect. My heart couldn’t be in a better place.
Joining Essentially Jess for IBOT