Welcome to the FYBF Fears, Tears and Belly Laughs series!
While I’m on holidays, I’ve asked some very special bloggers to share a story based on one of the prompts and wow wee, what a great line up!
Please make sure you leave some comment love for each guest blogger. The more love we give out, in tenfold it returns.
To complete our series with a Belly Laugh, I’ve invited the wonderfully witty and hilarious Daisy of Daisy Roo and Two.
Gifted crocheter and writer, lover of cake. Daisy is also mum to the gorgeous Roo and also wrangles identical twin boys.
Another bloggy buddy who I befriended from the early days, the days we don’t talk on the phone or through text are rare and the ones when she leaves me laughing in stitches are next to none.
Give it up for Daisy!
******
Fucking Balloons
I have an irrational and complicated dislike of balloons.
I’m not scared of them. Really.
And when I see them in photos I see how beautiful and light and happy they are.
It’s just that when I’m in the presence of balloons I feel a soul-driving urge to pop them.
Maybe it’s all the tantrums I’ve had to endure over balloons.
There’s the tantrum where you refuse to get your child a balloon from the stand giving them away for free.
And said child then stages a sit-in protest in the middle of the busy shopping centre because BALLOON.
Then there’s the tantrum where one’s sibling has stolen the other sibling’s balloon. Even though everyone has their own fucking balloon – despite how much you hate balloons – because you were trying to avoid this exact scenario.
Then there’s the tantrum when the balloon finally gives way and pops on a toy or the grass or (to be perfectly honest) my pin when I’ve finally had enough.
And if the tantrums weren’t bad enough, then there’s the sound balloons make.
There’s the squeaky sound as they rub together, or get carried around like a football under a 5 year olds arm.
You know the sound. The one akin to fingernails on a chalkboard.
Then there’s the sound they make when they’re being lobbed like a volleyball into someone’s face. Which is also followed by wailing, so it’s like a double whammy balloon fuck-you.
Then there’s the sound they make when the balloon is constantly blown up, but then let go to spray it’s spit all over my goddamn house. It splutters and splodges me to death by balloon grossness.
The only sound I DO like, is the sound balloons make when I pop them.
And if all that weren’t enough, now bout the fact that when you finally find a beautiful, lovely, floating balloon and you think to yourself:
Maybe I DO like balloons. Maybe I’ve working through my issues.
That’s when that fucker flies off and abandons you, only to pop in the sky and have the rubbish land somewhere where it can choke local wildlife to death.
You have no idea the anxiety I have watching Up.
I have great plans for retirement. Pal and I will travel across the country, visiting shopping centres.
I will sidle up to stands of balloons given out by people trying to sell their wares to already harassed and flustered parents.
I’ll get as close as I can with my walking frame.
Then I will pull a pin out of my crochet bag.
And go to town on those suckers.
I’m not sure Pal will agree to my vision of retirement but I sure hope he does.
I’ll need someone to pick me up from the centre security office.
You can call me a birthday balloon grinch. You can call me joyless. You can call me whatever you like.
Just don’t come calling with balloons.
1. Follow With Some Grace.
2. Sign up to the awesome Digital Parents community ( if you haven’t already done so). DP was created by Brenda Gaddi who happens to be the creator of FYBF. She’s also created 4 gorgeous kidlets. In case you’d like to know. Or maybe not. But we’ll share that info just the same.
3. Add your post URL to the FYBF linky. Please only link up one post.
4. Grab the funky FYBF button and post it on your sidebar. Help spread the blogfloggin love.
5. Visit the blogs of your fellow FYBF’ers and share the comment love
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit says
Hi Daisy.
It’s been ages since I’ve wandered past your joint. I’m not sure why that is … but it’s great to “see” you again!
As for balloons, I LOVE them. Although seeing one fly high into the sky makes me sad (for the balloon). It would be so lonely. I never thought of the danger to wildlife after it pops though. Now I will. Which will probs make me sadder.
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted..Day 2289 – Summer Beauty Essentials
Daisy says
I haven’t blogged properly in ages! It’s not your fault! Haha! Yes! Think of the wildlife!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
JodY At Six Little Hearts says
Balloons! Really the only thing I don’t like about these is when they hang about all wrinkly and deflated for weeks after the party. Attempts to throw them away are thwarted by the kids…
JodY At Six Little Hearts recently posted..Smiggle Review and Giveaway! – Back to School in Style #SLHFeaturedThursdays
Daisy says
Ours never last weeks – thank goodness!!!! But I remember wrinkly balloons from my childhood!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Robyna | The Mummy and the MInX says
Do you remember that kids party game where you had to pop the ballon to find the note inside? I HATED that as a kid. It was like torture for little people.
Robyna | The Mummy and the MInX recently posted..Sleep: How to get it (Sponsored)
Daisy says
Omg yes! Maybe that’s where all this began!? Haha!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Claire Chadwick: Mum's Closet Blog says
OMG yes! That game had me in an anxious knot at every party! Not cool.
Cx
Emily says
Bahahaha. It’s like a double whammy balloon fuck-you. GOLD. I’m not a huge fan of balloons either, although I can’t say I loathe them to this extent! Thanks for the morning giggle.
Daisy says
The double whammy balloon fuck-you is the worst!! Maybe there needs to be a superhero with that move!? Haha!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Amy @ handbagmafia says
Haha, I’ve never thought of balloons saying fuck you before. I don’t know why, but I certainly will now!
Amy @ handbagmafia recently posted..Evidence: A Reasonable Request
Daisy says
They say it to me allll the time. Especially when I haven’t ha enough coffee. Or wine.
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Mandy @ barbiebieberandbeyOnd says
I have a friend who is absolutely terrified of balloons, as kids we used to chase her around with them, thought it was hilarious. Now I look back on it, we were being horrible shits, obviously not understanding the extent of her phobia. Everyone is scared of something, me I’m terrified of spiders. I’m not sure why, I have never been bitten, have never had a horrible experience…just yuck….
Mandy @ barbiebieberandbeyOnd recently posted..Women Of The Month – January – The Suffragette Movement
Daisy says
Oh gosh!! We’re all so blissfully unaware as children!! I’m sure she’s forgiven you!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Lydia C. Lee says
You’re wicked. My friend’s very elderly mother once said “The only good thing about being old is that no one ever believes you did anything bad’ So you might just get away with it!
Lydia C. Lee recently posted..Little Prince goes golfing…
Daisy says
This gives me great hope. Of future balloon popping glee!!!! Haha love that saying!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Zoe Meunier says
Hahaha, hilarious! And let’s not forget the cheek and lung explosion involved in getting the balloons up! But any sound balloons might make in our house is drowned out by the ear-splitting squeals that seem to automatically accompany their presence. Just another reason to hate them, really….
Zoe Meunier recently posted..40 Weeks To A Better Cook: Attempt a Frozen Elsa’s Ice Palace cake
Daisy says
Oh the squealing and the squabbling is my least favourite part!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Kirsty @ My Home Truths says
You would be a great partner for my son who has an absolute phobia of balloons. I dread walking through shopping centres because of course all the kids will be offered a balloon and the girls will love them and beg for them and my son will lose it, completely. Fun times…not!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths recently posted..3 ways to reduce back to school anxiety
Daisy says
Oh poor mate!!!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Becky from BeckyandJames says
I love your vision of retirement! I’m generally pretty ok with balloons but now, with a baby I have huge anxiety about the plastic being left around for him to grab.
Becky from BeckyandJames recently posted..When you speak too soon
Daisy says
Yes!!!! Wildlife and babies are in danger!!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Ai Sakura says
I’ve that same immense feeling against “singing” or “speaking” toys too.. too annoying especially on repeat!
Ai Sakura recently posted..P1 Parenting: The First 3 Weeks of School
Daisy says
Oh yes! Don’t get me started on those! Haha!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Alicia says
Oh Daisy, I made the mistake of not grabbing an extra balloon in Bunnings yesterday, so the resounding noise when I got home without one for the kid that didn’t come was “Where’s miiiiiine”.
When we do balloons here, it’s usually blow up heaps, the kids draw on them and then they get forgotten and bounce about for a few days, then when I get all domestic and clean up, I take great pleasure in cutting the tied end with scissors, sometimes with a “noooooo”, even though they haven’t played with them for days.
We watched Up a couple days ago, I always get emotional in that movie for different reasons. Trucs a faire.
Alicia recently posted..Reflection #fmy52weeksofmemories
Daisy says
Omg! Been there!!! The Bunnings Balloon is a trap!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Natalie @ Our parallel connection says
I can’t say I have ever even thought about balloons except when my boys used their 100 water bombs in a go and I had over 200 broken balloons on my lawn.
Natalie @ Our parallel connection recently posted..Lunch boxes – What is cool for your teenager to use?
Daisy says
*Shudders*
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Tegan says
The popping sound is probably the sound I hate the most. Especially when you bend down to pick up one that has gone rogue and it pops in your face. Bastard.
Tegan recently posted..Caged by a diagnosis
Daisy says
Rogue balloon!!! Gah!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Robyn says
Bahahaha!! The spit in the face…….the worst!! Actually water balloons are worse!! How long does it take before they learn to tie the damn things themselves??? X
Daisy says
Mine have been requesting water balloons all summer. Obviously they haven’t materialised!
And yes, the endless tying of balloons! HELP!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Denyse Whelan says
Daisy,..blog more…please!!
I loved your story.
I am the grandma who has voluntarily stopped have balloons in the house. Tooooo many arguments and then I’d be in trouble, The odd balloons I have brought to the grandkids though have been those ones you take out a loan for at a gift shop.
You and Pal retired..I’d like to see that!
Denysexx
Denyse Whelan recently posted..The Garden That’s Not Ours. 366/22.
Daisy says
Haha we’re gonna be awesome retirees – like you and B!!
I can only write when inspiration strikes and is very strong – have no computer at home now, only at work!! The phone is not fantastic for quick tappy-tapping of blog posts!!
Also, you are best grandma EBBER!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Jen Rose says
I was at the fracture clinic with my son a month ago and the clowns were giving the kids balloon animals. It was awful! Especially the loud bang and screams whenever the stupid things would pop! Ugh.
Jen Rose recently posted..Demystifying the coffee frappe
Daisy says
See, now they’re just torturing poor sick and injured children with balloons and it’s all getting out of hand!!!!!
Daisy recently posted..Absentee Note
Kylie Purtell says
Oh I hear you on this, they drive me nuts! My youngest is so obsessed with them that she will chuck a tanty in the car when we drive past a car dealership and she can’t have the balloon flying past her window at 60km/h. Hate em!
Kylie Purtell recently posted..Three {2016 52 week project} | Photography
Lisa Wood says
Oh I love UP – the movie is our all time favorite movie with our family 🙂
But I jump every SINGLE time a balloon pops, it scares the shit out of me!!!
Love your Retirement plan, yeah not sure how hubby will feel, and imagine your kids seeing you on the news or in the newspaper {ha ha}
Lisa Wood recently posted..Bats And Mangoes