Everything’s Gonna Be Alright

It’s been a mad couple of weeks.

Productive and kicking goals in some senses. And the traditional chaotic kind in others.

A crazy scramble of getting some projects done and ambitiously taking on some new ones.

I just need the friggin’ time.

I require a solid 3 hours straight. With no disruptions.

A big ask, you think?

I’m trying to blog and study at the same time. I’m keen to get my fitness back in place, while trying to get my business off the ground…again.

Frustrated, I lose that short fuse. All patience dissipates when the slightest mishap causes domestic life to go out of whack.

K-Bear was wired and decided to stay up watching TV until 10pm while I have my client’s business proposal waiting to be completed for the next morning. All the while, those stress levels trigger into its Mr Hyde heights again.

Ultimately, I take it all out on Mr Surfer. I snap, I bite. Then, I shut off.

And despite the subsequent attempts to amend matters, I know deep down it’s not fair on him or the boys. It’s not how I want to live my life. Or the mother I want to be.

But on the flip side, I’m desperately trying to retract some of the remnants of that pre-children, driven career woman life.

Finally last week, I sat in a cafe. Surrounded in free wifi heaven and a bottomless mug of chai latte, I took a mandatory deep breath. Soaking in the solitude.

Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” came on the radio.

The constant motion and juggling of the past 3 weeks caught up with me and I was forced to stop, listen to the lyrics and reflect.

Rise up this morning,
Smiled with the rising sun.
Three little birds,
Pitched by my door step.
Singin’ sweet songs.
Of melodies pure and true
This is my message to you….
‘Don’t worry, ’bout a thing,
Every little thing’s gonna be alright…’

I found myself grabbing a napkin to wipe my nose, trying to blink back the tears.

The song’s laid back reggae theme was a timely reminder telling me I’d been that (over) drama(tised) queen.

Being caught up in those the frantic, dizzy circles were only created by the demands I made on myself.

Why did I let things exacterbate ? Nothing actually needs to be done at full pelt. And certainly everything doesn’t need to be tasked perfectly.

But I stubbornly strive for it to be.

I let my own expectations soar through the roof; thinking that everything needs to reach this sky high standard. That I need to bear it all on my shoulders and plod through.

It’s attempts to become reacquainted with my old buddy, ambition.

But things are undeniably different.

This time I have my three birds.

And whatever twists and turns encountered in redefining this identity beyond motherhood, I have my constants. I have my family now.

And they’ll be the ones celebrating my birthday with me this Friday. Telling me that life doesn’t have to be a soap drama. It’s in fact, going to be okay.

  

 

Joining in Jess for IBOT

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Comments

  1. says

    Woah, we are in the same boat right now. I’m so on edge it’s draining me. My mind keeps running in circles. ‘No time. No time.’

    Eventually something gives and it’s usually my happy persona. I bite at the littlest things, everything irritrates me and I’m not nice to be around. My family ground be eventually. Usually after a few horrible narky remarks though.

    I can’t do it all, I just can’t. So I have to be patient… or just chuck a sickie! lol

  2. says

    Happy birthday for Friday lovely. Somedays it is so tough being everything to everyone that we do tend to lose ourselves. What we were, what we wanted to be and all that.
    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

  3. says

    Love that song – love that the universe offers up signs to us when we need them most. It’s ok to strive for perfection, it’s not ok to be bogged down by letting it consume us. Be kind to yourself and have a wonderful birthday xx

  4. says

    Oh Grace, I understand this oh so well. I’ve been pushing myself so much lately, trying to too much and keep too many balls in the air. Then I get cranky and snap and its not fair on anyone.
    Finding that balance is so hard. I hope you can get there soon. xx

  5. says

    So I work full time and blog a little and it’s busy. If you’re raising kids, studying, blogging and running a business you are both impressive and nuts ;-)

  6. says

    I know that feeling well. It’s hard when your a perfectionist and you want everything to be just right and done in a certain way. Sometimes it takes that mini-meltdown to make you stop and realise that the world won’t end i everything is not perfect. I often take my bad moods caused by chaos in life out on Dave (especially when I am PMS’ing and I always feel so bad afterwards. This week has been particularly bad (and it’s only Tuesday!) so thank you for the reminder to chill out and stress a little less!

  7. says

    Oh Grace, I really, truly get it! So glad you got some cafe time and the opportunity to think for a while – It WILL be ok, won’t it? Hugs to you pre-birthday girl x

  8. says

    I love Bob Marley too! Sounds like you are trying to do too much. Dont be hard on yourself, raising twins is a a full time job for the best of us. Running as successful blog can also feel like a full time job! On top of that you are starting up a business!!!! Wow.
    Mumabulous

  9. says

    The toughest job around is motherhood. But as Jess said, it is all about finding a balance and a compromise ou are comfortable with. How things shift and change so rapidly is something no one can tell you. Sometimes we all have to let go a little too xx

  10. says

    I hear you – about the struggle, the juggle, the snapping, the demands (we put on ourselves), and the constant striving. What a beautiful family you have, Grace. I’m sure you WILL be alright and they will love you through it all. Lovely post. xxx

  11. says

    It is a lovely song , glad you had time to reflect , Grace.
    It is hard to slow the pace when you are so busy trying to keep all the balls in the air.
    That little family is lucky to have someone as special as you.

  12. says

    It’s like he wrote that song just for you – nice. I know exactly what you mean about getting stressed-out. Sometimes I make a “To Do” list but I read somewhere about making a “Have Done” list, which is the opposite – I’ve tried that and honestly, it really lifts your spirits. Give it a try during those “postal” moments.

  13. says

    Gorgeous post, Grace. That song does it for me too and puts everything in perspective (I also imagine palm trees and lying in a hammock in the Caribbean – that helps a lot ).

  14. says

    I think you are totally right, sometimes we all need a day off to get out of stuck. I bet you could have relaxed yourself in a quiet place, sometimes it can be really refreshing to do NOTHING. I hope you will find some inspiration somewhere, and get some extra-energy for these stressed period. Hugs!

  15. says

    Love that moment when you’re surrounded by chatter, soaking up free wifi with a large hot mug of your chosen beverage – everything definitely feels like it’s going to be okay… :) It’s like reading my day. Full pelt or off sadly – I need a few more gears.

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