Everything’s Gonna Be Alright

by mamagrace71 on August 21, 2012

It’s been a mad couple of weeks.

Productive and kicking goals in some senses. And the traditional chaotic kind in others.

A crazy scramble of getting some projects done and ambitiously taking on some new ones.

I just need the friggin’ time.

I require a solid 3 hours straight. With no disruptions.

A big ask, you think?

I’m trying to blog and study at the same time. I’m keen to get my fitness back in place, while trying to get my business off the ground…again.

Frustrated, I lose that short fuse. All patience dissipates when the slightest mishap causes domestic life to go out of whack.

K-Bear was wired and decided to stay up watching TV until 10pm while I have my client’s business proposal waiting to be completed for the next morning. All the while, those stress levels trigger into its Mr Hyde heights again.

Ultimately, I take it all out on Mr Surfer. I snap, I bite. Then, I shut off.

And despite the subsequent attempts to amend matters, I know deep down it’s not fair on him or the boys. It’s not how I want to live my life. Or the mother I want to be.

But on the flip side, I’m desperately trying to retract some of the remnants of that pre-children, driven career woman life.

Finally last week, I sat in a cafe. Surrounded in free wifi heaven and a bottomless mug of chai latte, I took a mandatory deep breath. Soaking in the solitude.

Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” came on the radio.

The constant motion and juggling of the past 3 weeks caught up with me and I was forced to stop, listen to the lyrics and reflect.

Rise up this morning,
Smiled with the rising sun.
Three little birds,
Pitched by my door step.
Singin’ sweet songs.
Of melodies pure and true
This is my message to you….
‘Don’t worry, ’bout a thing,
Every little thing’s gonna be alright…’

I found myself grabbing a napkin to wipe my nose, trying to blink back the tears.

The song’s laid back reggae theme was a timely reminder telling me I’d been that (over) drama(tised) queen.

Being caught up in those the frantic, dizzy circles were only created by the demands I made on myself.

Why did I let things exacterbate ? Nothing actually needs to be done at full pelt. And certainly everything doesn’t need to be tasked perfectly.

But I stubbornly strive for it to be.

I let my own expectations soar through the roof; thinking that everything needs to reach this sky high standard. That I need to bear it all on my shoulders and plod through.

It’s attempts to become reacquainted with my old buddy, ambition.

But things are undeniably different.

This time I have my three birds.

And whatever twists and turns encountered in redefining this identity beyond motherhood, I have my constants. I have my family now.

And they’ll be the ones celebrating my birthday with me this Friday. Telling me that life doesn’t have to be a soap drama. It’s in fact, going to be okay.

  

 

Joining in Jess for IBOT

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

kirri August 21, 2012 at 7:23 am

I have no words really. Just hugs and relief that you settled on that stoop, with your three little birds xx
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Penny August 21, 2012 at 7:45 am

Woah, we are in the same boat right now. I’m so on edge it’s draining me. My mind keeps running in circles. ‘No time. No time.’

Eventually something gives and it’s usually my happy persona. I bite at the littlest things, everything irritrates me and I’m not nice to be around. My family ground be eventually. Usually after a few horrible narky remarks though.

I can’t do it all, I just can’t. So I have to be patient… or just chuck a sickie! lol
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Rhianna August 21, 2012 at 7:46 am

Happy birthday for Friday lovely. Somedays it is so tough being everything to everyone that we do tend to lose ourselves. What we were, what we wanted to be and all that.
Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses
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BossyMummy August 21, 2012 at 10:51 am

Love that song – love that the universe offers up signs to us when we need them most. It’s ok to strive for perfection, it’s not ok to be bogged down by letting it consume us. Be kind to yourself and have a wonderful birthday xx

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Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right August 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

Beautiful Grace. Like you.
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Lyndal August 21, 2012 at 12:14 pm

oh honey. hugs and a happy birthday – i am glad you know that things will absolultely be ok xx
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jess August 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Oh Grace, I understand this oh so well. I’ve been pushing myself so much lately, trying to too much and keep too many balls in the air. Then I get cranky and snap and its not fair on anyone.
Finding that balance is so hard. I hope you can get there soon. xx
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Kevin August 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm

So I work full time and blog a little and it’s busy. If you’re raising kids, studying, blogging and running a business you are both impressive and nuts ;-)
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Kylez...aka...Mrs.P August 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I know that feeling well. It’s hard when your a perfectionist and you want everything to be just right and done in a certain way. Sometimes it takes that mini-meltdown to make you stop and realise that the world won’t end i everything is not perfect. I often take my bad moods caused by chaos in life out on Dave (especially when I am PMS’ing and I always feel so bad afterwards. This week has been particularly bad (and it’s only Tuesday!) so thank you for the reminder to chill out and stress a little less!
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Shari August 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Oh Grace, I really, truly get it! So glad you got some cafe time and the opportunity to think for a while – It WILL be ok, won’t it? Hugs to you pre-birthday girl x
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Mumabulous August 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I love Bob Marley too! Sounds like you are trying to do too much. Dont be hard on yourself, raising twins is a a full time job for the best of us. Running as successful blog can also feel like a full time job! On top of that you are starting up a business!!!! Wow.
Mumabulous
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Tahlia - e parenting files August 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

The toughest job around is motherhood. But as Jess said, it is all about finding a balance and a compromise ou are comfortable with. How things shift and change so rapidly is something no one can tell you. Sometimes we all have to let go a little too xx
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carmen August 21, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Yes… I need to remember some of this. Thank you Grace!
Can’t wait for Friday! xxx
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Deb @ Bright and Precious August 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I hear you – about the struggle, the juggle, the snapping, the demands (we put on ourselves), and the constant striving. What a beautiful family you have, Grace. I’m sure you WILL be alright and they will love you through it all. Lovely post. xxx
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Née August 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Hang in there lovely. Deep breaths and one foot in front of the other. Happy birthday for Friday xx
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Trish August 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

It is a lovely song , glad you had time to reflect , Grace.
It is hard to slow the pace when you are so busy trying to keep all the balls in the air.
That little family is lucky to have someone as special as you.
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Nami August 22, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It’s like he wrote that song just for you – nice. I know exactly what you mean about getting stressed-out. Sometimes I make a “To Do” list but I read somewhere about making a “Have Done” list, which is the opposite – I’ve tried that and honestly, it really lifts your spirits. Give it a try during those “postal” moments.
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Renay August 24, 2012 at 9:19 am

Just beautiful…
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Yvette @ DTlilsquirts August 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

I hope you have a fabby weekend.. leave all the drama behind from today and enjoy yourself.. with your 3 boys!
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Jo August 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Gorgeous post, Grace. That song does it for me too and puts everything in perspective (I also imagine palm trees and lying in a hammock in the Caribbean – that helps a lot ).
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Prue @Modern Nomads With Kids August 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy your weekend. I know I would kill for three hours alone!

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Helen August 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I am in awe of how much you fit into your schedule. I hope you are able to take some time out to enjoy your birthday x
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Anna August 24, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I think you are totally right, sometimes we all need a day off to get out of stuck. I bet you could have relaxed yourself in a quiet place, sometimes it can be really refreshing to do NOTHING. I hope you will find some inspiration somewhere, and get some extra-energy for these stressed period. Hugs!
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Pip August 25, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Love that moment when you’re surrounded by chatter, soaking up free wifi with a large hot mug of your chosen beverage – everything definitely feels like it’s going to be okay… :) It’s like reading my day. Full pelt or off sadly – I need a few more gears.
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